Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt
by JaggedHands
Summary: A blonde woman doesn't have a place to call home but when a tall dark Lieutenant comes into her life will she finally be able to live again.
1. Chapter 1

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 1

 **This is partly an alter universe fic. I can't really remember the criteria for rating a story but there is bad language at the start and, as the story goes on, there will be explicit scenes of a sexual nature, voluntary and involuntary, violence and rape. If this bothers you in any way then don't read it. Obviously.**

The darkness fell and so did the cold November temperature in New York City. There was no snow yet but the air held a damp crispness to it that indicated that it wouldn't be long before the ground was covered with a sheet of white fluffy flakes. This time of year was the most difficult for Amanda Rollins. Being homeless was difficult, period, but when the temperature began to drop, after the warm summer months, the worry of not surviving another winter would slowly creep up and cause a state of constant anxiety and panic.

She should be use to it by now, after almost four years on the streets but every year was still the same. Would this be her last winter? How would she survive in freezing temperatures with hardly any suitable clothes, minimum supply of food and water, no shelter and no warmth? But somehow, every year, she always managed to pull through, coming out stronger in the end.

She slept where she could. Sometimes under a bridge, in a cardboard box, a shelter, a park bench or even in the entrence to an apartment building or any other building that held a large and suitable sleeping space. Tonight, however, was cold and windy. Too cold for a park bench or a cardboard box and no room at the shelters in the nearby neighborhoods. She had now two options, two different things to choose from and she didn't really like any of them. She could walk through the night to keep herself warm or she could find a sleeping space in a doorway somewhere, at least that would give her some protection against the howling winds and the biting cold.

She eventually decided to go for the latter.

She was so tired, cold and hungry. It had been almost twenty hours ago since she has her last meal, if you could call it that. It was more of a hasty snack that she managed to take from people's left overs at a dodgy burger joint somewhere close to Brooklyn Bridge. She had only managed a few bites before the manager had stormed out and threatened to call the cops of she didn't leave right away. She was use to getting that kimd of treatment everywhere. It was like she was a stray dog or a cat, prowling the neighborhood for some scraps to get through the next twenty four hours without collapsing from hunger or malnutrition.

She never begged for money. People never gave much anyway, probably thinking that the small donation would more than likely used on drugs or alcohol like so many homeless people and druggies out there. Drugs weren't her think. She had tried it a couple of times but didn't like the way she felt afterwards, all dizzy and shaky, dazed and foggy. Alcohol, on the other hand, was something she didn't say no to and especially on a cold night as the intoxicated liquid would usually provide her with some sort of comfort and not to mention warmth. It was hard to get a hold of, since money was something she didn't have, but sometimes a good Samaritan would provide or she would trade for something else that was of more value to the other person.

This night she would've done anything for a few swigs of vodka or bourbon, almost anything. It was bitter out there. The wind was picking up, strong gusts sweeping across her already frozen features and hair, her hands were cold to the bone, even though they were shoved as far down her pockets as they possibly could, and her feet were getting numb since her only pair of shoes were worn, thin and too small. Getting clothes and shoes was extremely difficult, almost impossible, and sometimes you just had to take whatever was there even though they didn't fit or suit properly.

She rounded a corner in a neighborhood she wasn't very familiar with. She had only been there a handful of times before, never stayed long and never hung around. The streetlights, bars and restaurants provided enough light into the dreary and dingy alleyways, the wet ground shining in the dark night, red, yellow, blue and green reflected in the pools of water here and there, making everything look a bit more colourful even in such a dirty and gloomy places like the one she was currently in. She had to find somewhere to sleep for the night. At least for a few hours.

Dead on her feet, she eventually settled in a small alcove somewhat protected from the biting wind. She shivered as a gust blew past and pulled the zipper all the way up to her chin, rested her head against the brick wall behind her as her tired pale blue eyes fluttered close.

A noise startled her awake. She didn't know how long she had slept but it couldn't have been more than a couple of hours because it was still very dark and windy. Then, suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she could make out a big tall and dark shadow almost hovering above her like a giant evil entity that had no other indications but to hurt her. For a second she was paralyzed and couldn't move, think or scream but when the shadowy figure came closer she somehow managed to let out a strangled shriek that echoed through the alley, bouncing against the heavy brick walls, travelling back and forth several times before fading out.

Something hard hit her over the side of her head and a searing pain tore through her whole being. She could almost feel her brain bouncing around inside her skull, causing everything around her to appear blurry and unfocused. Her hearing was temporarily impaired as all she could make out was distant sounds and words coming from the imposter that was now grabbing and clawing at her clothes and hair.

Slowly her vision and hearing came back but it was still too dark to make out the face of the man attacking her and all she could do was to try and cover her face and head with her arms as the man kept on raining his punches down on her. Then everything went black and silent.

"Homeless, female, early thirties, found beaten and unconscious in an alleyway, hypothermia had already set in but she's starting to come around."

Fin informed his Lieutenant as she entered the hospital in the early hours of the morning, wearing a thick coat, hat, gloves and a scarf to keep the biting winds at bay. "She could've frozen to death out there if no one would've called for help. She's lucky to be alive." Olivia stated, shaking her head in a defeated fashion, wondering how anyone could do such a thing and then just leave her to die in the cold. Humanity was failing.

Fin agreed. "Someone heard her scream, called 911 but the man was already gone before they got there."

"Did they do a rape kit?" she asked as Fin guided them both towards the room their victim was currently in.

"Yeah. She wasn't raped, no fluids, no prints and no DNA. She's got defensive bruising on her forearms, looks like the perp caught her off guard and she had no chance to fight back. She suffered a concussion so they're keeping her here over night."

Sighing, Liv ran a gloved hand over her face, tired, cold and would rather be nicely tucked into her own bed than being here. "Okay, um, take Carisi and start knocking on doors in the neighborhood where she was found. Maybe someone saw something. I'll stay here and talk to the vic. Let me know if anything comes up."

Fin left and Liv found herself standing outside the victim's room with a nurse, sad to face, yet again, another beaten and violated woman. It never ends. "Do we have a name?"

The nurse just shook her head. "No, she had no ID on her and she's slipping in and out of unconsciousness so we haven't been able to get a name yet. She'll probably sleep for the coming hours but you're welcome to stay since we don't know anything about her family. It would be nice for her to see a friendly face when she wakes up, Lieutenant. Let me know if you need anything."

Liv smiled politely towards the nurse, watched her scurry down to the nurse's station and and entered the room.

It was gloomy inside, the sun had yet to appear in the east and the light in the room currently consisted of a small lamp on the bedside table. The silence was heavy. There were no beeping or buzzing sounds from various medical machines since she was stable enough to not need any monitoring. All Olivia could see, from where she was standing, was the petite frame of a woman, hidden underneath blankets and heating pads as she involuntary shivered from time to time as her body temperature slowly increased towards a more comfortable and reassuring state.

As she got closer to the woman that laid there, motionless, she was amazed at how beautiful she really was. Her skin was pale but clear, lips rosy red and plump, high cheekbones that most people would die for and blonde long toussled hair that framed her face perfectly and softly fanned itself out on the pillow her head was resting upon. Beautiful didn't even measure up to what Olivia was seeing.

The woman, for some reason, looked and seemed familiar to her, like she had met her before but couldn't quite put a finger on from where or when. She was positive that this woman hadn't been a victim in a previous case because she would've remembered such a striking face. There was, however, something about her, something very well known but still unknown about this stranger that laid in deep sleep before her, trembling and whimpering in her unconscious state, causing Olivia's protective instincts to kick in as she heard the pitiful sounds emitting from those pink, slightly parted, lips.

"Shhh." she gently cooed before she could stop herself and took a seat on the hard plastic chair next to the bed, pulling it closer so she had a clear view of the woman in case she woke up. A little while later, the small blonde began to stir underneath all the blankets and her right arm slipped out from it's warm cocoon and hung over the edge of the bed, exposed to the coolish air inside the room. That's when she saw the bruises.

Littering her whole lower arm were dark marks in different shapes, size and form, evidence of a vicious attack that she had tried desperately to protect herself from but without much luck. The dark bruises created a stark contrast to her porcelain skin which probably made it look worse than what it actually was but, still, Olivia couldn't help but to frown in concern and sympathy for the victim that she knew nothing about, not even her name.

Gently, as to not wake her up, she wrapped her fingers around a slender wrist, planning to replaced it underneath the layers of blankets, but was immediately startled by how cold she was to the touch. Gasping at the icy contact, she couldn't help but to hold onto the hand a bit longer, wrapping it between her own and softly began to rub her thumbs over the back of it, transferring her own body heat into the frozen limb, amazed at how soft the assaulted skin was against her fingertips.

Minutes passed and Olivia was still holding onto the cold hand, warming it slowly, when all of a sudden the blonde shivering form shifted between the crisp white sheets and the mountain of blankets, tossing her head from side to side, murmuring incoherently before two pale blue eyes popped open and blinked several times, getting use to the light that couldn't even be considered as bright.

"Hey." Olivia whispered softly, smiling gently to reassure the woman that she meant no harm and that she was safe. "I'm Lieutenant Olivia Benson from the special victims unit. The doctors couldn't find an ID on you so can you tell me your name?"

The woman frowned deeply, eyes still blinking rapidly, flickering around the room, obviously trying to figure out where she was and what was going on. The blue eyes suddenly wandered towards their joined hands where Olivia's thumb was unconsciously stroking the soft and cold skin of the woman. Quickly, she pulled it away from it's warm and comfortable position and cradled it against her chest, pulling the blankets tighter around her body, winching in pain as she moved too fast. "What the..." bringing her hand up to her head, she could feel a nice size bump on her left temple, prodding it gently with her fingers.

"Where the fuck am I?" she stated in a firm and demanding tone, nothing what Olivia had expected. Then, she noticed all the bruises on her arms and also realized that she was naked underneath the pile of throws and quilts. "Why am I here? What the hell! Why am I naked?"

"Easy," Liv calmed, a bit embarrassed for being caught holding her hand in such an intimate and tender way. "You were found unconscious a few hours ago just outside Midtown. You were badly beaten, hence the bruises, and you also have a concussion so it's important that you don't get up just yet. They want to hold you for observation."

The woman just shook her head and tried to sit up, clutching the blankets close to her body, keeping her modesty intact. "I don't have money or insurance. I can't stay here." she huffed and pushed herself up into a sitting position, head pounding and spinning from the movement and a nauseous wave slowly washed over her but she managed to breath through it.

"Don't worry about money. The state will pay for it but you need to lie back down. A head injury is not to be taken lightly." Liv explained. "What's your name, honey?"

The blonde stopped the strenuous act of trying to get to her feet and visibly calmed when she realized she didn't have to pay for her stay. She could never afford it anyway. "Amanda." she muttered and shifted uncomfortably between the sheets. "Amanda Rollins."

"Okay, Amanda, did you see the person who did this to you? Did you see his face, any tattoos, piercings or other marks on his body that could help us find him?"

Amanda almost broke out laughing as she studied Olivia's serious face. "Why would you bother finding him? He didn't steal anything, he didn't rape me. I'm just a homeless street rat who doesn't matter in this society." she paused briefly. "Besides, I never saw his face or anything else for that matter. It was too dark, all I saw was a black figure hovering over me. Could've been anyone. Don't waste your time, Lieutenant."

It saddened Olivia to hear the woman degrade herself like that. Like she didn't matter because she didn't have a place to call home, or money to pay for food and clothes. She was still a human being with qualities, skills, character and feelings just like everybody else, including herself. She knew it was going to be difficult to try and push Amanda into pressing charges against the man but she had to at least try.

"Amanda, what he did to you is a crime. It doesn't matter what he _didn't_ do to you. He physically assaulted you and he should be prosecuted and punished because of what he did." she had explained this hundreds if times to victims before and a lot of the times it felt like her words were just falling on deaf ears but she couldn't let that happen to Amanda. She already thought so little of herself, disposable and useless, and she wanted to show Amanda, to prove to her that she did matter and that both Olivia and her squad took these crimes seriously, homeless or not, rich or poor, black or white, straight or gay.

"Yeah well, good luck finding him." the blonde chuckled sarcastically and leaned back against the pillows. "Next time a guy decides to use me as a puncing bag I'll let you know and I'll make sure to take a good look at his face before the first blow, maybe I'll even draw you a little sketch." her voice was dripping with sarcasm and venom, thinking that the Lieutenant was, quite frankly, stupid for believing that they could find this guy.

"I know this is hard and I know that it doesn't seem like it now but things will get better." without thinking much of it, Olivia placed a hand on a bony shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze of reassurance and strength.

As the warmth of Olivia's hand radiated into her cold skin she flinched and pulled away. "You know what would be better? If you could just leave me the hell alone, forget about all of this, go back home and eat some expensive shit caviar on cream crackers and watch Rachel fucking Ray on your flat screen plasma tv. I'm homeless, for fuck sake, I've been through worse than this shit and I know it doesn't go anywhere. Just do both of us a favour and don't waste precious time on chasing ghosts."

She was feisty, bitter and cynical. The blue eyes darkened as she spoke, letting Olivia know that she wasn't messing and that she was truly angry with the world and all the crap she had been through. It was going to take some time to crack this one open.


	2. Chapter 2

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 2

 **Thank you everyone for encouraging reviews. This chapter is slightly shorter than the previous but I felt that it was a good place to finish this part. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer.**

A week had passed, since Olivia had reluctantly let go of Amanda's case. She didn't like to walk away from a case like that but since they literally had nothing to go on, plus Amanda's unwillingness to cooperate, there was little anyone could do. But just because the case was weak and temporarily closed didn't mean that the beautiful blonde had diminished or faded from the Lieutenant's mind. She still found herself thinking about her from time to time, her face popping up before her eyes at the most inconvenient and busiest of times of the day and night, the blue eyes looking at her, holding nothing but cold and emptiness inside them.

The feeling of familiarity was still there, buzzing around inside her brain, lingering for longer than intended because the thought of having seen her before wouldn't leave her mind. She knew for certain that they hadn't previously physically met but there was still a strong pull, a powerful need, to make sure that she was alright and not in any danger.

It was ridiculous to even have such feelings and urges towards someone she only met once, someone she didn't even know the first thing about, but being aware of her strange and irrational feelings didn't make things easier. It was something she currently didn't have control over.

"Day dreaming again, boss?" grinning, Fin stood by the door leading into Olivia's office, coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other. "Brought you some fuel to keep you going. You can't be running on an empty tank. I presume you didn't have breakfast."

He placed the paper cup and the wrapped deliciously filled bread next to it, watching his superior take a greedy sip of the steaming hot liquid. "I'm not a car, Fin, but thank you for thinking of me... and my stomach." she smiled softly but it faded soon after as Carisi entered the office, informing that they had another vic at Lincoln hospital, homeless female in her fifties. "Another homeless rape?" Liv sighed and proceeded stand but Fin held his hands up.

"We've got it, boss. I'll keep you in the loop."

As the two detective's left she couldn't help but to feel relieved that it wasn't Amanda who had been attacked again. Her thoughts seemed to be going in the blonde's direction no matter how hard she tried not to let them, which was easier said than done. She finished her bagel and coffee, annoyed with herself for not being strong enough to keep Amanda out of her mind.

About two hours later Fin called with an update about the new vic. It was the same MO as Amanda's attacker. Blows to the head, defensive bruises on her lower arms and a concussion. The only difference between the two cases was that this victim had been raped. Amanda had been lucky, in that sense, someone had heard her scream and called for help but this time he had gone all the way with his cruel and heinous intentions.

Just like Amanda, this new victim couldn't describe his face, race or age. Nothing. It was too dark outside to get a clear view of anything and the light from the streetlamps didn't reach all the way into most allies, which gave the perp a great advantage. Two victims, same MO, same type of injuries and both homeless. Was this the same guy or was it just a plain and simple coincidence of two separate crimes?

The bruises on Amanda's arms and face had, for the most part, faded and could only be seen up close. As soon as she had her discharge papers signed she was back out on the streets of Manhattan, cold and with a headache from hell. Now, she was back to her old neighborhood where she knew a couple of people where she could possibly get something warm to eat and maybe even a decent night's sleep.

Night was falling and so did the temperature to bellow freezing point. She hadn't been around these parts in a while and hoped that the two people she came to see were still alive and well. She knew where they could be found and, just as she suspected, there they were, Sam and Annie, sitting by a large fire, side by side with old and raggedy blankets to keep the cold out. She could hear them chuckle at something funny one of them had said and it caused a smile to appear on her face without knowing it.

"Who's there?" a loud voice rang out all of a sudden and Sam stood up, bat in hand, ready to defend his turf if needed be. "We've got nothing for you so just move on and leave us be."

Amanda came closer, stepped into the ring of light that the fire had created around them and immediately felt the warmth from the flailing flames, licking the air and the sides of the iron barrel they used to keep it lighting. "Relax, Sam, it's just me. I'm unarmed." she joked and held her hands up.

Sam slowly lowered his wooden stick for a weapon and frowned. "Amanda, is that you?" he leaned closer to the fire to get a good look at the person who had just walked in on his home. "Well, I'll be damned. Annie, it's Mandy."

The blonde chuckled heartedly as the big African-American man approached her, bat down and with a huge grin on his face. "Hi, Sam. How are things?" she was immediately wrapped up in a bear hug which followed by another from Annie who had eagerly been waiting for hers.

"Mandy girl, I've missed you, _we've_ missed you." the frail coloured woman enveloped Amanda in her scrawny arms, tears welling up in her worn and tired eyes. "Come and sit by the fire, you must be freezing in that thin coat of yours. Have you eaten?"

The fuss Annie made over Amanda was motherly and overprotective. Not even her real biological mother had paid so much attention to her growing up so she never got to experience what it felt like to be mothered and cared for. However, she kind of liked the feeling of having someone caring and tending to her needs, feelings and thoughts. This couple had been together for seventeen years and had been evicted from their apartment for not being able to keep up with the rent and had spend the last six years on the streets, creating a nice little spot for themselves in the outskirts of the city, away from all the hustle and bustle.

They had literally let Amanda to live with them during her first year of being homeless. They had spotted her by a corner, begging for money, looking starved, cold and exhausted and had kindly invited her back to their little nest of worn out lounger chairs, broken suitcases, shaggy blankets and moth bitten clothes. From there, a beautiful friendship had started. Amanda just wished there was something she could do to return the favour but it was hard when she didn't own anthing other than the clothes on her back.

They offered her a tin of beans that she heated over the fire. It was better than some old and stale bread from a garbage can on Grand Central or left over cold and soggy fries from Burger King in the city centre, left by some teenager who liked way too much salt. As she ate, the sound of Annie coughing concerned her and she could no longer keep quiet about it. Last time she had seen the couple her cough had been manageable but it had gotten worse since then, so bad that she could barely complete a whole sentence before it started to rumble and wheese inside her chest as wet coughs erupted from her throat.

"How are you holding up, Annie? Anything I can do for you?" she offered softly as she finished the last of the beans, watching Sam patting her on the back, easing her discomfort.

"No, my dear." she wheezed and relaxed back into her chair, tired from the strains of rough coughing. "There isn't anything anyone can do for me. This old lady is about to meet her maker." she chuckled and another coughing fit erupted.

Amanda looked over at Sam, who nodded silently towards her but tried to keep his spirits up nonetheless. "Don't say that, Annie. Remember a couple of months ago when you had a few good weeks with hardly any coughing at all. There's still hope, my love, there's still hope."

Annie let out a raspy but weak choking sound and patted her husband on the arm. "I'll let you believe for the both of us then but for now I'm gonna close my eyes and get some shut eye. Don't stay up too late, kids." she joked and within seconds she was softly snoring as Sam tucked the blankets around her more tightly and threw on another log of half rotten wood onto the fire.

"It's not fair." Amanda mumbled from her spot at the opposite side, resting her chin on her knees, staring into the dancing flames, watching the embers fly through the cold air and eventually die out.

"Nothing is fair, Mandy. Not for people like us." he offered her a loving but sad smile and snuggled in close to his sleeping wife to maintain body heat between the two. "Get some sleep, hon, tomorrow is another day."

Amanda didn't sleep that night.

The bitter cold was digging itself all the way into her bones as she headed back to her apartment after a long day at the precinct. It was unusually cold this evening and Olivia shivered against the chilly air that blew by, biting her already frozen cheeks. She had planned on taking the sub but changed her mind when she spotted the huge crowd of people trying to get on to the same train, squashed like sardines in a tiny space. Instead, even though it was freezing, she decided to walk since it would probably be quicker since she knew a couple of shortcuts.

Her hands were shoved so deep into her pockets that she thought they were gonna rip off the seams and her shoulders pulled up so high they physically hurt from the strain of her muscles. She was almost home, another ten minute walk and she would be nice and snug inside her apartment with a hot cup of tea, wrapped in a blanket in front of the tv, enjoying some useless reality show.

"Lieutenant, I wouldn't have picked you for an alley girl. What gives?"

She stopped dead in her tracks as the voice rang out and she turned in the direction of it and she was shocked at who she saw. Sitting on a flattened cardboard box between two large dumpsters was the one and only Amanda. "Miss Rollins? Hi, um, what are you doing here?" she instantly kicked herself mentally as she realized how stupid the question was.

"Well," the blonde stated, holding out her bare hands to her sides and shrugged. "since I don't have anywhere to live I'll have to make due with what is already provided. I've got a nice shelter here from the wind and the cold, well, it's still cold but it's better here than lying on a park bench somewhere, freezing my tits off. What are you doing here? Looking for perps?"

Chuckling, she answered. "Um, no I... I'm just taking a shortcut to my apartment." she explained and took a couple of steps closer to the huddled form. "How... um, how are you? I mean, the bruises and your head. Is it healing?"

Amanda just laughed it off and waved her hands around. "Oh, don't worry about me, Lieutenant. I'm strong as a horse and my skull is as thick as a brick wall. I'll live." she laughed it off as if it was nothing even though she was till quite sore. "Have a good night, Lieutenant, and wrap up, it's gonna get cold tonight."

Olivia prepared to leave but Amanda's bare hands and hat-less head concerned her. It was freezing outside and the blonde was clearly not dressed for the low temperature which made the brunette feel quilty for being so well wrapped up herself. Without a second thought, she pulled her hat and gloves off, handed them to the frozen curled up blonde and smiled softly.

"Well, you're gonna need these then and I won't take no for an answer." she held the items in her hand, waiting for Amanda to take them and, when she finally did, she accepted them hesitantly.

"Wh... why are you doing this? Why are you being so nice to me? I... I can't accept these." she handed them back but Olivia refused to take them by taking a step backwards.

"You need them more than I do, besides, I'm almost home so I won't be cold for much longer. If it makes you feel better about it, you can return them to me when spring arrives. You know where I work." smiling softly, Olivia winked and hurried off before Amanda could put up a fight.

The young blonde sat there, hat and gloves in her hand, feeling Olivia's warmth radiate from them and she ran her thumb over the thick and fluffy material, relishing the soft touch. Bringing the items up to her nose, she closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of wool, coconut shampoo and vanilla, thinking that this must be Olivia's scent and it brought a smile to her face.

It had been years since she had gotten something new, well second hand but new to her, and she almost felt too sared to use it. What if she completely worn them down until there were only tatters left, what if they got stolen from her or if she lost them herself? She couldn't return a pair of gloves and a hat that were in complete shambles and not to mention items that she didn't have anymore. Even if she did manage to keep them in a somewhat decent condition, she would have to wash them before returning them to the rightful owner and she was quite limited when it came to washing facilities and would have to wash things by hand when there was a sink or a bathtub privided.

However, tonight was an exception, tonight was freezing, bitter and grey and the warmth from the hat and gloves was too inviting and welcoming to stay away or refuse. Slowly, so she could appreciate the feeling even more, she slipped one woolen glove onto her frozen hand, followed by the other and she shivered at the contact. It was a good shiver, not a shiver from cold, fear or sadness, it was a shiver of contentment and enticement, the stark contrast from when something cold meets warm or when someone delivered really good news and you can't help but to tremble at the delightful message. The feeling of the warm gloves rushed through her system and she sighed, slipped the hat over her toussled locks, leaned back against the wall behind her and closed her eyes. She wasn't as cold anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 3

The hat and gloves were safely tucked away in the pockets of her coat to reduce the chance of them getting dirty or stolen. The warmth that the given items had provided her had made such a difference to her body temperature since she had been significantly warmer last night. Her mind was still worried as she thought about her friends Sam and Annie, especially Annie, since she was not in the best of health and seemed very ill, worn and defeated, as if she had given up on herself, Sam and even hope. It was not the Annie she knew.

It was dark again. The sun had just disappeared behind the western horizon and the moon was the only nightlight in the sky, the stars hidden behind a thick blanket of grey clouds. It wasn't as cold as it had been the previous night and Amanda could feel the snow in the air as the clouds seemed to be closing in around the city, enveloping it's inhabitants with a threatening and eerie atmosphere.

Again, she had to find a place to sleep. All the shelters were full, as usual this time of year, and the other places she knew of was already taken by some drunk or druggie that was passed out or trying to buy alcohol or cocaine from her. It was difficult to find a spot where she would be both sheltered from the weather and safe, or at least somewhat safe, from the muggers, gangs and perps roaming the streets and on the prowl for their next victim. Groaning, she continued down a side lane that seemed to be sheltered enough but it didn't look like it had an alcove, a groove into the wall of some sort or a dumpster or two to use as a blocker for the wind.

There was a good sized pile of rubbish bags situated half way down the alley which would have to do for now. She separated a few bags, sat down in the middle and repositioned them around herself to act like some sort of a shelter. It wasn't ideal or very functional but at least the bags didn't smell or had rats running around them, digging through and eating whatever they could get at.

A biting breeze passed by, causing Amanda to shiver and shatter her teeth loudly. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her chins, thinking about the gloves and hat that was tucked away in her pockets serving no use. Quickly, she pulled them on, realizing how stupid it was not to use them when they were there to fill a purpose. Sleep came about an hour later when sheer exhaustion finally kicked in and her eyes slowly drifted shut.

Startled and terrified she woke up by a large pair of hands grabbing her by the shoulders, shaking her, clawing at her clothes and hair, pinning her down with his enormous bodyweight. She didn't get a chance to scream this time as a rough hand slammed against her mouth and nose, making it almost impossible to breath. Looking at the figure in front of her she could pretty much tell that it was the same man who had attacked her just over two weeks ago.

She struggled against his fierce grip as he grunted and panted into her face, his stale and horrid breath travelled across her features and it made her feel sick to her stomach. The smell was familiar to her, as if she had experienced it before, and that's when she knew for sure that this was the same guy, without a doubt. She fought hard against the heavy weight on top of her for several minutes before her strength ran out, letting her body go limp and sagged against the wall behind her. The large hand covering her oxygen passages still remained in the same position and the need for air became desperate as her vision began to blur significantly.

Just as she was about to pass out from lack of air, the part of the hand covering her nose slipped down slightly and she could finally take a gasping breath and feed her starving lungs. Still not able to scream or barely even let out a whimper she could suddenly feel his other hand tug at her pants, tearing at the material until it finally gave in and ripped at the seams. He was so much bigger, so much stronger and more powerful than she was and eventually she reached a state where she just gave up fighting back and surrendered to the horrors of it all.

She shut her eyes tightly and scrunched up her face in pain as he violently entered her and began to roughly thrust his hips in a somewhat jerky and unsteady rhythm. The heavy weight on top of her pressed down at her chest and lungs, making her breathing, again, more difficult. Even though it was freezing outside Amanda could still feel beads of sweat dripping down onto her face and neck as he slammed into her over and over and over again, grunting and panting.

He didn't last long but for Amanda it felt like a lifetime. He roughly pulled out of her, fixed his junk and his clothing before punching her square in the face, knocking her out cold and left her there, half naked, bruised and freezing.

"It's gotta be the same guy, Liv. Another homeless woman, same MO, identical types of injuries and rape. We're looking for the same scumbag here." Fin explained heatedly while he paced back and forth between his and Carisi's desk, frustrated that they didn't have anything on this guy yet.

"I know, Fin." Liv agreed. "We're more than likely looking at the same perp here but 1 PP wants to see all this written in black and white, solid evidence and proof. We don't even have a partial print or a sketch to go on."

"I wanna nail this son of a bitch. Four vics in two weeks, all raped except for one because he got scared off before he could start. What are we gonna do? Split up and prowl the allies, dumpsters and abandoned buildings until we find the bastard?"

There was a tension in the room that spread and got heavier by the second. Fin was raging, Carisi not far behind, although he wasn't displaying it as vigorously as Fin and Olivia didn't know what she felt since it was a mixture of emotions and feelings that she tried not to dwell on or think about too much. She had learnt over the many years, as a SVU detective, not to get too emotionally involved but it was extremely difficult not to, especially when she got the privilege to witness a survivor of sexual assault, fight so hard to come out whole at the other end and watch them get their justice and later thrive in life.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for every survivor that walked through the doors at the 1 6 precinct. Some victims never got justice, never found closure or peace and lived their daily life in shame, fear and blame for what had happened to them and there was only so much Olivia could do. She took it all to heart and always empathized with the victims, doing her best to reassure and comfort but sometimes that wasn't enough and it made her feel so angry, useless and frustrated with herself and the system. It was a difficult job with a lot of heartbreak, stress and pain but someone had to do it or no one else would, at least not many people would want to be in this line of work.

"Hi, gang! Did you all miss me terribly while I was gone?" John Munch just entered the squad room with a grin on his face, looking relaxed and refreshed.

"Thank god, you're back!" Carisi moaned and rubbed his hands over his face. "Less workload for us all, plus Fin is killing me with his grumpy mood and anger issues. I'm surprised I'm not immune to his complaints by now."

Fin just glared at the youngest member of the squad but decided not to say anything smart back that would get him into trouble. John snorted in amusement and approached the African-American sergeant and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "I've been working with this guy for over thirteen years and I'm still not immune to his charms." he chuckled while Fin continued to glare.

Liv walked over to her eldest detective and gave him a brief hug, smiling softly to the kind hearted man. "Welcome back, John. We sure missed you around here. I hope you had a great and relaxing holiday because I need all of you to be focused and at your best on this case. Why are you here so late? You're still officially on vacation until tomorrow morning."

"I couldn't stay away." he grinned and winked. "So, the homeless rapist?" Munch questioned. "I read all about it in the newspapers and knew you were working twenty-four seven on this. Although, the title is slightly confusing, even for an old man like myself. when I first read about it I thought the guy in question was homeless himself but it then turned out that _he_ was raping homeless. Are we sure that's the case?"

"Nope." Carisi was quick to answer. "We don't have anything on this guy. He could be homeless but he could also be a top notch financier on Wall Street earning a ton of money every day."

"Either way, we need to find this ass hole before he rapes someone else. He has done way too much damage as it is." pissed off, Fin clenched his fists repeatedly and, once again, began to pace.

John stepped in. "You're gonna make us all nauseous, my friend, why don't you take a breath and..."

Olivia's phone rang, interrupting Munch's vague attempt to calm his colleague down. "Benson." her face was stoic, full of focus and determination but then it suddenly changed as her whole expression fell and turned into a mask of defeat, frustration and concern. "Which hospital?"

The detectives went completely silent and patiently waited for their Lieutenant to finish her short conversation on the phone. Judging by her face, voice and some of her words, they knew it wasn't good news coming from the person at the other end of the line. "Another vic?" Fin asked, raising his eyebrows in a questioning manner even though he already knew the answer.

"Yeah, it's Amanda and she's asking for me." Liv replied, already getting ready to leave, her face frowned deep in concern and worry.

"I'll go with you." Fin stated firmly, more demanding than questioning.

"No." Olivia interrupted. "Fin, Carisi, go home, get some rest and I'll see you both in the morning. John, we'll see you in the morning and again welcome back to the mad house."

She entered the hospital doors, dreading what was coming, worried for Amanda's health and wellbeing, wondering what kind of damage the perp had caused her during the attack. The same nurse, that had handled Amanda's case previously, approached the brunette, a sad smile lingering on her lips, preparing herself to deliver the news, good and bad. "Lieutenant, we meet again, unfortunately. She has been asking for you."

"Hi, yeah, I wish it could be under different circumstances. How is she? What are her injuries? Is she okay?" she rambled, barely taking a breath between each question.

"Hypothermia, concussion, split lip, bruises on her arms, breasts and inner thighs, vaginal tearing and bleeding." the nurse stated sadly, shaking her head as she read through the file of numerous injuries that the blonde had sustained. "The good news is that we got a swab of the perp's perspiration and also, what looks like, skin under her fingernails. I can't say for sure without it being confirmed but it looks like you've got some DNA to work with this time, Lieutenant. Hopefully enough to nail this prick cause I don't want to see any more of his handy work. She's in the second last room down the hall to the left. We'll be keeping her here over night for observation but she should be able to be discharged tomorrow afternoon."

"Thank you." Liv politely stated and braised herself before she approached the room that she dreaded to enter but had no choice but to. "Amanda?" she softly called out while opening the door, knocking gently on the door frame. "Amanda, it's Lieutenant Benson, can I come in?"

There was nothing but silence as she waited a few seconds to give the younger woman a chance to answer but, when she didn't get a reply, she stepped inside anyway and was greeted with the most pitiful and fragile sight she had seen in a long time.

Amanda was sleeping but she didn't look very peaceful or comfortable as her face held a frown of pain and despair even in her relaxed state. A feeling of deja vu washed over her senses as she stared at the small form wrapped in something that looked like tin foil and thick blankets, lying in the big bed with bruises on her face along with a nasty looking split lip and she could only imagine what kind of damage was hiding underneath her hospital gown and all the covers.

She looked so small and vulnerable in the big bed, her pale features causing her to look almost childlike and so fragile. She looked worse this time than the previous time she had visited her in the hospital and Olivia could feel her own eyes burn from emotions that she didn't understand. She barely knew this woman and had only met her a couple of times, shared a few phrases and had given her a pair of gloves and a hat, to protect her from the cold, but it felt like as if she knew this woman in some way, shape or form. Something about her, about this stranger seemed uncannily familiar.

A low and painfilled moan brought Olivia out of her thoughts and she drew her attention to Amanda's face, which was contoured with deep lines of fear and agony, obviously experiencing something awful and horrid in her sleepy state. The deep concern and empathy got the better of her and she sat down at the edge of the metal framed bed and murmured softly to the blonde while lightly stroking a pale cheek with her knuckles. "Shhh, you're okay. You're safe now, honey, you're safe."

It tore at her heart to see Amanda in such distress and when the injured woman began to toss and turn in her sleep, mumbling incoherently, only then did she take a hold of two quivering shoulders and gave them a light shake. "Amanda, wake up! It's only a dream, honey, you're okay. You're safe." Liv comforted and sighed in relief as the blonde seemed to be calming down. "That's it, sweetheart, you're okay."

Suddenly, as quick as a bolt of lightening, Amanda sat straight up in the bed, took a long gasping breath of air, eyes wide open in terror and tears slowly leaking from the blue orbs. As soon as she saw Olivia sitting there, so close to her with a worried expression on her face, she immediately became extremely embarrassed, scooted up slightly to create more distance between them and hastily dried her tears that were threatening to fall in an even more steadily flow. The Lieutenant had given her a freight or a slight shock, by her unexpected proximity, which made Amanda move quickly by instinct, causing strain on her injuries and she suddenly winched in pain.

Liv was, just like Amanda, acting on her instincts, which were to reassure, comfort and sooth and held her hands up in mid air, indicating that she wasn't going to hurt her in any way and then placed a gentle hand on the blonde's upper arms, stroking her throught the material of the hospital gown and blakets. "Hey, shh, I'm not going to hurt you. It's me, Olivia." she spoke softly in such a low, gentle and soothing voice that Amanda almost believed her.

"Lieutenant?" she whispered shakily and visibly relaxed back against the pillows, shivering quite violently due to her low core temperature that was slowly but steadily increasing. "Wh... what are you do... doing here?" her teeth shattered as she spoke, her body stiff and uncoordinated and her breathing hitched between breaths, causing her chest to heave.

Liv frowned but continued to softly rub the slender arm of the blonde without giving it much thought as it came so naturally to Olivia to nurse and nurture. "The nurse rang me, honey, said that you were asking for me." she informed in a low tone, almost a whisper.

Now it was Amanda's turn to frown. "I... I did?"

The brunette cocked her head to one side and smiled gently. "You don't remember?" Olivia watched as Amanda's eyes opened and closed several times, as if to get some clarity in what was going on, and then shook her head, panicking slightly for not being able to recal what Olivia was informing her. "That's okay, honey, you don't have to remember."

They both sat in silence for a moment, Olivia's presence having a soothing effect on the still upset and distraught younger woman, giving her all the time that she needed to compose herself before asking the loaded question. "Can you tell me what happened, sweetie?"

Amanda hated crying, hated expressing any type of emotional feelings and would usually just push those feelings away, ignore them completely or get angry at herself for even having them. This time was different. This time she had been victimized, beaten, raped and left to die in freezing temperature, half naked and bleeding. This time she felt weakened, vulnerable and frail and found it hard to stop the tears that were already streaming down her pale and cold cheeks, the salty drops dripping down onto the pillow and blankets, creating damp circles in the material.

She didn't want to give in to the weakened feeling of crying, especially in front of someone, someone that she didn't know, but it was as if her whole being, her body, mind and spirit were already giving in to the tempting release of just letting go and lose herself in the cleansing and refreshing feelings of crying. It was too far gone for her to do anything about it now and she cursed herself for being so stupid and sensitive but the pressure in her chest was rapidly building and there was no other option but to give up and go with it, no matter how much she hated it.

Liv watched the petite frozen woman in front of her crumble and a low and guttural moan finally slipped through her emotionally clogged up throat, her body shivering profusely as she slowly warmed up. The sight of Amanda shattering into little pieces, only a few inches away, tugged at her heart and she could no longer just sit and do nothing to help. Instead, she scooted closer to the almost hysterical blonde, gently wrapped an arm around shaking shoulder and slowly brough her close to her own body, the blonde head resting on her chest as her whole body wracked with sobs.

"Easy, sweetheart, you're okay. You're safe now, no one is going to hurt you here, I promise. Just try to relax and slow down your breathing if you can. I'm right here with you. I'm right here."


	4. Chapter 4

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 4

Amanda had cried herself to sleep in Olivia's arms, her body heavy and relaxed but involuntary shivered from time to time as her core temperature slowly returned to it's normal state. It had been ten minutes since Amanda had broken down, ten minutes since she had accepted the warm and calming embrace of Olivia and ten minutes since the brunette had brought her close to her chest and soothed her into a light slumber.

The lightweight form in her arms felt so small and fragile as she held her against her front, running her fingers through tangled blonde tresses that were in desperate need of some attention to get all the knots out. Olivia needed to know what had happened, what Amanda had seen and how she was doing, emotionally and physically. However, gazing down at the pale features of the blonde, she didn't have the heart to wake her up just to torment her with questions about her horrible ordeal. Instead, she lowered the slender body back onto the mattress and pillows, made sure the blankets were covering every inch of bare skin and brushed her fingers over a fair brow then cupping her cheek softly.

Even though it was late in the evening, nearing bedtime, Olivia couldn't find the will or the want to leave. Something inside of her told her to stay. Even if the nurses and the doctors insisted that she had to leave she would immediately refuse without a second thought, fighting her corner until she got what she wanted. Fortunately, no doctor or nurses, insisted that she left so she got as comfortable as she could in the hard plastic chair, wrapping her coat tighter around her body so she wouldn't get cold and then let her eyelids flutter close.

Waking up all of a sudden, Olivia frowned, her eyes still closed, hoping she would be able to go back to sleep in a few minutes but a faint noise interrupted her plans and she looked around the darkish room through a narrow slither between her eyelids, searching for the noise that had startled her sleep. Almost immediately she spotted a small dark figure sitting up in the bed, huddled up under blankets and covers. Amanda.

She was softly crying, trying to stiffle the sobs by pressing her face against her knees, choking the cries of anguish that erupted from her throat. Liv got to her feet, glanced at the screen on her phone to find out the time and saw that it was nearly five am. Slowly and quietly, not wanting to scare the blonde by making loud noises or sudden movements. She knew that it was the shock setting in from her traumatic ordeal and she could also see the petite shoulders and arms shiver as Amanda tried to cover herself up in need of warmth.

She must've sensed or heard Olivia get up from her seat because when the brunette sat down and placed a gentle hand on her back, she didn't flinch didn't jerk away from her touch or whimper in fear. Instead, she just sat there, her posture stiff and rigid as if she was afraid to relax or even look up to meet Olivia's brown gaze.

"Hey, you okay?" Liv queried softly, already knowing the answer. Of course Amanda wasn't okay so there was no need to verbalize it with a question but it was the only thing that she could think of.

"Ugh hu..." Amanda mumbled, not wanting to make a big deal out of it, not use to having someone asking her those kinds of questions. "Yeah... I'm fine." she sat up straight, took a deep breath and dried her watery eyes and face. "Sorry... bad dream." she stuttered and smiled shyly through her tears, hoping Olivia would believe her and just let it go but it would be easier to ask a man wandering in the desert for a glass of water.

"You want to tell me about it? What happened last night Amanda?" Liv tried. "I have to take your statement, honey, so we can get this guy."

Amanda snapped her head around, looking Liv straight in the eye, anger flashing in the blue watery orbs. "You don't need my statement, Lieutenant. How is me telling you how he raped and beat me going to help you catch him? You just need paperwork to fill up your empty case file. I did the rape kit, they found fluids, you can get your guy from that."

Uninvited, Olivia sat down on the bed, leaving a few inches between them so she wouldn't crowd the blonde. "I know you're angry, I know you're in pain and you're scared but I promise you that things will get better, even though it doesn't seem that way right now. There are services, free of charge, that we provide. I can get you into counseling, individual sessions or in a group if you prefer that but, please, don't push people that only want to help you away, sweetie. That's not the answer."

"Why?" Amanda snapped harshly, eyes flashing.

"Why what?"

The gentleness and concern in Olivia's low voice annoyed the blonde to a point where she didn't know what to say to argue back. Instead, she sighed and turned her head towards the window and looked out at the darkness. "I'm sorry you wasted your time and slept in a horribly uncomfortable chair for nothing. You got the rape kit and that's all I'm giving you, Lieutenant. You can leave now."

It saddened Olivia to the core to see Amanda hurting so much and there was nothing she could do to help. Well, there was but Amanda wouldn't accept it or admit to it so there was indeed little she could do at this point. "Okay. Come and see me if you change your mind. You know where I am." she whispered softly, stood up and reluctantly left the room, frustrated and worried at the same time.

Amanda clenched her jaw as a strong biting gust of wind blew into her face causing the snow, that had began to fall five days ago, to compromise her vision as the big fluffy flakes clung to her eyelashes in clumps. Her precious hat and gloves were almost soaked all the way through from the wet snow which only made her shiver even more as the damp cold absorbed itself all the way into her bones.

Again, she had nowhere to sleep and had, after a long debate with herself, decided to visit her friends once again. However, she was somewhat reluctant to see them again, wondering if they thought she only visited so she could get a decent night's sleep and hopefully something edible into her starved stomach but that was not the case. Well, maybe a part of it, a very very small part but the main reason was because of Annie's poor health and that she had to try and keep her friend's spirit up to the best of her ability.

There was not much she could offer but she had somehow managed to get a hold of a chocolate bar that she was determined to give to Annie as a 'get better' gift, knowing that the older woman loved the sweet and smooth taste and texture. Even though she knew that there was no such thing as getting better, not from what her friend was suffering from, she still wanted to try her best to keep her friend's mood in a somewhat positive and lighthearted way, hoping it would bring her some sort of comfort.

Before Amanda entered their little hidden sanctuary, she could hear the rough coughing rip through Annie's hoarse throat, causing gurgling sounds to escape from deep within her chest and Amanda frowned in concern. It didn't sound good, not good at all she thought as she approached the elderly couple sitting by their homemade pit fire, taking warmth and comfort from each other.

"Hi, love birds." Amanda announced her arrival, not wanting a repeat of the last time she had visited and Sam had armed himself with a baseball bat, ready to defend what was rightfully his and beat up any perp who came in his way.

"Mandy!" Sam greeted happily and patted his wife's back. "Look who came to see my girl."

Amanda smiled and made her way to where the couple were residing, in the same old and worn sun launcher, positioned underneath a large piece of torn tarp that they had managed to tie up, acting as a roof and protection against the rain and snow. "Hi, guys. I was just passing by and thought I'd pop in for a short visit. How are things?" she queried even though she could easily see the answer to her own question.

"Can't complain, my dear, can't complain." Annie wheezed out, recovering from a violent fit of raspy and horrible sounding choking noises.

Amanda saw a flicker of worry and defeat in Sam's eyes and she offered him a sad smile, patted him on the arm and then fished around in her pocket for the milky treat. Crutching down in front of the elderly woman, Amanda held out the chocolate bar and watched as the corner of Annie's lips twitched ever so slightly, obviously too exhausted to offer a fully toothed smile. Looking into the deep brown eyes of her friend, she saw something that scared her, something that scared her to the core of her being.

She saw death.

There was no longer a light inside those dark eyes, no glimmer, no hope. It was as if someone had suddenly turned off all the lights in a big and bright amusement park or all the fairy lights in a Christmas market on a dark and snowy evening and nothing or nobody else was around, just darkness and hopelessness. She could tell that it wouldn't be long before Annie had to leave them both behind and she was suddenly filled with an immense sadness that seemed to be pressing down hard and ruthlessly on her chest, choking her slowly.

The only thing that she could do now was to give the older couple this night to themselves, to treasure and cherish the short time they had left together in this universe and in this lifetime. She didn't want to disturb or intrude on something so valuable and rich as precious time so she swallowed her own tears, engulfed her friend in a warm loving hug and just held her for a moment, lingering for as long as she could until she finally had no choice but to let go. "I love you, Annie. Don't ever forget that." she choked out between threatening tears, smiling through the salty droplets in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit even though they all knew what was coming. There was no denying it.

"I lo... love you too, Mandy. Always will." Annie whispered weakly and held onto the blonde's hands as hard as she could. "My last meal, ugh?" she chuckled faintly and gestured towards the chocolatey treat in her hand. "Not too... shabby." she snickered tiredly and closed her eyes, the exhaustion getting the better of her and she could barely keep them open.

"Thank you, Mandy. That meant a lot to her, I'm sure." Sam managed to say even though his voice was unmistakable shaky and full of raw emotions that were all too difficult to deal with.

It was too much for Amanda as well and she didn't dare to speak in case she would fully break down and make it even harder for the two. Instead, she flung her arms around the big and bulky man, hanging on so tightly she thought she might actually break a bone or two, feeling the strong hug being just as passionately returned. "Take care of yourself, Mandy. Maybe we'll see each other again some day."

Amanda frowned and pulled away, looking the man in the eyes. "What do you mean? Where are you going?"

Sam just smiled and kissed her forehead in a fatherly fashion. "I have some stuff to take care of but I don't want you to worry for me, alright? Whatever happens, just know that I will be okay and so will you, I promise you that."

Amanda left her two friends that night, not really knowing what Sam had actually meant with what he had said. She had an uneasy feeling in her stomach as she wandered the dark, cold and snowy streets of Manhattan, lost in her own mind, feeling that heavy sadness wash over her again like a ton of bricks and she found it hard to breath. Every breath was painful and an immense effort to even walk up straight was taking it's toll on her body as she almost crumbled to the ground several times while desperately trying to compose herself. The tears blurred her snowy vision, burning her eyes as the drops slowly trickled down her cheeks before turning into a crystallized pearl on her delicate skin.

Life was fucking unfair.

She didn't know where to go, what to do or who to go to. The two people who had become like family for the past couple of years were now gone and there was a big hole in her heart, a big raw, infected and angry looking scar that would take forever to heal, if it did at all. She didn't fancy staying out in the cold tonight, a shelter would have to do but it was already late and she knew from previous experience that they were all full by now since people had been queuing all day to get a bed. She was too late.

Absentmindedly, she strolled down the same alleyway where she had met Olivia the second time and she had so kindly given her her hat and gloves. She was so grateful that she still had them in her possession, they could have easily been lost or taken during her attack but somehow they had managed to stay intact, just a bit dirty. To her relief she found a hard plastic crate leaning up against the red brick wall and she flipped it around so she could sit down and rest her legs.

It was as if everything finally caught up to her, the two attacks, the rape, Annie and Sam and she could no longer keep her tears at bay. Covering her face with her gloved hands she cried deep gut wrenching sobs that tore through her throat as if she had no control over them, which she didn't. Her body shuddered from the anguish cries, her tears soaking the material of the gloves and it felt as if someone was sitting on her chest, choking the life out of her in a slow and agonizing way. This was probably her lowest point in her life since she started wandering the streets.

She suddenly heard foorsteps approaching from her right hand side and her heart began to pound profusely, thinking she was about to be attacked yet another time, but the tall figure coming towards her seemed awfully familiar even though she couldn't see the person's face. She stood up, ready to defend herself if needed be, her breathing hard and fast, almost hyperventilating.

Then, all of a sudden, the figure stopped a few feet away, still hidden by the darkness surrounding them and tilted the head to the side. "Amanda?"

It was Olivia. Olivia was here. Without a second thought, she lounged at the Lieutenant, threw herself at her, wrapping her arms around her strong and warm body, face hidden in her chest and she cried like she never cried before, shamelessly and openly.

The older woman was surprised by the sudden move but she didn't pull away. It took her a while to comprehend what was happening but eventually she steadily roped her own arms around the shivering form, pulling her close to her chest and spoke soothingly to her. "You okay? Are you hurt? What wrong, honey?" she tried to pull away slightly to get a look at the blonde's face, feeling the strong need to make sure she was physically alright but Amanda wouldn't let go and only tightened the hold. "Shhh, alright, it's okay! It's all going to be okay." she soothed while placing a hand at the back of Amanda's head, wanting to shield her and comfort her in any way she possibly could, always happy to help.

It was such a strange feeling too be held so tightly by someone she had only met a couple of times and normally she wouldn't let her guard down like this, she would never let anyone see her in such a hysterical and emotional state but everything was just too much and she had to find an outlet. Clinging to the black soft coat of Olivia, she buried her face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the Lieutenant's scent and wished she could stay there forever, wrapped in a tender embraced, feeling safe and protected, something she hadn't felt in a very long time, if ever.

"Shh, you're okay, you're okay." Liv hushed into her ear as she stroked the bony slim back of the woman in her arms. Confused as to what had gotten Amanda in such a state, she once again tried to pull away to get a look at her face, needing to know what was going on. "I need to know if you're hurt, honey. Do you need medical attention? Do you need a hospital?"

Amanda shook her head vigorously, tears clouding her vision but she could see Olivia's perfectly beautiful features in front of her, studying her with worry and concern. "N... No! I... I'm o... okay." she choked, another powerful sob ripping through her throat and chest.

"Okay, that's good, honey. That's good." Liv let out a sigh of relief and pulled the blonde close to her side, her hand coming up to tenderly wipe away the steady rivulets of salty and cloudy drops. "What got you so upset, hmm? Did someone do anything to you? Why the tears, honey?" she cocked her head down slightly, looking intently into sad pale blue eyes. "Tell me." she whispered, her heart breaking bit by bit as she studied the blotchy face.

"She died." Amanda mumbled, her throat sore and raspy from all the crying, eyes stinging and her chest heavy. "She died."


	5. Chapter 5

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 5

Amamda felt strange and out of place as she sat in the corner of Olivia's couch, too scared to move in case she would break something. She had declined, refused to let Olivia take her into her home, not liking the thought of invading someone else's privacy, especially if it was there home, but Olivia had insisted, not wanting her to wander the streets so upset, in heavy snowfall and obviously extremely emotional. She hadn't said a word since they had entered the Lieutenant's warm and cozy apartment, too afraid that she might start crying again once she opened her mouth.

Liv was busy making tea in the kitchen while keeping a watchful eye on the quiet blonde sitting in her livingroom, cheeks flushed from the cold outside and the tears that had previously fallen were now occasionally dripping down onto her clasped hands resting in her lap. Frowning with worry, Olivia poured the tea, brought in a plate of chocolate chip cookies and sat down next to Amanda, leaving a comfortable gap between the two.

"Here, honey. Have some tea, it'll warm you up." she handed the mug over and watched Amanda accept it with shaky hands, almost spilling the contents. "Easy, sweetie, it's okay. Sip it nice and slow, it's hot."

The stark contrast of the hot mug and her cold hands, made her sigh in relief and she took the first sip of the herbal brew, feeling how it almost instantly warmed her insides as she swallowed it. "Thank you." she mumbled shyly, keeping her gaze low, not wanting to make eye contact in case she would have another breakdown by just looking at Olivia's caring eyes.

"You're welcome." came the simple response. The two sat in silence for awhile, sipping their steaming beverages, Liv throwing her side glances just to make sure she was okay even though it was quite obvious that she wasn't. There was no way she would've left her that upset at night, alone, nowhere to go and no one to talk to. She was glad that she had walked passed the alley when she did, otherwise who knows what could've happened.

After a minute or two of silence, Liv placed her half empty mug on the coffee table and turned her body towards Amanda, scooting slightly closer to her as she offered her a gentle smile. "Who died, honey? Can you tell me?" she questioned softly, not wanting to upset her again but knew that that would be difficult considering the emotional topic of someone dying.

Amanda stared down at her hands, watching the vapor rise from the mug she clutched so tightly it might even break. "Annie." she whispered so faintly that Olivia barely heard it. "Annie died."

"Who's Annie, sweetheart?" the brunette had scooted even closer without Amanda noticing it and by leaning forward she could duck her head slightly to get a clear view of Amanda's tormented face. "Who's Annie?"

Again, the tears welled up in the blue eyes so quickly that she didn't have a chance to brush them away or even try to stop them. Amanda's face crumbled as her body shook from trying so hard to keep them inside. She placed a hand over her mouth to stiffle the sob that was ready to erupt and the tea inside the large mug was so close to spilling over the edge.

Quickly, Olivia removed the mug from a shaky hand, placing it next to hers and shifted in her seat, closing the gap between them by gently removing her old hat that Amanda was now wearing and then began to unbutton the worn navy coat that hung loosely over her frail form, removing it with caution.

The younger woman started to push Olivia's hands away but with her body shaking with such force, it made her movements stiff, jerky and uncoordinated. "No,... I'm... I'm dirty, I can't... I don't want you to see..."

"Shhh, do you think I care about that? It's okay, honey, I'm not here to judge you in any way. I just want to help." she reassured, her voice hushed and soothing as she fully removed the coat and hung it over the back of the sofa. Underneath, Amanda was wearing a dark green knitted sweater that had seen better days judging by the loose bits of thread popping out here and there, under the jumper Liv saw the neckline of what she thought must be a tank top or a t-shirt in blue. On her bottom half she wore a pair of brown faded cargo pants that hung low on her hip bones and her feet wore heavy duty boots that were at least two sizes too big.

Amanda wasn't dirty. Comparing to other homeless people who stayed in shelters, where they had access to a shower, Amanda was relatively clean and her personal hygiene had never been a problem. It were the clothes she wore that were harder to keep clean since she only had the one set she was wearing. Laundry was a luxury that she rarely got to experience.

"I... I don't want to dirty your couch, I... I should go." she said shakily, swallowed her tears but the shaking was still there, causing her to almost fall over as she tried to stand.

"You're not dirty, Amanda, and I don't feel comfortable knowing that you're out there on your own all upset. You can barely stand on your feet, honey, so please just sit back down and try to relax for me, okay. You're alright, everything is okay." she soothed as her hands stroked up and down her trembling arms in loving fashion, helping her to calm down. Looking around she spotted a blanket nearby, grabbed it and wrapped it around Amanda's frozen and upset form, hoping it would help with the violent tremors. "Can you tell me who Annie is?" she tried again, speakimg softly, hoping that this time she would get a response.

Again the awful sadness, that she had experienced not too long ago, bloomed at the recent loss of her friend and the tears seemed to be unstoppable as she crumbled once more, hating herself for being such an emotional wreck. It was difficult to even breath between the sobs and cries and she clutched at her own chest, as if to ease the discomfort that was pressing down on her, clawing at her own skin.

"Hey, hey, hey... easy, sweetheart. Stop that, you'll hurt yourself." Liv whispered and, ever so gently, took a hold of the cold and stiff hand and held it between her own warm ones, feeling the tremors. "Come here, honey. Come here."

Amanda was barely aware of Olivia's strong arms as they snuck around her and pulled her close. She was crying so hard she was almost hysterical, her body still shook violently as she pulled her knees up to her chest, feeling Olivia adjusting the blanket so it was covering her whole frame. "There we go, sweetie, you're okay, you're okay. I'm so sorry that you're so upset. We'll talk more when you're ready, okay. Just take your time, there's no rush. We'll just sit here for a while. There we go. Shhh."

After being so cold for a longer period of time and then experience the lovely warmth of Olivia's welcoming apartment, her body was trying to adjust to the stark contrast of the temperature difference and she began to feel really warm and sluggish in the soothing embrace. Her cheeks, ears and neck were beginning to feel as if they were on fire and then, slowly, she could feel the rest of her body breaking out in a cold sweat, almost instantly soaking her t-shirt and sweater completely.

Embarrassed, she began to struggle inside the safe and warm cocoon of Olivia's arms, afraid she would become a burden, make a mess of everything or even pass out but she was suddenly too tired, too out of it, to move and all she could manage were faint and pitiful whimpers along with a constant tossing of her head from side to side.

Olivia immediately pulled away as she felt the heat radiating from the bundle in her arms and, worried, she looked down at the flushed face, caressing it with the back of her hand. "Jesus, Amanda, you're burning up. How... What's going on, honey? How do you feel?" the brunette was perplexed as to how quickly it had all started and how out of it Amanda seemed to be. Was it a sudden raging fever taking a hold of the young woman or was it her body adjusting to the temperature difference by switching from freezing cold to heated air inside the warm apartment or was it the shock of what had supposedly happened to Annie, whoever she was, or was it a mixture of all of the above? She didn't know. All she knew was that Amanda was burning up and it worried her. "Amanda?" she called out again, louder this time, hoping to get a reaction or an answer.

"Hot... I'm... hot." she mumbled, restless and uncomfortable. "I... I should... should go. I'm sorry, I... I..."

"Shhh, relax, honey. You're not going anywhere, not like this." Liv held on tighter, preventing her from getting up and leave, if she was even able to move at all. "Come on, can you stand?" she didn't really wait for an answer and began to haul the blonde into a semi standing position then wrapped an arm around her middle for support. "Nice and easy, honey. You're gonna be okay."

She literally dragged Amanda into the bathroom, sat her down on the toilet, wet a face cloth and began stroking it gently across her heated face and neck, one hand supporting the bobbing head as she did so. Amanda moaned at as the cool compress made contact with her burning skin and a wave of exhaustion washed over her, making it at great task to keep her eyes open and focused.

Olivia knew she had to get her temperature back to normal, whatever this was and she made sure that the blonde was safe and securely seated before she left her side for only a minute. She came back with a glass of water, two fever reducers, two large towels and a set of pajamas. "Here, honey, take these. They'll help with the fever."

After swallowing the pills Amanda groaned as the cold water soothed her now aching throat and she somehow managed to look Liv in the eye long enough to apologize. "I'm sorry." she whispered hoarsely and a shiver took a hold of her body once again.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, honey." she felt the hot clammy skin underneath her palm as she brushed her hand across her forehead and cheek. "I've got to get this fever down, okay? Do you trust me?" her hand lingered on Amanda's face, stroking her thumb just bellow a fluttering eye.

"Hmmm." was all Amanda could manage to vocalize at the moment, her body turning slack but remained upright.

"I'll take that as a yes." Liv sighed and began to prepare for a bath. She turn the tap, letting cool water slowly fill the tub while she hesitantly started to remove Amanda's worn clothes, starting with her shoes and worked her way up. She was relieved to see that she was wearing panties, and decided to let her keep them on for now, and then she swiftly pulled her sweater and t-shirt off in one move and noticed straight away that she had no bra. Trying not to look, not wanting to take advantage of a semi conscious woman, she scooped the lightweight up into her arms and carefully lowered her into the water, making sure her head stayed above the surface.

As soon as she was submerged, Amanda opened her eyes, blinked several times in confusion before she began to panic and struggle against Olivia's hold. "Wh... what's happening? Why am I..."

"Easy, it's just me Olivia. You have a fever, honey, and I'm trying to bring it down. Just relax for me and this will be over in no time, I promise you that." she soothed and tenderly ran the cloth across her face over and over, willing the fever to go down. Amanda calmed and her eyes fluttered close again as she drifted in and out of her fever infested state, whimpering and moaning now and then as the cold wash cloth ran over a particularly delicate spot.

Olivia couldn't stop her eyes from wandering down the slim body and she noticed how skinny and underweight she actually was and there were also several scars, big and small, littering the pale porcelain skin and she wondered how they had ended up there in the first place. Living on the streets probably caused them, she thought bitterly, pulled the plug and watched as the water slowly drained from the tub, leaving Amanda lying in an empty bath.

"Okay, here we go." Liv muttered to herself, contemplating how to proceed from here. The panties would have to come off. They were soaking wet and would only cause discomfort and probably do more harm than good right now so, very gently while not looking, she slid the wet garment down her legs and left them in the tub, deciding to deal with them later. With a loud grunt she picked the sleepy blonde up in her arms, surprised at how light she actually was and carried her into the bedroom where she could lie her down on the bed and towel her off properly.

It somehow felt as if she was taking advantage of the younger woman in her fragile state even though she knew that she would never do such a thing. The only reason she was looking at Amanda's slack body was because she had to make sure she wasn't hurt or in need of medical attention. However, she seemed physically fine, which was a great relief, but she was concerned about how underweight she appeared to be and the high raging fever that had taken control of her mind and body.

It was a difficult task to get her dry and changed. Her skin seemed slightly cooler to the touch but Liv knew that that could change in a heartbeat and the fever could spike again to a dangerous level in the matter of a couple of hours. The pajamas, she had awkwardly managed to dress Amanda in, was too big for her small frame but at least it was warm and soft. After wrapping the covers around her heated body, she sat down by the edge of the bed with a cool washcloth in hand and, once again, began to gently stroke it over her slumbering features, watching as Amanda turned into the touch as soft moans escaped her pink lips.

About an hour passed and Liv had busied herself with some simple cleaning, finishing off a small stack of paperwork, that had been sitting on the coffee table for several days collecting dust and she had also washed Amanda's clothes for her, even though she wasn't sure if it would be appreciated or not.

As she was finished hanging up the wet laundry, a noise caught her ears. Looking up she saw a very unsteady and delerious Amanda stumbling her way down the short corridor towards the livingroom, swaying from side to side as her hands uncoordinately clawed at the walls in a desperate attempt to steady herself. Her eyes were open, glossy but wide open, breathing fast and shallow and she was mumbling incoherently between the short pants of air, something that Liv couln't quite hear.

"Hey, Amanda, you okay? What's going on?" Olivia quickly made her way up the confused and dazed blonde, carefully placed a hand on her upper arm and felt the tremors underneath her palm. "What's going on, sweetie? Do you need anything?" she studied the flushed face in front of her, watching as the blue eyes opened and closed several times, as if to clear her mind and vision, and noticed the pasty look on her features. Just like before Olivia tenderly checked the temperature with the back of her hand by placing it on Amanda's forehead, wanting to know if her fever had spiked within the hour but there didn't seem to be an increase in the fever that was taking it's toll on the woman.

"He knows... he... he knows where I'm... I... I need to... to hide... hide from... him... I..."

"Amanda, you don't need to hide from anyone. You're safe here with me. No one here is going to hurt you, honey. Come on, let's get you back to bed, you're exhausted and sick and you need your rest." Amanda didn't put up a fight but instead she allowed the older woman to guide her back into the cozy bedroom and underneath the covers.

"Olivia?"

The soft voice was more like a whisper and the brunette gazed softly into the pale blue eyes that were now staring right at her so full of sadness, anguish and pain. "What, sweetie?" she whispered back and placed her palm flush against her cheek, feeling the warmth penetrate her own skin.

"He... he hurt me and... and now... now Annie is gone, I... I don't know what to do." tears welled up and rolled down her face and Olivia tried to catch every drop as it fell.

"I know, sweetheart, I know. I'm so sorry that he hurt you and I'm sorry to hear about Annie. I just wish you could tell me what happened, honey, so I can help you." gently she brushed blonde hair away from her clammy forehead, concern written across her face as she studied the pained features of the woman laying in her bed. "You're not hurting now, are you? You have to tell me if you're in any pain, honey. I don't want you to be suffering, not if I can help it, okay?"

Amanda nodded silently before her face crumbled and the tears flowed freely down her cheeks, wetting the white pillow beneath her blonde locks. "I'm sorry." she whimpered as her hand flew to her mouth, wanting to stop the sobs and the cries from escaping their confinement.

Carefully, as to not scare or hurt the sobbing blonde, Olivia gently slid one arm underneath a slender neck while the other snuck roped around her back, pulling her up and held her against her chest, feeling the tears wet her top and the small body shake from physical exhaustion, a raging fever and mixed emotions.

"Shhh, don't apologize, sweetie. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling and just let go. I've got you, I'm right here, I'm right here."


	6. Chapter 6

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 6

When Amanda popped her eyes open she instantly became aware of the warmth and comfort that surrounded her from all possible angles and it was a sensation she was not use to, something she hadn't felt or experienced in a long time. Her vision was slightly blurred but after a few times of repetitive blinking she could make out the silhouettes of a large chest of drawers, a big sliding wardrobe and an open door leading into a bathroom, amongst other things, and that's when she remembered where she was. Olivia's place. Olivia's home.

She wondered what time it was because it was still dark outside and inside and the place was dead quiet. There was a digital clock on one of the night stands next to the bed which read 5.37 am, blaring it's violent light straight into her sensitive red rimmed and puffy eyes, causing a stinging sensation and she had to turn away from it. The bed she was lying in was a king size with plenty of room to spread out, if so wished, and the covers and the pillows smelled like vanilla and sandalwood, they smelled like Olivia.

Where was Olivia? It hadn't been her intention to kick the brunette out of her own bed and take up the ample space all on her own. She felt bad for taking up residency in someone else's bed, especially if that person was someone she hardly knew, and she instantly got a strong urge to get up and leave so Olivia could have her bed back.

She tossed the covers aside and a sudden wave of cold air hit her comfortably warm body, the high fever she had suffered the previous night had now calmed significantly but she could still feel the aftermath of it and she was probably still on the feverish side of the scale. She shivered as she clumsily stumbled out of the room and into the kitchen, swaying on her feet as she stopped to have a look around in the darkish room, trying to navigate her way through the apartment but it was difficult without any source of light.

"Amanda?" Olivia's soft voice rang out and she came to an abrupt halt, wondering from where exactly the voice had come from. Then, she noticed a dark figure sitting on the couch and that figure couldn't be anybody else but Olivia. "You okay?" she questioned gently as she stood up and made her way over to where Amanda was standing on two shaky legs, straining her eyes so that she could see anything at all in the dark.

It all came back to Amanda, as Liv stod there looking at her with concern, about what had happened last night and how she had ended up inside Lieutenant Benson's apartment, how she had cried her eyes out like a baby, how she had completely broken down in front of her and how Olivia had held her as she sobbed. Vague memories of lying naked in a bathtub, to bring down the fever, also resurfaced and she got instantly mortified by it, nervous and embarrassed that Liv had seen her in that condition. Her cheeks turned into a deep shade of pink as she thought about it but was brought back to the present when she felt Olivia's cool hand on her cheek and forehead.

"You still have a fever, honey. What are you doing out of bed? Do you need anything?" Liv gently queried as she studied the flushed and distant looking face of the younger woman, wondering what she was doing up at this time of the morning.

"I... I'm... I'm not... I... I can't take your bed." Amanda finally stuttered, feeling somewhat stupid for saying it now after she had already slept in it for hours but it was the only thing that slipped out of her mouth once she opened it.

Olivia just smiled softly, knowing that the fever must be invading Amanda's sleepy mind and that she wasn't fully aware of what was going on or happening around her as her senses were dulled and foggy. She wrapped an arm around Amanda's middle and slowly guided her back to the bedroom where she had emerged from only a minute ago. "Of course you can, and you will." she insisted as she tucked the blonde in underneath the covers for the second time. "Don't worry about anything. Just sleep." she whispered and brushed golden strands away from already closed eyes, feeling a wave of a protective and nurturing instinct wash over her and how it puzzled her. How was it possible to feel such things towards a woman she barely knew? Someone she had just met and didn't know anything about? It was a mystery.

"I wish... I wish I could... go back in time." Amanda mumbled, eyes fluttering. "Maybe Annie would still..."

"No!" Liv interrupted, her voice firm but soft. "Don't go there. Don't do that to yourself, nothing good will come of it, trust me." she soothed and felt her own eyes burn with emotion as she watched Amanda unravel for a second time right in front of her, her breathing hitched before a guttural sob ripped through her chest and she brought her hands up to cover her face, embarrassed for breaking down once again.

Olivia's eyes softened as she witnessed the walls around the younger woman crumble to the ground and left nothing but ruins. She heard the strenuous gasps for air and gently turned the blonde onto her side, facing her, thinking it would be easier for her to catch her breath but, after a minute, the pants and gasps, in a desperate attempt to get some oxygen into her starved lungs, didn't seem to get any better. "Honey, I'm gonna sit you up, okay? You need to breath, sweetheart, you need to calm your breathing. Come on, everything is alright."

With a soft grunt, she had the upset woman pulled into a seated position, her back resting against the wall behind her, hands still covering her flushed face in shame as her body shook. "Shhh, Amanda! I need you to move your hands for me, okay. You're making your breathing even more difficult by covering your nose and your mouth, honey. Come on, lower your hands for me please." the Lieutenant pleaded and tried herself to gently remove the small and delicate hands that were covering her beautiful features. "Please, let me see your face, sweetie. I need to know you're okay."

Eventually, Amanda lowered her arms and hands, completely mortified that she had, once again, managed to make a fool out of herself. "I'm... I'm sorry." she whimpered, trying to apologize for her somewhat erratical behaviour that she seemed to have little or no control over.

"No, no, honey. Don't apologize for this, ever." she whispered, reached for the washcloth she had used earlier, dipped it into the basin of cool water and tenderly began to dab Amanda's face, neck and chest with it, soothing the fever that was still present but not as high as before. "Think you can go back to sleep for a few more hours?"

"I want to." Amanda admitted weakly. "I just don't... I... every time I close my eyes I... I see... I see..."

"What do you see, honey? You can tell me." Liv encouraged as she continued to press the cloth against warm and clammy skin, waiting for the younger woman to open up.

"Death." Amanda finally responded, her face now blank and empty from emotion, her eyes distant and dark, as if she had temporarily gone back to another place and time, reliving what she had just experienced only hours ago.

Olivia stopped what she was doing, put the cloth away and took a hold of Amanda's cold and shaky hands in a firm grasp. "What happened, sweetheart? What happened last night? Talking about it will help you, I promise you that."

Amanda swallowed thickly and took a shuddering breath, trying to calm and compose herself enough to tell Liv about what had happened the previous night and why she had been, and still was, so upset. She told the Lieutenant about Annie and Sam, how they had taken her under their wing, back when she was new to the street life, how they had helped her survive, how they had fed and taken care of her after her own family, her own flesh and blood, had kicked her to the curb and disowned her. She told her how much they meant to her and that they had eventually become her second family, a better family than her previous one.

She also told Liv about the first time they had ever met. Amanda had been literally starving and, after aimlessly wandering the streets for two whole days without food or water, she sat down on the sidewalk, her back leaning against the wall behind with a blank and drained expression on her face. The hunger pangs were so strong and painful that she had wrapped her arms around her middle and squeezed hard, just trying to eliminate the burning ache in her belly.

It was Annie's birthday that day and Sam had somehow managed to come up with a few bucks to treat his wife for a slice of pizza and a coke in a small pop up pizza stand on the same block where Amanda was sitting. Just as she was about to take her first bite into the succulent slice of baked dough with delicious toppings and melted cheese, she spotted the small blonde young woman and their eyes locked. The pain and hunger that she saw written cross Amanda's face was too much and, along with her husband, they slowly made their way over to her, handing her the pizza slice and the soft drink and watched her devour it in seconds.

"Sounds like they really cared about you. They looked after you." Liv stated, smiling sadly at the emotional story Amanda had just shared with her, feeling her own eyes well up as she saw the bottom lip of the young blonde tremble and how she emotionally broke for the third time in the space of a few hours.

"I'm sor... sorry, I can't... I can't seem to sto... stop." she stuttered between guttural sobs as she tried to hide her face again with shaky hands.

"You don't have to, sweetie, you don't have to." Liv hushed and scooted behind Amanda, acting as a physical and emotional support, while she cooed sweet words of comfort into her ear, placing one hand on a feverish forehead and the other on a starkly heaving chest. "Shhhh, slow breaths, honey. I know it's hard but you can do it. It's okay to cry but I need you to slow your breathing down a bit. It's just too much too fast, you're okay. Everything is gonna be okay." she whispered, speaking softly into ear as she rested her chin on a shuddering shoulder.

"I ca... can't." Amanda wheezed, struggling to feed her starving lungs with a much needed breath of air, her body tense and rigid and she could feel a tingling sensation in her fingertips and her whole hands turned into claw-like shapes and she couldn't move them no matter how hard she tried. "My... my hands." she stated, nervous and scared as she didn't know what was happening.

Liv had seen this before and knew what it wasn't serious but noticeably uncomfortable for the person experiencing it. She scooted even closer to the small woman so her front was pressed up tightly against Amanda's back, removed her hands from their current positions and gently enveloped the cold and stiff digits into a warm and soothing hold, stroking her thumbs up and down the back of them, shushing and murmuring sweet little nothings to the clearly upset and distraught blonde.

"Don't look at them, sweetie, I've got you. It's nothing to worry about, it happens when you're hyperventilating, that's all. Just breath with me, follow my breathing, sweetheart." After minutes of coaxing Amanda down from her highly distraught state, she could eventually feel the small form in her arms relax and her breathing had returned to normal. Peering down over Amanda's shoulder, she was surprised to see that she had fallen asleep, a deep frown still etched her face.

"Shhh, sleep now." Liv whispered ever so softly as she brushed her thumb over the deep worried wrinkle on her clammy forehead and watched it slowly disappear and her facial features turned into nothing but calm and peace. "There you go, sweetie. Just sleep now, I've got you."

The strong Lieutenant rocked her from side to side in her arms before gracefully sliding out from behind her and lowered the sleeping form back onto the mattress, making sure she was covered. She stayed seated at the edge of the bed for a long time, gently caressing the beautiful face bellow her and murmuring reassurances into the silent dark room, soothing the woman even in her sleeping state. Exhausted, Olivia eventually couldn't keep her eyes open and was far too tired to move back into the livingroom and onto the couch. Carefully, she laid down next to the slumbering blonde and fell asleep within seconds.

The annoying sound of her phone ringing, woke her up. Groaning, she fumbled around with her hand, the bright morning light assaulted her sensative eyes so she kept them closed as she tried to locate the ringing and vibrating device on the nightstand. "Benson." she answered, her voice groggy and probably sounded quite unpleasant, maybe even hostile, to whoever was on the other line.

"Whoa, did I just wake you up, Lieutenant?" the teasing voice replied, revealing the identity of the caller.

"Fin, it better be good cause I didn't get much sleep last night." she stated and stiffled a yawn.

"Well, maybe my news will help you sleep better tonight when I tell you that we got the guy. He was in the middle of the act when he was caught. Homeless woman screamed at the top of her lungs before he had a chance to shut her up, a good Samaritan called 911 and dispatch was there less than a minute later."

Olivia blinked the sleep out of her eyes and sat up, quite shocked by the news. "Um, okay. Great, that's great. Get him settled into an interrogation room and I'll be there as soon..." her voice immediately died as she turned her head to her right, only to find the other end of the bed empty. Her heart hammered wildly in her chest as she looked around the room to see if she could spot Amanda anywhere or give her some indication that she was still inside the apartment but the place seemed empty and there were no sounds, no noises coming from the kitchen, the bathroom or the livingroom area. Where the hell was she?

"Um, listen, can I call you back? I'm just... well I... now is not a good time but I promise I'll be there as soon as I can. Why don't you guys start questioning him until I get there?" all her senses were on full alert as she practically shot out of bed and decided to take a quick look around the apartment to see if anything was out of the ordinary. Nothing. "Shit." she murmured into the phone, temporarily forgotten that Fin was on the other line.

"Everything okay Lieu?"

Looking frantically around her, not really knowing what to do next, she spotted a scribbled handwritten note on the kitchen table and almost tripped over her own feet while getting to it.

 _Olivia,_

 _I want to thank you for your kindness and your compassion, it really means a lot to me, more than you will ever know. I also want to apologize for my behaviour last night and early this morning. I usually never get so emotional but I guess the fever just decided to take complete control over my mind. I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly but I've never been good with goodbyes, besides, you've helped me more than I could ever ask for and I don't want to impose or take up anymore of your time._

 _Maybe I'll see you out there._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Amanda._

"Lieu, you still there?" Fin's concerned voice reminded her that she had left him hanging on the phone in silence.

"Um, yeah... yeah, I'm here. Listen, start the interrogation and I'll be there." she had already started to strip out of her clothes, ready to take a shower and get dressed but everything took longer than usual due to her distracted mind, wondering where Amanda could've gone. No matter how much she wished she could just ignore work and spend the day looking for the blonde, who had gone MIA, she couldn't. She was the boss, the Lieutenant and commanding officer and work had to come first, no matter how wrong it seemed at the time.

After hours of interrogation the perp still claimed that he was only trying to help the woman back onto her feet after seeing her fall but the victim accused him of attempted rape in the first degree. She was credible and was definitely able to stand trial but, hopefully, things didn't have to go that far since they had a sample of the perp's DNA in the database and all they had to do was to get a sample from the scruffy and disheveled looking man sitting in front of her ro match and they could nail the bastard.

It only took about twenty minutes before they got the DNA results back but, to Olivia, it felt like an eternity. Her mind was elsewhere and couldn't focus on the task at hand and her thoughts were racing out of control until she eventually had to take a deep breath, shake her head to clear it and go back to the waiting paperwork lying on her desk. When the results finaly arrived, a smirk spread across her lips as she saw the word MATCH written on the crispy white piece of paper in her hands.

"Got'ya."


	7. Chapter 7

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 7

"You usually smile when we bust a perp, Lieu. Everything okay?" Fin stood in the doorway to her office, leaning against the frame of it with raised eyebrows and a questioning look, a bit concerned for his boss.

"Amanda stayed with me last night." she blurted out before she could stop herself, not really caring what Fin would think about the matter anyway. "When I woke up this morning she was gone."

The two raised brows turned into a frown and the detective came closer and sat down opposite to his boss. "Amanda? As in Amanda Rollins, the homeless rape vic? How did that happen?"

Olivia ran her fingers through her slightly disheveled hair, sighing in frustration as she leaned back in her leather seat. "I was walking home last night, took a shortcut through an alley and she was there. I walked up to her and I could see that she was upset, I mean, she was crying, so I asked if she was okay. Then she suddenly threw herself at me and cried her eyes out, really upset about something, plus she had a high fever, I just couldn't leave her like that so I took her to my place, she had a really rough night and, when you rang me this morning, I realized that she was gone. I... I just don't know what to do now." she decided not to tell Fin about the note that she had left on the kitchen table, thinking it was a bit too private to share.

"What was she so upset over?" Fin wanted to know.

"A close friend of hers had just passed away and... I suppose it just got too much for her. I'm just worried about her physical and mental state. I mean, her fever had gone down some early this morning but if she's out in this cold and don't get proper rest or food she's gonna get even more sick."

"Liv," Fin began, his voice turned into a caring and almost loving tone as he spoke to his long time friend and colleague. "You can't save everyone. You have to look after yourself for a change. She was upset, had a fever and probably let her guard and walls down for a while because of it. I guess she's just scared and confused right now. I mean, asking for comfort is obviously not her thing and she's embarrassed for having to face you and I think that that's why she ran."

Smiling weakly, Liv leaned forward, rested her elbows on her desk top and clasped her hands together. "When did you become so wise and full of knowledge?" she chuckled. "I figured that that was the reason but that doesn't make me worry any less."

There was a brief pause, Fin chewed on his lower lip in deep concentration and Liv seemed to be miles away, cooking up every possible awful scenario of what had happened to Amanda. "Have you ever felt this strongly about a vic before?" he finally asked and Liv was brought out of her temporary bubble of dread as she thought about Fin's question, carefully pondering it.

"I... I mean, I care about all survivors that walk through these doors, you know that." she reasoned and ran her hands through tangled brown locks once again.

"I know you do. I'm just saying that, maybe, Amanda is kind of special to you?" he grinned. "I've never seen you like this before, all worried and scared for someone you barely know. But that's not necessarily a bad thing." he quickly added.

"Well, I've never been in this situation before." the brunette argued back, unconsciously trying to justify her feelings towards the missing blonde who had somehow snaked her way into all her senses. "I mean, I've never had a homeless victim with a raging fever roaming the streets. Of course I'm worried for what might happen to her."

Narrowing his eyes Fin observed his boss from across the mahogany desk, studying her in silence for a few seconds before answering. "I guess." he mumbled, not believing Olivia's reasoning behind the real reason. "Want me to make a few calls and see if I can track her down?" he offered before the Lieutenant had a chance to butt in and ask him what he had meant by 'I guess'.

Sighing in defeat, Liv nodded. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Let me know as soon as you know anything."

"Will do." he promised, threw his boss a comforting smile and got right to his task.

It was nearly 3 pm when Fin popped his head into her office again with a sympathetic shine in his eyes and Liv knew that the news were not good. "I called all the shelters, hospitals and free clinics in Manhattan and no one, with the name of Amanda Rollins or matches her description, has seen or heard from her. I'm sorry, Liv, I know how much you want to find her safe and sound."

"Thanks, Fin, I appreciate the help." she sadly stated and placed all the paperwork she had in front of her in a neat and tidy stack. "I think I'm gonna go out there and look for her, see if I have any luck, although it's doubtful."

"Want any help?"

"Two sets of eyes are better than one, I suppose. Come on."

Amanda shivered in the cold afternoon air. There was no improvement in her fever, if anything it had gone up a degree or so, her eyes were tired and glossy, cold sweat covered her body and the clean clothes she had put on that morning didn't feel so clean anymore. The hunger pains she had experienced earlier durning the day had now disappeared as she had grabbed a half eaten sandwich from a plate that a customer had obviously left behind. She couldn't believe her luck when she spotted it and she savored every bite of it until it was fully consumed. Now she was thirsty and dehydrated.

The sun was almost setting, creating a gloomy and dreary blanket that heavily hung over the city and suburbs like a hovering dense weight. She began to think that it was a mistake to have left Olivia's apartment in the first place earlier that morning. If she had stayed, she would've been warm, dry, comfortable, probably well fed and hopefully somewhat fever free but the more she thought about the embarrassing moments of breaking down in front of the brunette, the more she realized that she had made the right decision by leaving. She hadn't slept so good in years and it was something she didn't want, or shouldn't get use to. It was a luxury that she couldn't afford to have so she rather stayed away from things that she knew she could never have. If you have nothing, then nothing can be missed or wanted.

She could feel the fever surging through her veins and her head turned heavy and foggy. All she wanted and needed was to get some rest but finding something that would be somewhat comfortable was nearly impossible. She thought about going back to Annie's and Sam's little hidden sanctuary, knowing that she would be comfortable and get some well needed rest there, but she quickly changed her mind as it would be too hard to go back there so soon.

Only one day had passed since her dear friend had passed and she hadn't a clue when it came to Sam's whereabouts. His final words to her had been difficult to comprehend and they had scared her in a way she didn't understand. There was something eerie and uncanny about the way he had spoken to her, as if he was planning to disappear and never come back again.

"No." she muttered to herself, "he wouldn't do that." then she wondered if she was trying to convince herself of something that was probably not going to happen. A part of her had a dodgy and dreary feeling that Sam was now gone forever but her other half forced her to believe that he would be back, they would see each other again.

She tucked her hands underneath her arms to keep the cold out, Olivia's gloves only holding so much of the bitter winds at bay and she could feel her fingers going numb. Her head was however nice and toasty, the hat seemed to be made out of a thicker material and kept her warm even during the strongerst of gusts. The snow that had fallen had now frozen onto the footpaths and created a layer of ice on the ground that was difficult to see and she threaded carefully as she placed one foot in front of the other.

The cold wind, however, felt good against her heated and clammy face but she knew it wasn't good to be out in this cold with a fever as high as hers. She had to find somewhere to settle for the night before she collapsed and she was now beating herself up for not going to a shelter earlier. She hated those places but at least she would be warm and dry for the night and hopefully her fever would be gone by the next day but it was all too late for that now and she found herself, once again, unconsciously steering towards the alley where she had met Olivia. Maybe a small part of her brain secretly hoped that the stunning brunette would, by chance, take the very same shortcut as before and spot Amanda huddled in her little sheltered corner. Just maybe.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I know you were hoping to find her." Fin comforted and placed a hand on his boss' lower arm, giving it a gentle tug. "I'm sure she's fine. She's knows how to look after herself out there. She has managed to do so for a long time."

"Thanks, Fin." Lis smiled sadly. "You're a good partner and a great friend." she suddenly stopped and turned towards the man. "There's one more place I'd like to try, it's close to my apartment actually. You don't have to come with me, I've taken up too much of your time already, I appreciate all the help, I really do."

"Lead the way, Lieutenant. What kind of partner would I be if I left you now." he smirked and winked, knowing exactly how to make his boss feel a bit better about the whole situation.

The hard snow created a cracking sound as they carefully made their way to where Liv was leading them, both hoping that the blonde would be there safe and sound, Olivia more so than anyone else. They rounded the corner and headed into the dark and dingy alley, Liv picking up the pace without realizing it, eager and anxious to find out if Amanda was there or not, hoping and silently praying that she was.

"Amanda?!" she called out, listening intently for an answer and she got it.

"Olivia?"

It was weak and faint but she recognized Amanda's voice, breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she heard it and jogged the last few yards until she spotted the slumped woman tiredly leaning up against the cold brick wall behind her, her hands still tucked underneath her arms and her hat pulled down as far as it could go over her ears.

Immediately she crouched down in front of her, ripped her own glove off, moved Amanda's hat a bit, giving her room to check for a fever with the palm of her hand. Fin had now caught up with his boss and arrived just in time to see the tender, almost motherly, gesture that Olivia just offered and just looked at the scene playing out in front of him.

As Amanda fully opened her eyes she spotted the dark and tall figure standing behind Olivia and she scurried back in fear, letting out a whimper of terror. "Hey, hey, it's okay." Liv held her hands up in a calming gesture and nodded towards the man. "That's my partner, Fin, we have looked everywhere for you, honey. You're a difficult woman to track down." she winked and pulled Amanda's hat back to cover her ears.

"You... you looked for me? Why?" the blonde wanted to know, startled by Olivia's confession.

"I was so worried after you left this morning. You had a rough night and your fever was still high and still is by the look of it." she ran her knuckles across a heated cheek. "Come on, let's get you inside." she gave Fin a nod, gesturing for him to help her get Amanda onto her feet.

"Inside where?" Amanda mumbled, swaying where she stood, glad that Liv had an arm wrapped around her middle for support and keeping her from falling flat on her face. Fin helped her stand but kept his distance as he spotted the weary look in the young woman's eyes, sensing that she didn't trust him and was very cautious around him.

"My apartment. You can't be outside in this cold when you're sick. I'm taking you home with me, you can barely stand on your feet, sweetheart." the endearment didn't go unnoticed by Fin and it somehow warmed his heart to see his boss caring for this woman that she hardly knew.

"I'm okay. I... I can't stay at your place. I'm not... I don't want to be a... a burden or a..."

"You're not a burden, Amanda." Liv soothingly interrupted and made sure that she had the sick woman in a secure hold so she wouldn't fall. "Think you can walk a couple of blocks for me?" Amanda nodded shakily and fought to keep her eyes open, still swaying unsteadily on her feet. "Maybe not." Liv stated softly and threw Fin a pleading look for help and together they managed to get into a cab, travelled the short distance, got her out and up the stairs into Olivia's warm and welcoming apartment.

"Will you be okay, Liv? Do you want me to stay for awhile?" Fin offered after they had placed the semi conscious woman on the king sized bed, clothes on, even her shoes.

"I think I'll be okay, Fin. Thanks for all your help and I'll see you tomorrow."

"John is back, we can manage without you for a day or two. I'll call you if we get a case." they gave each other a brief hug and Fin left while Olivia prepared for another, presumably, sleepless night.

It took some time but she did manage to help Amanda get undressed, into the shower and changed into another one of Olivia's warm pajamas. After the exhausting task of standing for a longer period of time, Amanda felt her legs shake and buckle underneath her as she tried to take a few steps on her own. However, Olivia was close by and caught her from behind in a strong embrace, making sure she got her bearings back before slowly escorting her into the kitchen and livingroom area and sat her down on the couch. "Let's try to get something into your stomach so you can take some more meds, hmm." she cooed gently as she stroked Amanda's over heated cheek and covered her with a blanket. Too tired to answer, argue or comment, the blonde just closed her eyes and sunk into the fluffy cushions, feeling just how tired she actually was.

She didn't know how long time had passed but a light tapping on her shoulder woke her up from her light slumber and a bowl of steaming vegetable soup and a glass of water with, what she assumed were fever reducers, were placed in front of her on the coffee table. "I can't stay here. I... I have to go." Amanda mumbled, her eyes were barely focusing on anthing, her speech was slurred and her movements sloppy and uncoordinated.

"Whoa, honey! You're in no condition to leave. You need to eat, drink and sleep." the older woman softly demanded while she gently held Amanda down to stop her from causing more harm to herself. "Why do you have to leave, honey? Why can't you stay?"

It took a while for Amanda to register Olivia's question as her head was foggy and heavy, making it difficult to comprehend and focus on the words and their meaning. "It's too much." she finally whimpered, her hazy eyes making contact with Olivia's, only for a second, before she had to tear her gaze away and divert her attention somewhere else.

"What do you mean it's 'too much'? What's 'too much'?"

"Being here." the young blonde whispered, her eyes filling up with involuntary tears but she was too tired and too sick to try and stop them from rolling down her flushed and clammy face. "I... I haven't been inside a... a... a home in so long and I... I can't... I can't get use to it. It's too much, I have to go. Please, let me go." she pleaded and tried once again to stand but her weak and shaky knees wouldn't even support her light weight.

"Sweetie," Liv quickly soothed as she kept Amanda seated by scooting closer to her and began to gently caress here face with cool fingers, hearing her moan at the stark contrast of warm and cold. "That's it, just relax. I want you to listen to me okay? Can you do that?" Amanda had her eyes closed but nodded in agreement. "I'm so glad that I found you. I've been looking for you for hours and I was so worried that something had happened to you, that you were too sick and had fallen asleep outside somewhere in this cold or that you had been mugged, robbed or... or..."

"Attacked and raped... again." Amanda finished for her, eyes still closed.

"We got him, Amanda. We found the man who raped you and all those other women. He's down at the station and he's going away for a long long time."

The room turned silent and tense, almost unbearably so and Amanda took a shaky breath and opened her eyes, locking them with Olivia's concerned ones. "You got him?"

"We got him." Liv repeated with a confident smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"He's locked up?" the brunette nodded but Amanda needed more reassurance. "He can't hurt anyone ever again? He's gone?"

"He's gone, sweetheart, he's gone. He can never hurt you or anyone else again, I promise you that." her own brown eyes filled up with tears from just watching Amanda's face turn into an expression of relief as Olivia delivered the news.


	8. Chapter 8

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 8

Amanda became aware of the pressure in her bladder as she slowly woke up from a deep sleep. She popped her eyes open, surprised to see the bedroom was still surrounded by darkness and was confused as to how much time had passed. Was it still late in the evening, in the middle of the night or early morning? She didn't know. The pressure made her get up and head straight to the toilet, taking in everything around her in the nice decorated apartment. It felt weird to be sitting on a nice and clean toilet, in a warm home with all the mod cons and facilities. She wasn't use to this, not even before she had ended up on the streets. Her whole childhood and all the way up to her late teenage years had been spent in the rough and dodgy areas of the Bronx and she had to make due with the bare necessities and use what she had and what was provided, which was never much. To be sitting in Olivia's fine home was to her a privilege but also scary at the same time.

She took care of business, flushed and washed her hands, taking the opportunity to look at herself in the mirror above the sink and was quite shocked with what she saw. Her hair was a mess, disheveled and dull looking, tangled, dry and wispy from the cold winds and the hostile weather conditions from living outdoors. Her usually clear blue eyes were almost grey and covered with a glacy layer that made her look drawn and older than what her actual age and underneath her tired eyes were dark circles framing then. In other words, she didn't look too appealing.

She splashed some cold water onto her still feverish face and tip toed back into the bedroom as quietly as she could. "You're not leaving again, are you?" Liv asked, smiling gently and propped herself up on one elbow as her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." hesitantly she got back into bed, pulled the covers up to her chin and left a big gap between the two of them, suddenly feeling like a fish out of water and didn't know what to do or say.

"You didn't. My brain is set to work all hours of the day and night so I'm a light sleeper. You okay?" she softly queried and studied the blonde's profile in the dark.

Amanda nodded and began to play with the hem of the duvet cover in a desperate attempt to keep herself busy, to focus on something else than the stunning brunette beside her, aware that she was observing her every move. "I'm okay, it's just..." there was a pause.

"Just what?" Liv quietly questioned when Amanda had suddenly stopped mid sentence.

"Just weird." she whispered. "I feel strange lying here. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you've done, and are currently doing for me, it's just strange to be inside someone's home where it's warm and clean, running water and a bed. I haven't slept in a proper bed since I was seventeen."

Olivia settled back underneath the covers and discretely scooted closer to Amanda, feeling that the younger woman needed some kind of reassurance. "How old are you? If you don't mind me asking."

Amanda chuckled lightly at Olivia's question. "Never ask a lady about her age but, if you have to know, I recently turned 22. You?" the brunette raised her eyebrows in amusement. "Tit for tat, Lieutenant."

"Fair enough. I'm 44 so I've got two whole decades on you. You're a spring chicken." they both laughed light heartedly before Olivia decided to ask the question she had wanted to ask the blonde since the first time they met. "How did you end up on the streets? Where's your family?"

She almost regretted opening her mouth to ask such a loaded question but it was too late now and the silence filled the room, so thick you could easily cut it with a knife. "They're all dead. My mom, dad and my younger sister." her voice was only a whisper that filled the quiet room, making it seem like they were the only ones left in the world.

"I'm so sorry." Liv stated sympathetically and reached a hand out for the younger woman to take in case she needed it, which she did, and it comforted both of the women to have that physical contact and proximity. "How did it happen?" the Lieutenant had to thread carefully, not wanting to invade Amanda's privacy or force her to talk about something she wasn't comfortable or ready to talk about. She had to be patient and listen whenever she was ready to open up about her past.

Amanda took a shuddering breath, thinking about where to start, how to phrase it or if she should tell Olivia at all of what had happened a few years back. She had nothing to lose really so she decide to just let it out in the open. "Um, do you remember reading about a fire in an apartment building in the Bronx about four years ago? It was a big fire that took almost twenty hours to distinguish? It was the front page of every news paper."

The brunette frowned in the dark, pursing her lips as she tried to go back in time and fish something out of her memory that happened four years ago. "I think so. Many people were injured but luckily there were only a few casualties, if I remember right."

"Yeah, three casualties, my parents and my sister."

Liv closed her eyes briefly and swallowed at the empathetic lump that was inevitability forming in her throat. "Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I... I had no idea that..."

"Why would you? It was a big story that lasted for a few days but then it was all over and forgotten about. People moved on and... and so did I." she shrugged with a sheepish smile, avoiding any eye contact and acted as though it wasn't a big thing. "There's no love lost there, anyway." she muttered while her hands were still occupying themselves with the crispy clean sheets.

Olivia frowned at that statement. "Honey, they were your family, I'm sure that they lov..."

"Can we not talk about this now, please? I... I'm tired and the more rest I get, the sooner I'll feel better and then I'll be out of your hair." she turned to her side, her back facing the brunette in the dark, her body tense and slowly going into fight or flight mode, hoping Olivia would drop it so they could both go to sleep. However, Amanda didn't know Olivia very well.

"I'm sorry." she softly stated. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories or upset you. You don't have to talk about things you're not ready for, just know that I'm here if you do. I'll listen and I won't judge." a short silent pause floated through the room before Liv spoke again. "And by the way, I kind of like having you in my hair."

Amanda chuckled slightly at the comment. "Be careful what you wish for, Lieutenant. I might just stay here forever." she joked, hearing the brunette giggle in response.

"That can be arranged." Olivia replied, watching the reaction of the younger woman lying next to her. "You can stay as long as you want. My home is your home, if you'd like to stay, that is?"

Amanda stopped breathing for a few seconds, thinking that she must've heard wrong or imagined Olivia saying those words, inviting her into her home for an indefinite length of time, intruding on her space and privacy for, god knows, how long. "I... I didn't mean... I just... it was a joke. I didn't really mean it." she turned around again, facing Olivia, barely making out her face in the dark. "Why are you so nice to me? Why would you offer a stranger to stay in your home? I could steal everything you have."

Shrugging, Liv got more comfortable underneath the covers and also took the opportunity to scoot slightly closer to the young woman, wanting to reassure and offer support. "Well, if that was true, you would have done so already, don't you think? Besides, I feel like I can trust you. There's something about you, Miss Rollins, that intrigues me but I can't put my finger on what it is." she narrowed her eyes, not that Amanda could see it, but she studied the woman before her intensely, taking in the beauty, the mesmerizing and strinking features that she found extremely attractive and drawn to.

Without realizing what she was doing, her hand had found a life of it's own and her fingers were gently stroking a fevered cheek, brushing blonde hair away from her heated forehead. "You're beautiful, you know that? You're beautiful, brave and courageous and don't let anyone tell you different."

Amanda was too shocked to move, even breath, as Olivia's hand and fingers worked their soothing magic against her face and scalp, the strange feeling of being cared for came crashing over her like a tidal wave and her heart almost stopped beating from the sincerity of Olivia's words. No one had ever paid so much attention to her before. No one had ever spoken to her in that way, telling her that she was brave and courageous, not to mention beautiful. Her whole childhood and teenage years had been spent in solitude, closed of from everyone she knew and put as much distance between herself, her parents and her sister as she possibly could, whenever she could. Why was Olivia being so nice? Why was she saying those things? What did she want in return? Nothing was ever for free, not even a compliment.

"What do you want from me?" she whispered when she could finally feel her body return to normal and her heart had slowed down to a much more appropriate rhythm.

Even though it was dark in the room, Olivia could still see the uncertainty and apprehension in the blue eyes and her voice was slightly shaky with a hint of fear and wonder. It saddened her that Amanda thought she had to do something in return just for saying something nice to her, something that was obvious and true. It became clear that no one had ever cared enough for the blonde to give and offer her nice and pleasant things in life, even something simple as words or a small gesture. Probably not even her parents.

"I don't want or need anything in return, honey. Don't ever think that you have to repay me, I would never take advantage of you, or anyone else for that matter, I just want to help if I can." she explained, her fingers still running through tangled fair strands of hair, amazed at how soft her skin was to the touch. "You okay?" she asked since the blonde hadn't said a word in a long time, afraid that she had maybe said too much and scared her off. "I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have..."

"Thank you." Amanda suddenly whispered, her soft and sincere tone filling Olivia's ears, leaving a pleasant ring inside the room that slowly faded and ended in a comfortable silence.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Liv smiled tenderly. "You're very welcome."

The faint tick tock of the clock inside the kitchen could be heard, as well as their breaths, now mingling together in the five inch gap between them, their bodies just as close. There was nothing left to be said at the moment. No words were needed and no words were necessary as the silence hung comfortably in the air above them, the dark room and the soothing touches of Olivia was beginning to take affect on Amanda and her eyes fluttered close only to fully open them again as if she was afraid that the brunette would leave once she couldn't see her.

"It's okay," Liv cooed gently, smoothing down a worried frown on Amanda's forehead, lulling her to sleep. "Can I hold you?"

It was a simple question that required a simple yes or no answer but Amanda didn't trust her own voice in that very moment, afraid that it would reveal all her jumbled emotions if she opened her mouth so, instead, she nodded and hesitantly scooted closer.

Olivia had her arms open in a welcoming embrace and she lovingly guided Amanda's head onto her shoulder, securing it with one hand while the other rubbed lazy and soothing circles on her back. "Go to sleep, sweetie. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise." she realized then that Amanda had already fallen asleep.

The morning rolled in, casting it's bright light upon the two figures huddled underneath the covers, Amanda still resting peacefully inside the warm cocoon of Olivia's safe arms. Liv cracked her eyes open and peered down at the sleepy and relaxes face of Amanda and carefully ran her fingers over her cheek and forehead, checking for a temperature. She still felt warm to the touch but not nearly as hot as before which was a great relief. It felt so nice, so wonderful and so normal to hold Amanda so tenderly against her, pressed so perfectly into her side as if she was meant to be there, molded together as one.

Olivia wanted the moment to last for as long as it possibly could but the pressure in her bladder was screaming for relief and she eventually had to untangle herself from their intertwined limbs, careful not to wake the sleeping woman, and head into the bathroom to take care of business. When she once again entered the bedroom, a few minutes later, Amanda had woken up and was now sitting up, resting her back against the wall behind with a head full of toussled and messy fair locks falling into her face.

"Well, good morning, sleeping beauty." Liv grinned, approached the bed and sat down on the edge, close enough so she could touch the blonde by running her fingers through the tangled mess. "Your hairdo could become fashionable." she chuckled and gazed tenderly into the sleepy blue eyes. "Did you sleep okay, honey? How are you feeling?"

Smiling tiredly, Amanda yawned and stretched while unconsciously leaning into the Lieutenant's gentle touch. "I can't remember the last time I slept so well. Your bed is very comfortable and my human pillow wasn't too bad either." she said, blushing when she realized that she must've used Olivia as a cushion for most of the night. "Sorry about that." she mumbled.

"Don't worry about it. I hardly noticed you were there." she winked and stood. "Breakfast?"

The smell of scrambled eggs and bacon filled Amanda's nostrils as she entered the kitchen ten minutes later after taking a relaxing shower and gotten dressed into a pair of black leggings and a sweatshirt that Liv had placed on the bed for her. "Hey, you look good in my clothes. They're a bit big but, until I fatten you up a bit, they'll have to do."

Amanda hesitantly sat down on a kitchen chair, feeling like a fish out of water once again as Liv handed her a plate of steaming eggs and crispy bacon. "You kind of sound like the witch in Hansel and Gretel who captures children, force feed them so they grow nicely big and fat before she makes a stew out of them. Is that what you're trying to do? Cause I can promise you now that I won't make a good meal."

The Lieutenant took a seat on the opposite side of the table, dug into her breakfast with gusto and thought for a while before commenting on Amanda's fairytale example. "I don't think it was a stew she made. Too messy! I think she just roasted them in the oven, probably with a honey glaze and a big red apple inside their mouths. Less effort that way." she said while keeping her tone completely serious, as if she was contemplating on doing the exact same thing herself.

"Jesus!" Amanda gasped. "Seems like you've given this a lot of thought. I'll just have a glass of water then." she snickered.

The older woman chuckled then turned somewhat serious again. "In all seriousness, you could do with a few extra pounds, especially now in the winter, it'll act as insulation and you won't be as cold. I'm nice and toasty."

"You do have a lovely figure." Amanda stated, her mouth now full of eggs, savouring the taste to the fullest and then realized what she had just said. She lifted her gaze towards Olivia and met dark brown orbs, observing her with amusement. "I... I only meant that, you know... you have a healthy and strong appearance and that... that... it's... you're..."

"Relax, Amanda. I know what you meant and thank you for saying that. I do try to keep in shape."

A comfortable silence hung in the air as they finished their breakfast. Amanda had eaten a small enough portion but felt her stomach fill up rather quickly since she was so use to not eating heavy meals, if she had the opportunity to eat at all, and she placed her hands over her abdomen, sighing in discomfort. "Too much?" Liv questioned softly, her eyes studying the small blonde before her with a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, I should probably start with smaller portions but it just looked and smelled so nice I couldn't resist." her eyes went wide. "Oh my god! You do plan on fattening me up and roast me in the oven. I should've known."

Smiling tenderly, Liv approached the stuffed younger woman and reached a hand out for her to take. "Come on, why don't you lie down on the couch for a while, let the eggs digest."

She spread a blanket over Amanda, turned the tv on, then checked her temperature with the back of her hand against a smooth forehead. "Wait here, I'm gonna get the thermometer." Amanda wanted to protest but the brunette was already halfway to the bathroom to retrieve the item and she didn't have the energy to argue.

Amanda's temperature was nearly back to normal but the fever and the street life had taken it's toll on her lean body and she fell asleep almost instantly. Olivia stayed close by, cleaning up the breakfast, took a quick shower, checken in with Fin to see how they were all doing and then sat down with her laptop to finish up some very much neglected paperwork. She decided to let Amanda sleep for as long as possible, thinking that she probably needed all the rest she could get after feeling so poorly during the past couple of days. She typed away on the keyboard, her fingers flying over the keys, glasses perched on the tip of her nose while occasionally throwing glances upon the sleeping figure, making sure she was okay.

It was not until two hours later that Amanda started to stir in her sleep and mumbled incoherently, her head tossing from side to side, sweat beginning to bloom on her forehead and upper lip. Then, as sudden as it had started, it ended with Amanda bolting upright into a sitting position, hands held out as if she was trying to defend herself from an invisible attacker and her eyes were wide, full of fear and panic.

Olivia didn't want to make any sudden movements in case she would scare her even further so she slowly walked up to the panting blonde and kneeled down on the floor next to her. "You're okay, honey. It was just a bad dream, you're safe here."

Amanda turned her head towards Olivia, looked her straight in the eye with a teary but determined gaze, her voice firm and full of strength. "I want to see the man who did this to me. I want to look him in the eye and ask him why."


	9. Chapter 9

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 9

 **Thank you everyone who's still sticking by me and this story. Your kind reviews make my day. I have recieved a few comments from some readers telling me that the age gap between Olivia and Amanda makes them uncomfortable. I'm sorry that you feel that way but I wanted to try and write a fic where the age difference is quite severe, just to play around with it and see where it goes. If you don't like it, then don't read it. Be kind to each other. XXX**

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Olivia quickly walked around Amanda, trying to get her attention as they walked out of the elevator in the 16th precinct. Only a couple of hours had passed since she so abruptly had woken up from her nightmare but she was still as determined than ever to go through with this 'meeting.' Liv had arranged so that the perp had been brought to one of the interrogation rooms where he was now seated and handcuffed to the table for Amanda's safety.

The blonde slowed her pace and could easily see the worry behind Olivia's usually confident and strong eyes. A part of her didn't want to do this, in fact, a big part of her was telling her to run as far away from this man as she possibly could get but the smaller part of her wanted and needed to see who he was, what he looked like and why he did what he did to her and all those other women that he had hurt. She had to face him, thinking, hoping, that she would get some kind of closure that way and that she could finally begin to heal.

"I'm sure. I have to do it." she explained, stopping dead in her tracks and faced the Lieutenant. "I have to." she repeated, her voice breaking slightly.

"You don't have to do anything, Amanda." a warm hand was placed on the blonde's upper arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "No one is forcing you to do this and it's okay if you want to change your mind. No one is gonna think any less of you for backing out, I promise."

The young blonde shook her head, her eyes filling with tears but she somehow managed to keep them at bay, not wanting to cry in front of all the other detectives. "No, you don't understand. I need to do this. I'm ready." she stated as she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her heart thumping wildly in her chest, almost painfully but she pushed the uncomfortable and awful feelings aside and nodded towards Fin, indicating that it was okay for him to open the door to the interrogation room. Liv stepped aside, letting Amanda pass her out but followed her inside, wanting to be close by in case the perp would try anything.

Amanda entered the bare and gloomy lit room, her eyes adjusting quickly to the dim light and her nose instantly picked up the smell of cheap aftershave and stale cigarettes that seemed to emerge from the man sitting handcuffed to the table in front of her, head hanging low and is whole posture slumped and hunched.

After hearing the door open and two sets of footsteps approaching, he slowly lifted his head and looked Amanda straight in the eyes, a sly and sinister grin crept upon his dry chapped lips and a set of yellow and crooked teeth glared at her and she gasped in surprise, taking a step back and turned completely ghostly pale. What came out of her mouth, a second later, caused goosebumps to appear on Olivia's arms and the hair on her neck to stand up, shocked by what she was hearing.

"Daddy!"

The man closed his eyes briefly, the grin still plastered on his lips as he stretched his neck to one side creating a loud pop and he shuddered with pleasure as precious memories flooded back to him as he studied his daughter, standing only a few feet away. "Oh, Mandy! How I've waited for this moment, my dear girl." his eyes travelled over her whole body, stopping briefly by her breasts and the juncture between her thighs, licking his lips as his manhood began to pulsate. "Look at you, all grown up but still as sweet as a peach."

Olivia was threw confused and shocked glances between the two, now worried that Amanda might pass out or lose it completely as her whole demeanor, posture and facial expression had changed drastically. Slowly she came up to the blonde's side and lightly touched her lower back, her hand skimming the surface of her coat that she had borrowed from Olivia that morning. "I... I thought you said that your father was dead?"

Amanda's eyes were still glued to her dad's green ones, feeling her whole being turn cold and rigid from fear, dread and horror, the past washing over her like a giant flash flood that couldn't be stopped no matter how hard she tried. "So did I." she stuttered in complete shock, her gut twisted uncomfortably and she was afraid she would throw up right there and then.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, Mandy girl. What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me? Why don't you come over here and give daddy a big kiss." Richard snickered while tugging at his restraints, causing a loud noise of clattering metal to echo inside the almost empty room.

Amanda didn't move, couldn't move. It was as if her fear had caused her to freeze to the ground and she was totally defenseless and vulnerable to any threat, physical or non physical. "Ho... how did you..."

Her father chuckled, a low and sinister giggle that came gurgling up from deep within his core that caused both women to shiver. "You mean, how did I survive? Well, I nearly didn't. I got out in the nick of time, spent a long time looking for you."

"Why?" Amanda wanted to know, not understanding why her supposedly dead father would spend years searching for her when they never had a father/daughter relationship in the first place but, instead, hated each other's guts, Amanda more so than Richard.

Olivia was standing close by Amanda's side, feeling the need to be near her just in case something would happen. She couldn't believe what she was seeing or hearing. The father Amanda thought was dead for the past few years was now sitting in front of her, just a few feet away, unhurt and very much alive. Even though Olivia wasn't physically touching the blonde she could still feel, still sense, the rigid and tense body next to her, smelling the fear and anxiety oozing from Amanda's pores as her father spoke.

"Why?" he snarled, again fighting against the metal restrains around his wrists. "You caused that fire, you filthy whore. You always hated my guts even though I did everything to make you love me. I treated you like a woman, I bought you gifts, I gave you all my attention, I did things to your body that I've never done to anyone else. I looked for you for so long, wishing you were pressed up against me, your skin on mine, my lips on your..."

"Is that why you raped all those other women? Because they reminded you of me?" a wave of nausea swept over her suddenly but she managed to swallow at the rapidly growing lump in her throat.

"They weren't as sweet as you, my angel." he threw her a sly lopsided grin, again showing off his stained and crooked teeth. "But when I squinted my eyes, just a little bit, they kind of looked like you. The blonde hair, the silky soft skin and the tight pussy. Remember that time when I..."

"ENOUGH!" Liv shouted, deep from her lungs and stepped into the space between the two, blocking Richard from laying his eyes on Amanda. "Shut your mouth. If you so much as..."

"Liv, it's okay." Amanda placed a gentle hand on the brunettes shoulder and softly pushed her to the side so she was once again eye to eye with her so called father. "What did you mean when you said that I caused the fire? I wasn't even there, how could I've possibly caused it?"

Richard continued with his sinister and twisted grin that now seemed to be plastered on his face, deep lines on his forehead and around his eyes, exactly how Amanda remembered him. "Don't you think that's very convenient? You heading off to a friend's house that night the fire broke out. You must've done something to start it."

The blonde let out a short laugh and shook her head, somewhat amused by her father's words. "That's your logic? I wasn't in the apartment that night so it had to be me? If I was to set fire to the whole apartment building, just to get rid of you and the sick bitch I had for a mother, don't you think I would've taken Kim out of there before hand? And all those innocent people inside the building! I would never put other people's life in jeopardy just to save myself. It should've been Kim that survived, not you." she screamed, tears now starting to roll down her pale cheeks and Olivia watched as her body began to tremble slightly underneath the big heavy coat that hung loosely around her shoulders.

"You always liked her more than me. What I don't understand is all the mixed signals you gave me, Mandy." the way he spoke her nickname caused her to shiver and once again feel as though she was going to throw up. She hated that name. Hated it so much and he knew it but always kept tormenting her by using it. "You avoided me for days when all of a sudden you would willingly spread your legs for me, beg me to fuck you, ask me to..."

"I did that to protect Kim from your sick and perverted ways. She was too young, too fragile and vulnerable to have something like that happen to her. She would never be able to get over something like that, never be able to..."

"Always such a good girl, Mandy. Always thinking of others. Daddy's girl, that's what you are, a real daddy's girl." he grinned, pleased with himself by knowing that he was emotionally and psychologically getting to her.

"You're going to prison for a very very long time." Amanda calmly stated, her tears had temporarily ceased and the trembling was not as bad as it had been only a moment ago. "Do you know what happens to child molesters in prison?" she didn't wait for a reply. "They get a taste of their own medicine. Inmates will be so far up your ass that you won't be able to take a shit properly ever again. You will cry yourself to sleep every night, afraid of what's gonna happen to you, constantly looking over your shoulder in case someone would pounce from behind, you'll never be safe in prison because child molesters are considered the lowest on the rank on the inside and you will never..."

"SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, YOU FUCKING CUNT!" Richard suddenly roared and stood up, his movement so forceful and sudden that, the chair he was sitting on, flew backwards a couple of feet, landing on the concrete floor with a loud bang.

Amanda took a quick step back in fear but managed to keep a calm and stoic expression, not wanting to let on that she was indeed scared and down right petrified. "Good buy, _daddy_! I hope you die a slow and painful death behind thick metal bars." with those final words she calmly walked out of the room as her father still shouted profanities in her wake, his voice getting more faint the further away from him she got.

Olivia watched her go, rooted to the floor, not knowing what to do next or what to say. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she tried to comprehend and process everything that had happened in such a short amount of time, her thoughts running rampant as her brain absorbed the horrible and painful news of Amanda's past. She let out a shuddering breath and felt a large hand on her shoulder, bringing her back to the present.

"Give her a few minutes before you go after her. She probably just needs some fresh air." Fin comforted, giving her shoulder a gentle andr reassuring squeeze. "You okay, wanna talk?"

The stoic Lieutenant swallowed at the lump in her throat and licked her suddenly dry lips. "I... I'm okay, thanks Fin. I'm... I'm just gonna head to the bathroom before I talk to her." she mumbled, feeling her emotions bubble up feom inside and didn't want her detective's to see her break down and cry. Quickly she scurried into the precinct bathroom, locked the door behind her so no one could walk in, took a few shaky steps towards the mirror above the sink and held the white porcelain tightly, until her knuckles turned white, and then began to cry.

Her quiet sobs and sniffles echoed throughout the small room, her cries strangled by fear of someone hearing them, her body shook from the effort of desperately holding the sobs of anguish, empathy and compassion at bay. She couldn't believe, couldn't even imagine what Amanda must've gone through at such a young age. She was still young but Olivia could tell that she was more mature, grown up and wiser beyond her years that any other twenty-two year old she had ever met.

She then remembered their conversation they had in bed when Amanda had mentioned that her parents were dead and that there was no love lost there. Now she understood why she had said that and also got a small glimpse into how her hatred for her parents had evolved and formed. All Amanda wanted to do back then was to protect her little sister from their father's lustfilled clutches and sinister ways of, so called, parenting.

She dried her tears, took a deep breath amd splashed some cold water onto her face before focusing on finding Amanda who was probably waiting outside by the car for Olivia to show up so they could go back to her apartment but as she stepped outside, into the cold and crisp air, there was no sign of Amanda.

"Damn." Liv muttered and quickly began to search the area around the car but when she came up empty handed, she expanded her search and walked around two full blocks, calling her name and looked down every single alleyway she could possibly find but there was still not one trace of the young blonde. She was gone.

Her brain tried to tell her all kinds of logical explanations, like; she probably just took a walk, maybe decided to walk back to the apartment instead of being confined in a car for twenty minutes in heavy traffic, or maybe she needed some time for herself to process things in her own way, on her own time and on her own terms. She was torn between giving the blonde some space and time for herself to figure things out or if she should widen her search even further and go look for her like she had done that time with Fin. However, she decided against the second option, not wanting to intrude or force herself onto the younger woman if some alone time was what she needed.

She was conflicted but forced herself to go back into the precinct, informed the guys that she was going back home in case Amanda would show up, hopefully she would.

The freezing bitter wind had calmed and it was no longer as cold as it had been the previous days. The snow that had fallen was slowly melting away, creating a slushing sound underneath her feet as she walked, no doubt that it would be replaced by new fresh snow in a couple of days. She felt guilty for leaving like that, leaving Olivia so suddenly and had her worried and probably furious at her for just disappearing like she did. She felt bad and wanted to apologize to her but the shame and guilt kept her from doing so.

Seeing her father, the man that hurt her and her sister years ago, brought up bad memories, feelings and an overwhelming sensation of panic and anxiety wildly thumping inside her chest. He was dead, or that's what she had believed for the past four years, but now, knowing that he was alive, turned her whole world upside down. She wasn't afraid of him, knowing that he now was, and would be, locked up behind bars for a long time to come, but the gnawing and uneasy feeling she had deep in her gut of simply knowing that he was alive, wouldn't go away. Kim should be alive, not him.

Her feet were tired and cold, she was hungry and turning very sleepy as the sun eventually began to set in the horizon in the west, now wishing she had never left in the first place and all she wanted right now was a warm and soft bed to lie in. Damn, she missed it already after only spending a couple of nights at Liv's apartment, sleeping in a proper bed, eating proper food that wasn't someone else's left overs or scraps from strangers plates. She had sworn to herself not to get too comfortable, not to get use to the idea of not living on the streets but now, here she was, longing for the things she couldn't have and it made her angry and she blamed herself for it all.

She should never had gone to Olivia's place that first time when she had invited her up. Never should've let herself be tempted to even think about such a thing but in her fever induced state her willpower must've been weakened and dulled and the logic thinking in her brain completely off. She was better off on her own.


	10. Chapter 10

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 10

Pacing back and forth inside her apartment all day was quickly causing her to lose her mind. She was extremely worried about Amanda's emotional state and also about her physical well-being, thinking about her spending another night outside in the cold, hungry and tired. She was beating herself up for not following her out of the precinct earlier in the day and if there was an even slight possibility of turning back time, she would and she would've run after the blonde to stop her from leaving or calling out her name to get her attention, but time couldn't be changed or edited, she knew that.

It was pitch black outside, and had been for hours, the clock ticking closer to midnight and the city was calming down and somewhere out there was Amanda.

Fin and John had rang twice and Carisi once in between, all concerned and keen on how things were progressing but all Olivia could say was that Amanda was still missing and that it didn't look very promising or hopeful that she would return tonight, or any other night for that matter. The strong and eerie sensation in her gut was almost becoming unbearable and no matter how hard she tried to keep her mind on something else, forcing her brain to think of work or miniscule and irrelevant everyday things instead, she couldn't. She simply couldn't focus on anything else except Amanda, where she was, was she okay, would she be back?

It had been over twelve hours since she had stormed off, and Olivia was beginning to think that she would never see her again, when there was a faint knock on the door. Without even checking the peep hole she instantly swung it open and her heart stopped for a second only to resume in double speed. Amanda was standing there, hands deeply shoved into the pockets of the coat that Olivia had given her that morning, rosy red cheeks, blonde toussled tresses falling over her shoulders and her hat pulled down so far Liv could barely see her eyes.

"Amanda!" she breathed in relief, took the young woman by the arm, pulled her inside and closed the door. "Where did you go? Why did you leave? I was so worries about you. Are you okay?" by cupping the blonde's face in her hands she turned her head to look at her and she could see the red rimmed and tired eyes, a clear indicator that she had been crying. She stroked the delicate skin underneath her eyes with the pads of her thumbs, her worried and empathetic gace wandering all over her face, needing to know if she was physically alright. "Are you okay, honey? Are you hurt?"

Amanda didn't trust her voice in that moment, too ashamed and embarrassed for having crawled back to Olivia like a small child that had been scolded but still pathetically wanted and needed to feel loved and cared for, finding no other way but to come back with her head hung low with the tail between her legs. She shook her head, a small whimper escaping here throat and Olivia pulled her into her arms and held her tight against her chest, rubbing her back and soothing her with soft words of comfort.

"It's okay, sweetie, you're gonna be okay. I'm right here with you, I've got you now. I've got you now." she whispered and felt the petite body in her arms tremble. "Shhh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry for what he did to you and your sister. None of you deserved that, no one does and it wasn't your fault, you know that right?"

"Yeah." came the weak and shaky reply, her tears now soaking into the material of Olivia's top, creating a big wet stain on her shoulder. "I know."

Liv held her for a while longer, murmuring soothing nothings into her ear and continued to rub her back in comforting circles as Amanda cried. Eventually, she could feel how the other woman turned heavy and slack in her embrace and knew that she had to get her to sit or lie down. "Come on, honey, why don't you sit down on the couch and I'll make you something to eat. You must be starving. How does a grilled cheese sandwich and a hot chocolate sound? I'll have some too, hmm?"

After they had eaten, Olivia noticed how tired she looked. Her eye lids turned heavy and it seemed like she had to really struggle to keep her head up or even keep herself in an upright position. Deciding on cleaning up their plates and cups in the morning, she guided the half conscious woman into the bedroom, helped her into a warm flannel pajama and tucked her into bed before slipping in under the covers herself, facing the blonde. "Go to sleep, honey. You're safe here and everything is going to be okay, I promise."

Amanda seemed to have fallen asleep already and, to Olivia's surprise, she turned to her side and snuggled in as close as she could get to the older woman, burrowing her face into the crook of her neck and sighed softly. The light and regular puffs of air caressed her skin and she tenderly wrapped an arm around Amanda's middle, letting her fingertips run lazy patterns on a small area of her back where her shirt had exposed a bare patch of her soft skin.

It felt good to hold someone close. So so good and her heart swelled with a mixture of emotions when the sleepy young blonde had scooted right up to her side with a content exhale. It had been a long time since Olivia had cared for someone like she now cared about Amanda. It felt so right to hold her so close in her arms, to run her fingers through her hair or just to be near her felt as if her chest would explode with the vast concoction of feelings and emotions that she couldn't specifically identify or put a name to. She cared so much for the woman she now had enveloped in a secure and warm hug and she found it difficult to let herself fall asleep.

Liv wanted to stay awake so she could relish and enjoy this moment of physical closeness and proximity to the fullest. She was prepared to lie awake all night, or what was let of it, and just listen to the faint snores and noises that escaped Amanda's lips now and then, shushing her every time she thought she heard a whimper or a moan caused by demons in her sleeping state but, with the world still spinning as people went on with their daily life's, Olivia eventually slipped into a deep sleep, happy that Amanda had come back in one piece and that she was now resting peacefully by her side.

Violently, Liv was awakened by a forceful blow to her stomach and she gasped for air as she scrunched up her face in pain, wondering what the hell was happening. Then, she heard a grunting noise coming from her right and she quickly came to realize that it was Amanda who had made the strange and awful sound and caused the strong blow to her gut. Turning, with an uncomfortable ache, she switched on the bedside lamp to see what was going on and spotted Amanda tossing and turning, deeply caught in the midst of a nightmare from hell.

"Amanda! Come on, honey, wake up, it's just a dream." ignoring her own pain, that was already starting to dull, she reached her hand out to place it on one of Amanda's flushed cheeks but didn't get very far before her hand was slapped away by the blonde's flailing arms.

"Get away from me! Don't touch me, please don't touch me, I can't take anymore... please." tears found their way out from behind closed lids and rolled down her temples and then onto the pillow bellow, wetting her hair in the process. "Please, no more... please." she pleaded in such a feeble and vulnerable voice that it brought tears to Olivia's eyes and she had to swallow her own feelings so she could be of any use and help the distraught young woman.

"Shhh, wake up, sweetheart, it's okay, it's only a dream." she soothed and once again reached out to touch her.

Amanda flinched as Olivia's hand came to rest upon her shoulder but she didn't pull away but instead she turned completely rigid and tense, as if her body had suddenly turned to stone. "No dream, he's here... he's here." she choked, lying flat on her back, eyes still tightly shut, arms pressed down against her sides and her hands curled up into fists, her knuckles turning white. "He's here." she repeated in a hushed whisper, almost as if she was afraid to be spotted or heard.

Frowning, Liv propped herself up on one elbow and then realized that Amanda wasn't sleeping but instead she was having some kind of flashback or experiencing a very vivid memory from her past which caused her to act in this way. "Who's he, honey? Is it your father?"

"Yes, he's here. Please, make him go away." she whimpered and her chest heaved with fear and dread. "Make him go away!"

"Honey, he isn't here. He's locked up behind bars and will never hurt you again, I promise." Liv cooed softly. "Open your eyes, sweetie, and see for yourself."

"NO! Please, don't make me. I don't want to see him, just please, make him leave. I don't want him touching me anymore. It hurts, please, it hurts." she cried, refusing to open her eyes to see that there was nobody else inside the room besides the two. She shuddered as Olivia brushed a stray lock of blonde hair away from her clammy forehead, thinking it was her father's touch. "Please, don't hurt me! I'll be good, daddy, I'll be good, I promise, I'll be good."

Liv felt her bottom lip tremble with emotion and how her eyes quickly filled up with tears that streamed down her ow cheeks, distraught herself over what Amanda had gone through as a child. "Amanda, it's Olivia! I'm right here with you, sweetheart and nothing bad is going to happen to you. Your father is not here, he will never be here, he will never hurt you again and he will never come near you again, I can promise you that. You are safe with me, honey, you're safe here with me." she whispered ever so gently, scooting closer to the stiff body next to her. "Open your eyes, my love, just open your eyes."

Amanda shivered underneath the covers, whimpers and sniffles escaped now and then, her breathing still laboured and way too fast for Olivia's liking and, as she softly reassured the young woman that there was nothing to fear and that she was safe, her body began to gradually relax, her breathing seemed more normal and her eyes eventually fluttered open. "Liv!" she softly called out, her eyes adjusting to the dim light inside the room. "Olivia!"

Scooting even closer, the brunette took a chance and placed a hand on a bony shoulder and, this time, the touch was welcomed. "I'm right here, honey, right next to you." since Amanda didn't pull away from her touch, she moved her hand from the shoulder and, instead, ran her fingers through a tangled mess of fair tresses. "See! There's no one here besides us two. It was just a bad dream, sweetheart, just a really bad dream."

The room fell silent for a moment, the only noise present was Amanda's breathing and occasional sniffle, alongside Olivia's soft sushing and nurturing words before the blonde spoke again. "It wasn't a dream. It was a memory." she admitted in a low voice that resembled more of a whisper than just a quiet statement.

Just as Olivia expected; a memory, not a dream. "You think you can tell me about it? It helps to talk about what scares us, trust me on that." they were both lying on their sides, facing each other, Liv still supporting her head by her propped up elbow and gazed tenderly down into the blonde's face. "You can tell me anything, Amanda. I would never judge you or look at you any differently no matter what you decide to share with me. What happened wasn't your fault, sweetie, and I'm not gonna let you blame yourself for it."

The softness in Olivia's voice calmed her senses and the continuous soothing touch of the older woman's hand combing through her tangled hair made her inch slightly closer to the warm body next to her, leaning into the touch. "It... it was the night of the fire. Earlier that evening I... I saw him looking at Kim with that perverted and twisted grin that he always wore on his face and I knew... I knew what he was after. I caught him staring at her as she was getting changed, touching himself as he stood behind the doorway to her room, making faint grunting noises that Kim couldn't hear but, to me, they were crystal clear. He had never looked at her that way before. It was always me."

She closed her eyes as the memory played before her, almost as if it was physically happening again, and she could smell every scent, feel his rough and cold touch, taste his dry and faul lips and see every freckle and every scar on his body. "Kim was only thirteen at the time and I was close to eighteen." she opened her eyes again and stared straight into Liv's dark brown that held nothing but concern, interest and understanding. "I did what I had to do." the last statement was said with a sad but firm tone that told Olivia that what she did was out of desperation to protect her little sister from the claws of a pedophile.

"It still wasn't your fault." Olivia stated, her heart breaking for the younger woman who had become so important to her in such a short period of time. "It wasn't your fault." she firmly repeated, trying to get Amanda to understand that his actions and his decisions were all his doing and his alone.

"You don't understand." Amanda whispered, her voice breaking slightly as fresh tears formed in her eyes. "I led him on, I asked him to do it. I asked him to... to do those things to me."

"To save your little sister from a monster. What you did was so courageous, so brave and so selfless, sweetheart. You did what you had to do to save your sister and if she was here right now, inside this room, she would tell you how grateful and proud she is to have you as a sister." Liv used the pad of her left thumb to capture the salty droplet that escaped their brimming blue confinement and watched as Amanda's face crumbled.

"I miss her." she sobbed. "I miss her so much." her body shuddered from the release of emotions and felt herself lose control. "She... she should be... here. He should... be dead."

Holding onto the trembling petite frame, Liv slid her hand underneath Amanda's blonde head and tenderly brought it towards her, tucking it into the crook of her neck. "I know, baby, I know." the loving endearment slipped out so naturally, she was barely aware that she had said it at all. "Shh sh sh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry you had to go through that." Liv hushed while she cradled the head against her, feeling Amanda's tears soaking her skin. "Where was your mother in all of this? Did she know what was going on?"

It took a while before Amanda could speak, her sobs were erupting in a steady flow into Olivia's tanned soft skin and she was now clutching tightly to the pajama top of the older woman, needing something to hold on to. "She... she knew. She knew from the very start." she cried, gasping for air.

"Hush, sweetie, I've got you now. I've got you." knowing that Amanda's mother was aware of her boyfriend's actions made it all worse. She simply couldn't understand how a mother could be so ignorant, cruel and cold hearted towards her own children and, frankly, a part of her didn't want to understand. "You're safe now, my love, and everything is going to be okay. That's it, just hold onto me, sweetheart, give it all to me, I can take it. You're not alone anymore."

Liv lowered herself and Amanda back down onto the pillows bellow. The blonde still had a fierce grip on the Lieutenant's shirt and refused to let go but Olivia was okay with that, willing to do whatever it took to make her feel better, secure and cared for, and if that involved small hands clutching desperately at her skin and clothes, then that is what she was willing to endure. "How old were you when it first started, honey?"

Olivia's soothing touch was finally calming her down enough to a level where she could speak more coherently and breathe somewhat easier, without having to gasp for a lung full of air. "Kim was only four so I must've been around nine years old. I remember how he suddenly took an interest in me getting ready for bed. He would help me change into my night gown, making me dance and twirl in front of him, telling me how pretty and special I was." she snorted in disgust before continuing. "It was all so innocent, like he wasn't doing anything wrong and I believed him. I was his special little girl and I didn't know any better until..."

"Until what, sweetie? You can tell me." she gently urged, trying to get Amanda to continue, especially now when she had made it this far. "It's okay, honey."

The young blonde shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to go back to that dark place where her consciousness met the vivid and horrid past. "... until one night when my mom was out drinking. He.. he snuck into my room, got under the covers and... and he... he... he put it... inside of me." she broke once again, removing her hands from Olivia's top and covered her face with them, pulling her knees up to her chest and curled into a ball, trying to ease the pain that was rapidly building inside her whole being.

"Oh god, it hurt!" she sobbed, rocking her own body from side to side where she laid. "It hurt so much, Olivia."


	11. Chapter 11

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 11

 **Hi guys! I'm sorry it's taken a bit longer than usual since the last time I updated. My family flew over and stayed for a week, then Christmas happened, like it does every year, and I am dying sick with fever, sore throat, headache, blocked sinuses, aches and pains, plus a fractured lower tibia and I'm hopping on crutches to get from A to B. Other than that, I'm in total perfect health! Thanks for reading!**

Inside the dark apartment, in the early hours of the morning, Olivia held onto Amanda as her body convulsed from the intense sobs, hushing tender words into her ear as she clung to the strong Lieutenant as if her life depended on it. It hurt. Her whole body and being hurt. She hurt in places she shouldn't and she hurt inside, like a burning flame that singed her insides, scalded her heart, melted her soul and sucked all the air from her lungs. It hurt.

The cries soared through the room, through the walls and through the apartment, probably reaching sleeping neighbors ears, startling them awake, wondering what was going on. Amanda couldn't help it and Olivia didn't care about what her neighbors might think, her main priority and concern was for the distraught young woman in her arms that was crying almost hysterically for the small child she once was, the innocence that was so brutally taken from her and for the loss of her baby sister that had lost her life all too soon. She was exhausted, tired to the bone but she still didn't seem to be able to stop the steady flow of tears that streamed down her face, nor the heartbreaking cries that echoed throughout the darkness of the night.

Olivia wished that she had another ten arms to hold onto the trembling form with, to grab her and cradle her with, as the two that she had didn't seem to be enough at this moment in time. "Easy, sweetheart! Shhh, everything is okay." she whispered as a light trail of kisses peppered her forehead and temple, Olivia's fingers gently combed through her golden hair, soothing her in any possible way.

"I don't want to feel his hands on me anymore. Please, Olivia, make him stop, make him stop hurting me." Amanda whimpered into her neck, clinging onto the brunette, molding herself against her body like a second skin. "Please!"

Her plea sounded so desperate and pitiful that it brought tears to Olivia's eyes and she could no longer hold them at bay. They fell from her cheeks and onto Amanda's head, creating a small damp patch on her blonde tresses. "He's not hurting you now, sweetie. This is my touch, my hand touching you, not his. I'm so sorry he hurt you, honey, so so sorry. I will do anything I can to make it stop, okay?" she tried to rock them both from side to side but it was difficult in their lying position, especially when Amanda seemed to be glued onto her front.

"I can smell him, I can feel him, see him, hear him. He's everywhere! MAKE HIM STOP!" she screamed, now frantic with panic and fear by the image of her father that appeared before her eyes every time she closed them.

"Okay, okay, sweetie! We'll make it stop, we'll make it stop." Liv was nearly hysterical too as she hushed soothing words into her ear, running out of ides and reassurances to comfort the upset woman as nothing seemed to work to bring her out of the dark place that she was currently in. "Give me your hand, honey." she softly queried, holding out her own, waiting for Amanda to grasp it and, when she did, she brought the small trembling hand underneath her pajama top and placed it, palm down, onto her stomach, feeling the cold fingers flex against her own skin.

"This is me, my body, my skin and my touch. I'm right here with you, you're in control and I would never hurt you." she covered the small hand with her own, holding it in place as she took a few long deep breaths, the slow and steady raise and fall of her stomach and the soothing noise of Olivia's leveled breathing, calmed her significantly and eventually she had regained control of her erratic intake of air. "That's it, sweetheart, that's it." she cooed, her voice breaking ever so slightly at the heartbreaking scenario. "You're okay."

Amanda did her very best to concentrate on the softness of the Lieutenant's soft, warm and tanned skin underneath her palm and an extremely powerful and overwhelming feeling of peace, security, care and calm covered her senses like a heavy blanket. There was a strange tingling in her whole body as Olivia's scent, her perfume and the smell of her washing powder entered her nostrils and she couldn't find a suited word to mach the feelings she was currently experiencing. She had never been held so intimately before, never been comforted or consoled while growing up and she had never voluntary or willingly been so physically close to another person, craving their proximity, needing their touch and hearing their soothing words. Never before had she felt what she was feeling now and she couldn't even explain it.

It was such a strong pull and urge of needing to be soothed and held lovingly inside the strong arms, that Amanda couldn't get enough of the warmth and tenderness that Olivia was offering and, without thinking twice about it, she scooted impossibly closer and nearly crawled on top of the brunette, fiercely clutching at her top. "Don't let him hurt me anymore, Olivia. Please, make him go away!"

If anyone was listening they would easily be able to hear the desperation and fear behind her terrifying plea but, to Olivia, it sounded almost like a final cry for help, a hopeful prayer or a desperate attempt to ask for assistance and reassurance. Having the blonde almost sprawled out on top of her front, she gently snaked her hands underneath the material of Amanda's pajama top and placed her hands flat down on the blonde's bony but smooth back, feeling the muscles underneath ripple and tremble from fear and anxiety.

"Sweetie, this is me touching your back, my hands on your skin, no one else's, I promise. Shh, feel my fingers trail up and down your spine, my palms caressing your sides and shoulder blades. My touch and my touch only." she cooed into her ear in a faint whisper, kissing a nearby temple at the same time. "I've got you."

The small body covering hers eventually calmed and the tremors that had controlled her were now mostly gone, only the occational shiver from time to time. Olivia never removed her hands from Amanda's back but, instead, she continued the soothing and comforting movements, the gentle action and the loving touch, providing the blonde with as much care and kindness as possible.

As they laid there, two bodies molded together into one, Liv suddenly stiffened slightly as she felt a small hand sneak underneath her top to cup the side of her left breast. She gasped at the contact but didn't pull away as she didn't know if it had been an accident or if Amanda had fallen asleep and was having a dream but, when she realized that the young woman was indeed awake, she gently pulled the hand away. "Amanda!"

To the blonde, Olivia's tone sounded harsh, firm and even disgusted and she immediately pushed herself up into a sitting position, shocked and stunned by her own uncharacteristic behaviour and found herself in a situation she had never been in before. Usually it was the other way around, people trying to have their wicked way with her and she would be the one pulling away from their vile and rough clutches, trying to escape. However, this time the roles were reversed and she felt as if she was the violator, the perpetrator and the abuser, almost like a predator and she felt absolutely disgusted and awful about what she had just done.

Quickly she scurried to her feet, startling Olivia with her sudden movements, and began to frantically search for her clothes in the gloomy lit room. "I'm so sorry! I... I don't know what I was thinking or why... why I... why I did that." she spun around on the wooden floor, fingers tangled in a mess of blonde hair and her eyes were darting back and forth in a desperate attempt to find her clothing. "I have to go, I have to go, I..."

"Hey, Amanda!"

The younger woman stopped dead in her tracks and got a slight suprise when she saw Olivia standing beside her, her brown eyes filled with concern, not disgust or hate as Amanda had thought for sure that the brown haired Lieutenant was feeling towards her, especially after what she had just done. She had been so hyped up about finding her clothes, so she could get dressed and escape the embarrassing and horrid situation all together, that she didn't hear or see Olivia get out of bed and make her way towards her.

"Where do you think you're going? Come back here, it's okay." Liv insisted, holding her hands up in front of her in a non threatening manner and took a couple of tentative steps in the direction of the blonde. "You don't have to leave, Amanda. It's okay, just calm down."

"Calm down!?" the other woman almost shouted. "Calm down!? I... I violated you, I... I forced myself on you and you're trying to convince me to stay. I'm no better than my father." she spat, wrapped her arms around her middle and hung her head in defeat and shame.

Those words caused Olivia's heart to ache and her eyes fill with tears. With one hand she cupped Amanda's chin, brought her head up and met a teary gaze with her own. "You are nothing like your father, do you hear me? Nothing." the chin she was gently holding began to tremble, blue eyes released their salty water and big drops silently rolled down Amanda's already wet and flushed cheeks while she used the other hand to wipe them away as they fell but new ones appeared too quickly and she couldn't keep up. "You didn't force yourself on me, Amanda. I want you to get that idea out of your head right now."

"But I... I groped you!" she insisted. "I practically molested you and you're... you're saying that that's okay?"

Olivia now placed her hands on two bony shoulders, resisting the urge to give her a firm shake to hopefully get some sense into her. "Amanda, you didn't grope me and you absolutely did not molest me. Honey, what made you think that you forced yourself on me?"

Her heart was hammering so violently inside her chest that she was afraid it might cause her to have a heart attack. "You... you were being so nice to me, comforting me, soothing me and I... I took advantage of the situation and I will never forgive myself for that."

"There's nothing to forgive, honey." Liv whispered into the dark room, gently holding onto Amanda, stopping her from tearing herself away from her embrace and running for the hills. "You didn't take advantage of me or the situation. I... I actually liked it. I mean, I am very attracted to you but I guess I was afraid to let you know. I... I didn't know of you felt the same way."

Amanda stood there, mouth hanging open, eyes wide and her vocal abilities seemed to have temporarily flown out the window as she found it impossible to even utter a word, not to mention a whole sentense.

"Now would be a good time to say something. Anything." Liv stated after a minute of silence and she started to regret what she had just confessed. Had she just made a fool out of herself? Did Amanda actually have similar feelings or had she completely read the signs all wrong? If that was the case, then why had the blonde touched her breast in such an intimate way? "Amanda, say something! I'm sorry I said anything. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or put you on the spot. I... I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have said..."

"No!" the sharp interruption cut Olivia off and she now had the brunette's full attention. "I... I do feel something for you, I just... I thought that... I mean, I didn't think that you... that you..."

"That I what?" Liv gently pressed.

"That you wanted to be with someone like me, someone who doesn't even own a spare set of clothes, someone who doesn't have a job or a place to stay, someone who has nothing to offer you or repay you for your kindness and care. I can't give you anything, Olivia, because I have nothing to give." she stated matter of factly.

"You're wrong." Olivia softly replied and brushed a lock of golden hair behind a perfect ear. "You have so much to give, so much to offer and so much strength and confidence inside of you that it scares me. Look at what you have overcome, at what you've been through and what you're going through and I'm astonished that you're still standing. You are strong, resilient, fierce and compassionate, honey, and I'm so proud of you for fighting so hard."

The warmth from Olivia's body, so close to hers, penetrated her clothes and skin, swirling around her like a warm summer's breeze and she immediately felt a sense of calm drape across her whole being. "I... I guess I don't see what you see." she whispered faintly.

"You will." Liv softly added and a faint smile crept up on her lips. "One day you will."

If that was true or not, Amanda couldn't tell but she did appreciate Olivia for saying so. "I do find you attractive." she mumbled and turned her gaze towards the floor, digging her bare toes into the hardwood and she suddenly turned nervous again. "Very attractive." she added with a growl, mentally kicking herself for saying the last bit out loud.

"Good to know." the taller woman chuckled light heartedly and ran her fingers down the soft skin of Amanda's arm and then gently grasped a small hand, giving it a gentle tug. "I wasn't sure. As you know, there's an undeniable huge age gap between us and I wasn't sure if that would be an issue for you or not? 22 years is quite a big difference in age and I know I've been trying to get you out of my head, thinking you're too young or I'm too old but then I said to myself that it's just a number and it shouldn't matter as long as it's consensual between two mature adults. How do you feel about it?"

Biting her lower lip, deep in thoughts, Amanda shifted from one foot to the other, the chill in the air now getting to her and she shivered slightly, hoping Olivia didn't notice. "I agree." came the short reply. "I mean, we're both adults so, um... age shouldn't matter." she stuttered, weighing nervously on her heels while she tried to avoid eye contact but wasn't having much luck since the brunette was literally burrowing her gaze into hers and was adamant to get Amanda's attention.

"You're cold, come on, let's get back into bed." Liv suggested and guided the slightly trembling woman underneath the covers and then scooted in herself, making sure that the blonde was properly tucked in and warm enough. "Better?" Amanda just nodded, not trusting her voice. "How are you feeling now, after getting all that out in the open?" she chuckled, wanting to lighten the nervous and slightly tense atmosphere around them.

"Good," she whispered, her voice breaking slightly. "and a bit scared, I guess."

She didn't want Olivia to think that she was scared of her, because nothing could be further from the truth, it was the whole situation and all her mixed feelings and emotions that scared her because she had never experienced them before and she didn't really know how to act or what to say. It was all a bit confusing but Olivia seemed to understand without needing Amanda to verbalize her thoughts out loud and that took some pressure off of Amanda since she didn't know how to explain all the different emotions she was currently having anyway.

"That's okay, we'll just take things one step at a time. We can go as slow as you want, you're in control." Olivia said and stroked a soft cheek in front of her.

The moment was almost magical and Amanda found herself lost in the deep brown pools of Olivia's eyes, drawing her in. They were positioned on their sides, facing each other, their eyes locking and their lips mere inches apart as their warm breaths mingled in the air between them and suddenly Amanda's lips were firmly pressed against the older woman's in a hesitant liplock.

Liv had seen it coming and wasn't startled or shocked by the sudden movement. Having Amanda's soft lips pressed against her own felt amazingly wonderful and natural, as if they were meant and made for kissing this precise woman with, nobody else. She could feel Amanda's plump lips tremble slightly during the gentle kiss, as if her nerves were getting the better out of her, hesitant and uncertain. However Olivia took expert control of the kiss, in a gentle but firm way, parting her lips ever so slightly, waiting for Amanda to do the same. When Liv felt the softness of the blonde's tongue, asking for entrance, she willingly accepted and stiffened a moan that was on the verge of escaping, not wanting to scare the young woman off by making erotic or passionate sounds.

Amanda was on cloud nine as soon as she felt Olivia respond and participate in the kiss, stunned by the spongyness and warmth of the Lieutenant's mouth, feeling herself getting hooked in such a short amount of time. When about a minute had passed, they slowly pulled away, each taking a deep shuddering breath, lazy smiles lingering on their now bruised lips, the air in the room so thick that someone could easily cut it with a knife but Olivia quickly spoke up to ease Amanda's obvious fear.

"Thank you."

Amanda looked confused and frowned. "For what?"

"For letting me kiss you." Liv stated, whispering softly.

The blonde frowned once more, feeling her cheeks burn and her lips pulsate. "I believe I was the one who kissed you, so it's me who should be giving thanks."

"Well, I kissed you back so... thank you, for letting me kiss you back."

The frown on Amanda's face remained. "No one ever asked permission before, people usually just take what they want. There's no need to thank me for it."

Liv cupped the side of the blonde's face, her thumb gently stroking the delicate skin underneath her eye. "No one should ever treat you like that. I'm so sorry."

Amanda shrugged her shoulders and smiled a little, not knowing what else to do or where to look. "It's okay."

Their eyes locked in the dark room, searching for something inside the other but not knowing what to look for. Olivia's palm was still resting flush against the flushed and soft cheek of Amanda, her fingers tingling slightly from the electrifying skin on skin contact. "No, it's not. It's not okay, honey."


	12. Chapter 12

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 12

 **Thank you for my getting well wishes in your reviews. I'm on the mend although I've never experienced such a nasty cold. This chapter is quite graphic when it comes to sexual assault, molestation and rape. Do not read if you don't like it.**

 **I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas.**

 **Session 1**

"I was scared, terrified really. I didn't know what was happening, why he would hurt me like that. I was confused and I thought I had to do all the things that he asked me to do even though it felt completely wrong and horrible. He was my dad and he said that this was how daddy's treat their little girl but we had to keep it a secret, nobody could ever know about our little game."

"Game?"

"Yeah, that's what he use to call it, our little game. He said that every daddy played the exact same game with their daughters and that if I loved him, truly loved him, I would do whatever he asked for or whatever he wanted me to do, so I did. At first it was just light touches and caresses, he would brush my hair for me before I went to bed, sometimes he would help me shower, even though I was old enough to wash myself, and on certain days he would pick out the clothes for me to wear and I wasn't allowed to change or cover myself up with a sweater or a cardigan if I wanted to or if I got too cold. I just played along."

"Can you tell me more about the game?"

Amanda briefly closed her eyes, took a shuddering breath and opened them again, focusing her gaze on a tiny mark on the surface of the wooden coffee table separating herself and the therapist. "He would touch me... on my private parts and then... then I would touch him in the same way. He said it made him feel really good and that I was making him very happy by... stroking him... down there. I had to... play with it until slimy white stuff came out and I didn't know what it was but I knew what would usually come after."

A buzzing silence passed through the room before the Dr Eliza Martin prodded with another question. "And what was that? What usually happened after?"

 _Easy for you to ask_ , Amanda thought and threw her an angry glare, _not so easy for me to answer._ She took her time, her mind reluctantly went back to the very first time it had happened, how scared she was, how confusing and ashamed she had been when her body had suddenly turned on her. "He would touch me."

"Where would he touch you, Amanda?"

She clenched her fists and jaws as she thought back on that horrific time, her anger and sadness bubbling towards the surface. "My breasts, my..." she cleared her throat. "between my legs. He would touch me there, rub me up and down until I... until my body began to tingle and shake and I couldn't stop it even though I tried to." her cheeks were now wet from steadily streaming tears. "I didn't know what was happening but I wanted him to stop. It didn't feel right but, in one way, it felt... good."

Suddenly she hunched forward, wrapped her arms around her ankles, pulled her legs up onto the couch and pressed her face against her knees, shaking almost violently. "I hated myself for it, I still do, but I just couldn't stop it, I couldn't stop it, I couldn't stop it, I couldn't..."

"Amanda, I want you to slow down your breathing. Sit up straight, if you can, place your feet firmly on the ground and your hands on your stomach. Can you do that for me?"

She tried to listen to Eliza's somewhat calming voice, tried to slow her oxygen intake and straighten her upper body. It was easier said than done but she somehow managed and, with some time and effort, she did eventually calm herself down enough to continue. "I... I know now what my body experienced but it doesn't make it any easier. How could my body betray me like that? Why did it have to happen? I'm so ashamed." she whimpered, tears rolling down her face in small rivulets.

"Amanda, first of all, your body did not betray you. Experiencing an orgasm, willingly or forced, is like a reflex. It's a normal physiological response and you did nothing wrong. I'm so sorry this happened but, please Amanda, do not be embarrassed or ashamed for what he did to you and, god forbid, do not blame yourself for any of it. I know that, when you are only a child, you want to please your parents, make them happy and you want them to be proud of you and your dad knew this and he took advantage of you and your sister."

"That's what Olivia said." the blonde added in a whisper. Her breathing had somewhat returned to normal, her tears had slowed their steady stream and she had forced herself into a sitting position with her palms flat down on her stomach, feeling it rise and fall, grounding her as her therapist continued.

"You should listen to Olivia, she seems like a very smart woman and I know you are too. Sometimes it's just easier to believe in yourself if someone else believes in you first. I can tell that she cares for you and she wants you to get well and be happy because you deserve it."

 **Session 2**

"Have you ever had a consensual sexual partner before?"

"No." Amanda answered quickly, too afraid and apprehensive to even think about it. She couldn't picture herself in bed, naked, kissing and touching another person in such an intimate way, enjoying the physical closeness, skin on skin and hands roaming over private areas.

"Was there never an opportunity or were you too reluctant, perhaps even afraid, to engage in sexual intercourse?" the young blonde gave her a weary look but didn't say anything. "I'm sorry if I seem too forward or outspoken but it's very important that you open up about this, that we talk about it and discuss it like any other aspect of your life. It's a basic need for every human being and it's completely normal."

"A bit of both." she mumbled, sighing quietly when she saw the look on Eliza's face, telling her to elaborate. "There was never an opportunity. I never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, plus, I don't know if I... if I could go through with it. I'd be afraid that my mind would go back to when I was younger and... and see him, hear him, smell him, feel him. It wouldn't be fair on the other person if I had to stop or if I start to panic or even have a complete freak out."

"So you're afraid of what the other person might think?" Amanda simply nodded, giving Eliza a silent answer. "Do you think that it could happen if you decided to go down that road? You think you would start to panic if you got too physically close to another person?"

Amanda thought for a while, really thinking it through, rolling the question around in her head over and over. "I've been physically close with Olivia." she explained. "Not in a sexual way but just... physically close. I... I can't imagine myself being that close to anyone else but her, just the thought of it is scary." she decided not to tell her therapist about the incident when she had practically groped Olivia's breast when the brunette had offered her comfort and safety in her arms.

"It sounds like you really trust and respect Olivia. Do you have feelings for her, romantic feelings?" Eliza was treading on thin ice by inquiring about her feelings and thoughts towards the Lieutenant, but she could tell that Olivia was, and would continue to be, a very important part in Amanda's life.

"We kissed, the other day." she stated softly, a faint smile tugged at the corner of her lips and her cheeks flushed slightly from just thinking about it, wanting to feel those lips on hers again, and soon.

Eliza smiled at Amanda's innocent confession, glad that the young blonde wasn't completely opposed and disconnected from the romantic and sexual part of herself and that she was actively trying. "What was that like? Were you scared when in happened or did you enjoy it?"

Amanda suddenly felt like a love struck giddy teenager who had a crush on one of her teachers and she blushed deeply, hoping that Eliza wouldn't notice it but, who was she kidding, she was a therapist and her job was to read and analyze people all day long. "I liked it." she shyly confessed. "It was soft, gentle, sweet and warm. She made me feel cared for, like I mattered. She made me feel safe."

"Can you picture yourself being intimate with Olivia? Does that thought scare you or does it feel like that's something that could possibly happen further down the road?"

"It makes me nervous to think about it but it doesn't really scare me. I just don't know how far down the road I will have to travel to get there."

"Are you afraid that Olivia might get impatient? That she might eventually leave if things don't proceed at a certain pace?"

"I don't know, maybe. I... I'd like to think that she wouldn't but I suppose that there's always a possibility of that happening."

"From what you've told me about Olivia and from what I've seen with my very own eyes, when she picks you up from here after she finishes work, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I remember that she was really worried about you when she first rang me and asked if I was available to see you. Even though I don't know Olivia personally, I can still pick up a good vibe and a sense of security and stability. I think that she's a very understanding, warm and patient person who would put other peoples needs before her own."

 **Session 3**

"Where do you see yourself three years from now? Any visions or dreams?"

"It's hard enough to picture myself three days from now." she chuckled softly, feeling more at ease with this woman after spending many hours in her presence, talking about small trivial things to heavily loaded and emotionally charged matters that were so dark and dreary for anyone to experience.

"You must've had a dream or a wish, as a child, of what you'd like to do when you grew up? What did your childhood vision look like? What was your ultimate dream?"

Amanda had many dreams as a child but most of them had been about escaping the rough clutches of her father, to run away or for someone to rescue her. "To get as far away from my father as I possibly could, to protect my baby sister from it all, to be able to go to sleep at night without worrying about being... being... raped." the last word struggled to come out and her voice shook with disgust and anger, the word tasting like poison in her mouth.

"That's the first time you've used the word rape. It's a word that describes a horrific, illegal and criminal act that shouldn't be happening at all but unfortunately it does. What you have to remember is that it's just a word and it doesn't define you. You were a victim of rape but now you are a survivor and you're taking control of your life, you're working through your past by talking about it, expressing yourself in words, actions and feelings and, from the few sessions we've had so far, I can see that you've already come a long way."

"It doesn't feel like I have. I just feel... I feel small." she whispered, looking down at her fidgeting hands resting in her lap.

"That's because you've taken such big steps by sharing your story with me." Eliza stated matter of factly. "I'm proud of you, Amanda, and you should be too. How much of all this does Olivia know? Have you told her exactly what your father did to you or does she only..."

"She doesn't really know any details." Amanda interrupted. "Just that he... that he was... abusive and that he molested me. No details, no specifics."

"Is that something you've thought about? I'm just asking because of the romantic feelings you have for each other. Don't you think that, if you two decide to become intimate, that it would be a good thing if she knew about some of the details so you would be more comfortable and at ease when it does happen?"

Silence hung heavily in the room as Amanda contemplated Eliza's suggestion with care, running it over in her mind, trying to find or come up with a reason to not tell Olivia about it but came up empty. Telling the brunette made more sense and she knew it was the right and the logical thing to do. "I guess." she hesitantly replied. "How much do I have to tell her?"

"That is completely up to you, Amanda. It was only a suggestion and I don't want you to feel forced to do anything you're not ready for." she studied the small huddled form sitting on the couch, feeling the empathy running through her veins. "I handle these issues almost every day, Amanda, and after so many years in this profession I can tell you, with most certainty, that talking to Olivia about it will not only benefit you but it will be good for you both. I can ask her to join in on out next session, if you'd like? It's up to you, there's no pressure what so ever. Just think about it."

 **Session 4**

"Olivia, thank you for coming. It's a pleasure to have you here, both of you. Please, take a seat."

"If it helps Amanda, me being here, then I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Liv said firmly but in a warm tone and sat down on the couch a couple of feet away from the blonde, wanting to give her some space even though all she really wanted to do was to wrap her up in a tight embrace and sooth her worried and sad expression away from her face until all her fears were gone.

"I think it will help Amanda by having you here. In our last session we discussed some heavy and emotional things but we also briefly talked about your relationship to each other. My understanding is that you two have recently started to explore the possibility of a, hopefully successful and beautiful, relationship and there are some things that Amanda feel like she needs to tell you before things go any further."

Eliza darted her eyes between the brunette and blonde, noticing how Amanda was shifting nervously in her seat, her face had become very pale all of a sudden and her palms had began to sweat profusely as she was rubbing them up and down over the material of her jeans. "We don't have to do this now, Amanda. You can change your mind whenever you want. You are in control."

Olivia turned slightly towards Amanda, the high heels from her pumps scraped faintly on the wooden floor and her long black coat twisted underneath her weight and she swiftly removed it, hanging it over the backrest of the couch. "She's right, honey, you don't have to tell me anything you're not ready for."

Eliza instantly picked up on the endearment, that so naturally had slipped out of Olivia's mouth, and smiled briefly. "Remember, this is to help you, Amanda, not make things worse. If you feel that you're not ready then we don't have to talk about it."

"No, I... I want to... I need to do this. It's just... it's just hard." she stuttered, her eyes flickering across the room, not know what to focus on until Olivia suddenly took a gentle hold of one of her clammy and cold hands.

"You don't need to do anything. You don't look well, sweetheart! If this is too much then we'll talk about something else or we can go home right now, if that's what you want. You just say the word, okay?"

"It's very obvious to me that you two really care about one another." Eliza stated as she watched Olivia wrap both of her hands around Amanda's, trying to sooth her.

"Of course." Liv whispered, not letting her eyes move from her main focus- Amanda.

"My priority here is to help Amanda in any way that I'm capable of and in our last session we did discuss some of her fears reffering to the intimate aspect of your relationship. She did tell me that nothing sexual has happened between the two of you but that she would be interested to go down that road in the future. Are those feelings mutual?"

Olivia did not let go of the cold hands but she turned her gaze towards the therapist to engage better in the conversation. "Of course the are. We did share a kiss not so long ago and I haven't been able to get that kiss out of my head ever since. Of course the sexual aspect in a relationship is important but Amanda's welfare and health is even more so." she turned her focus back onto the quiet and pale blonde next to her. "Whatever fears you might have can be worked through, sweetie, and I'm not leaving you. There's nothing you can't say to me. What scares you so much, honey? You know I would never hurt you, right? I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do, I would never touch you anywhere you don't want me to touch you and I would never betray your trust. Ever."

Amanda's pale blue eyes began to water and her body shook with silent sobs causing the couch, that they were sitting in, to shake. "Sweetheart, don't do this to yourself. Don't force it if you can't or don't want to talk about it." Liv shifted closer, their legs now touching, hoping she could provide with some physical comfort.

Swallowing her tears, Amanda somehow managed to choke her words out. "I'm... I'm afraid of having... having... sex."

Liv watched Amanda's body shudder and twitch slightly from the loaded confession and her heart went out to the young woman, thinking that nobody should be that afraid to experience consensual sexual pleasure. "I know, sweetheart, I know you are." she cooed lovingly. "I understand that and there is no rush. Everything we do will be at your pace and your terms. I don't care how long it takes, honey."

"No, you... you don't understand." Amanda cried, shaking her head in desperation. "I... I'm afraid of what will happen to... to my body if we... if we... if we were..."

"Okay, easy honey!" Olivia soothed and ran a hand down a trembling back, stopping in the middle to rub calming circles over the material of Amanda's blouse. "What do you think is gonna happen to your body?"

The tears had started again and were making their way down two pale but soft cheeks, her nose was runnig and her throat had clogged up. "I'm... I... I'm afraid of... of having an... an orgasm." she croaked. "I've never... never experienced an... an orgasm with anyone but... myself, except... except my... my... my father."

Olivia stiffened.


	13. Chapter 13

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 13

 **Thank you everyone for taking your time to review. Here's the next chapter.**

 _Olivia stiffened._

Her whole body turned rigid but only for a second before her hand flew to her mouth to silence a gasp of shock and horror as to what this young woman has been through. "Oh my... I... I had no idea that you carried this around with you for so long. Sweetheart, what happened to your body back then was not your fault."

"Then why did it happen to me? Why did I let it happen? No one, in their functional and right state of mind, would let that happen! Just me!" Amanda cried as she stood up and began to frantically pace back and forth in front of the large bay window, seven floors up.

The brunette was quick to approach the near hysterical woman, careful not to touch her but wanting to make sure she knew that she was there if she needed support at any time. "Amanda, I want you to listen to me, honey. You did not let it happen, you did not make yourself do anything. It's a reflex and it's perfectly normal. It's like crying when you're cutting an onion or..."

"It makes me disgusting and ugly!" she yelled, running her hands through her blonde locks. "It doesn't change the fact that it happened."

"It does not make you ugly or disgusting. It happened because your body responded, just like a reflex, and I don't think any differently about you. You are still the smart, beautiful and strong woman that I met a few weeks ago. You're not alone in this, Amanda, there are women and men out there that have gone through the exact same thing as you and I know for a fact, from what I have seen, that it does get better with time and therapy. Talking about it really helps and I'm so proud of you for telling me this, so proud of your bravery and your courage for opening up about something so private."

The brunette watched as Amanda came to a full stop and looked at her with tired, teary blue eyes. "I don't know if I can ever be enough for you. I don't know if I can ever let you touch me in a... in a sexual way, I'm not..."

"That's okay, sweetie, it's all going to be okay. Now that I know, what you've been carrying around for so long, we can work on it together and there's no rush, we will take it as slow as you want, I'm not going to force you to do anything you're not ready for."

"What if I'm never ready? What if I can't give you what you want, what you need?"

Smiling sadly, Olivia took a step closer to the petite shivering form and held her hand out. "I believe it's for me to decide what I want and what I need and I believe that that is you. I promise you that everyting is going to be alright, sweetheart."

Looking at the outstretched hand hovering in the air, Amanda hesitantly reached out and, as soon as their skin made contact, she broke. She hunched over with one arm wrapped around her middle as if she was trying to support herself or making a desperate attempt to hold herself together and not break apart like a fragile china doll but there was no use to fight so hard for something that was inevitable. Her knees buckled and she would've surely fallen flat on her face, down onto the hardwood floor, if it wasn't for Olivia's quick thinking and the Lieutenant swiftly caught her lightweight before she hit the ground.

"Whoa! Easy, sweetheart! Come sit with me, honey, it's okay." she carefully guided the sobbing blonde back to the couch, gently sat her down before she cautiously kneeled down in front of her, holding her cold and clammy hands in hers, trying to rub some warmth into them with her thumbs and palms as she studied the wet and blotchy face in concern, worried about Amanda's wellbeing and her strained attempts to take a long and deep breath.

A glass of water suddenly appeared next to the brunette who had to hold the glass herself so Amanda could take a couple of sips without spilling it's contents all over herself and the couch. "That's it, honey, nice and slow, you're okay." she cooed, placed the half empty glass onto the table, took a seat right next to a near hysterical Amanda and wrapped her arms around the quivering form. "Shhh, try to ease up on your breathing, sweetheart, it's just too much too fast, that's all. You're okay."

"Try to focus on your breathing, Amanda. Nothing else, just focus on taking a deep and calming breath of air and letting it out slowly. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Ground yourself, let your feet fully touch the floor, feel the warmth of Olivia's hands and body and let yourself sink into the couch and relax."

Eliza knew that her voice and advice was not much of a help to Amanda in this moment. Olivia was what she needed right now and she could see the blonde slowly respond to the brunette's gentle touches by leaning into the soft and warm body next to her, letting herself be held and comforted by the only person who she felt safe enough to get so physically close to. "I'm gonna step outside for a while. My next appointment isn't until another hour so feel free to stay, just give me a shout if you need me."

Eliza quietly left the room, leaving a whimpering and sobbing Amanda and a comforting and concerned Olivia behind. "Come here, baby." Liv whispered softly and easily pulled the small body into her lap, cradling her like a child after a nightmare, rocking them both from side to side while speaking words of reassurance into her ear. She then realized that she had called Amanda 'baby' for the first time and hoped that she wouldn't have a bad reaction from it but the blonde didn't seem to have noticed it or, if she did, she didn't show any signs of disapproval, which was a good thing.

"It's just you and me here now, sweetheart, no one else. You can cry, scream or curse, whatever you need to do to feel better, okay. I'm right here."

"I... I want to... to be able to... to please you." Amanda cried, her face half hidden in the crook of Olivia's neck, inhaling her calming scent of vanilla and tropical blossoms.

"You are, honey. You are pleasing me already by giving us a chance and by doing everything that you are doing so you can finally start to heal. Nothing else matters."

"That's... that's not what I meant." came the croaked and faint reply, barely audible for the most sensitive of ears.

"I know, sweetheart, I know." Olivia hushed. "I know what you meant and I don't think you should worry about any of that right now. There's no rush and I enjoy just holding you and kissing you. I don't want you to worry about anything except taking the time you need to heal and I will be with you every step of the way. You're not alone anymore, sweetheart, you'll never have to be alone ever again. Everything's gonna be okay."

"I hope so." Amanda whispered, still not convinced or certain about overcoming her fears. "You deserve better than me, Olivia. You deserve someone who's..."

"Stop that right now, I don't want to hear it, honey." she gently scolded. "I want to give this, us, a chance. I care for you, Amanda, I really do and I want you in my life." Olivia soothed while her fingers stroked a wet and slightly flushed cheek underneath her chin, her heart breaking at the sad and broken look on Amanda's face.

"I care for you too." Amanda whispered after a pregnant pause, her voice had turned somewhat sleepy and drowsy which to Olivia wasn't surprising at all after the emotional breakdown she just had. Tired probably didn't even come close to what Amanda must be feeling.

That night Amanda couldn't sleep even though her body and mind was excruciatingly exhausted. Her brain wouldn't shut off no matter how hard she tried. She forced herself to think about other things, more pleasant things, but found that her thoughts always slipped back onto the dark and scary path of the unknown and how nervous and anxious she was about the whole intimacy issue.

She tossed and turned, afraid she would wake the peaceful slumbering brunette next to her, who had earlier insisted on staying close by, even during the quiet hours of the night. The steetlamps outside created a faint light in the dark room, cascading a ray of a soft yellow glow onto Olivia's sleeping face, making her look almost angelic or some other form of a heavenly body. Soft snores reached her ears and she couldn't help but to smile faintly at the comforting sound that was so new to her.

She had never slept next to anybody before, not this close and not throughout a whole night. Olivia was the only person she could imagine herself being so close to without feeling scared or awkward, not even uncomfortable. Nervous, yes, but never uncomfortable. Her father had passed out next to her on her bed a few times, after taking what he claimed to be his, but she would always move and sneak into Kim's bed or the couch in the livingroom.

A body next to hers always reminded her of her father and how he would press up against her even in his sleeping state and how much it sickened her to the core that she could still somehow smell his after shave and sweat mixed together, feel his hands on her body, groping and fondling, and sometimes even hear his low and raspy voice panting into her ear at night. Olivia was different on so many levels. It felt so wrong to compare the brunette with the monster she had as a father since they were two completely different people altogether. Even calling her father a 'person' or a 'human being' felt like a stretch for such a low life scum of the earth that deserved every act of violence and harassment he would more than likely receive in prison, but there was no suitable word for such a horrific and cruel man.

Her patience finally ran out and she quietly got out of bed and sneaked out of the room, holding her breath as if her movements would automatically turn mute by doing so, releasing it slowly when she reached the livingroom further down the hall. There was a chill in the air and even though she was wearing a pair of warm flannel bottoms, she was only dressed in a t-shirt on her upper half, causing goosebumps to raise on her arms. Wrapping herself in a blanket, she curled up in the corner of the sofa and closed her eyes.

The silence was almost unbearable. Usually she would prefer a quiet atmosphere than a loud and noisy one but tonight, for some reason, the quietness didn't sit well with her at all and she had to turn the tv on for a low backround sound, helping her to relax and unwind and, hopefully, steering her troubled thoughts away from her wildly buzzing mind.

It was nearly six am when Amanda finally gave up on getting some sleep and she pushed herself off the couch, turning the ridiculous reality show, that was currently playing on the screen, off and decided to make Liv some breakfast, knowing that the Lieutenant would be getting up in about thirty minutes or so for work. She was not a bad cook. She had several years of experience in cooking for Kim and herself while growing up since they had no option but to fend for themselves as young kids. A mean eggs Benedict was one of her signature breakfasts which Kim had loved and would always ask her older sister to make almost every morning.

Just as she was pouring the homemade hollandaise sauce over the poached egg that rested on a toasted crumpet, Olivia appeared in the hallway with a worried expression on her face. "You okay, honey? I woke up and you weren't there. Everything alright?"

Amanda slid the plate across the kitchen counter while wiggling her eyebrows in a playful manner. "Made you breakfast, Lieutenant. Hope you like it."

Olivia's eyes widened in surprise as she looked down on the perfectly poached egg, the steaming sauce and the crispy slices of bacon on the side and didn't really know what to say. "Wow!" she gasped. "This... this looks delicious." grabbing a fork, she dug into the hot dish and took her fist bite. "Oh my god!" she stated in awe. "This is amazing. Where did you learn how to cook? You're hired!"

Giggling, Amanda began eating her own breakfast and realized then how much she had missed cooking and especially eggs Benedict since it reminded her of her sister. "Most days I had to cook for myself and Kim, so I guess I kind of picked up a few things here and there. This is the first time I've cooked in years."

Liv could detect a hint of sadness in her voice and it broke her heart. "Well, you can cook as much as you want in this kitchen. My cooking skills are being put to shame compared to yours." with gusto she ate the remainder on the plate and began to get ready for the day, her shift starting in just under an hour.

It was still dark outside when Olivia kissed her lightly on the lips before heading off but after Amanda had finished cleaning up the kitchen, had a shower and gotten dressed, the sun had crept up over the horizon and the day had begun it's busy routine, repeating itself. It was sunny and bright outside, cold but crisp and clear as the people of New York City roused from their sleepy minds, reluctant to start a new day.

Since the sun was so bright, Amanda couldn't resist the pull of going outside for a walk. It felt strange to walk the streets, passing block after block, knowing for once, that she had a place to go back to when she got too tired or too cold. It had been years since she had had the luxury of retreating back into a place that was sheltered, had four walls and a roof over her head. In the apartment, where she grew up, her parents hardly ever turned the heating on during the cold winter months, saying that it cost money and if they were cold they could simply wrap themselves in a blanket instead.

Now, however, she had the rare opportunity to retire into a warm, clean and welcoming apartment that she could relax in and let her guard down for once, not having to be afraid all the time or ready to bolt and escape her father's evil clutches whenever he was in one of his moods. This was Olivia's apartment and, to her, Olivia symbolized safety, warmth, compassion, patience and... and... home?! It wasn't her home, it was Olivia's but there was a faint and hidden feeling of peace buried beneath her troubled soul that gave her a sense of belonging, somewhere she could take up refuge and a sanctuary.

A piercing yelp and a pitiful whine suddenly appeared out of nowhere and Amanda stopped and looked around, trying to figure out what had caused the noise and where exactly it had come from. Again, the noise rang out and it seemed to come from a side street down to her left and she immediately turned her full attention to where the heartbreaking sound had erupted. Another whine and a small cry could be heard followed by a female sushing voice that sounded sympathetic, kind and slightly worried and scared.

"Easy, girl! I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm trying to help. Just stay still, sweetheart."

Amanda entered the scene and saw a woman in her late twenties or early thirties, black hair, slim built, dressed in a uniform with a long pole with a large loop at the end in her hands, talking soothingly to a stray dog that was currently shivering and cowering with the tail between it's legs. The woman seemed slightly nervous around the canine even though she appeared to be working with animals, judging by her uniform, and she kept on talking calmly to the scared dog while slowly approaching with the loop, intending to place it around the dog's neck.

"I think you've got a better chance of catching her if you put the pole down." Amanda suggested, stepping closer to the stranger.

The woman turned, slightly startled by the sudden interruption, and scanned her from top to toe with a faint frown on her face. "Who are you? She yours?"

Then the dog obviously saw her chance of escaping the scary looking stick in the woman's hands by running between her legs, so fast anyone would have missed it if they blinked, and headed straight for where Amanda was standing. The dog surprisingly stopped just by her feet, sat down and looked up at the blonde with big round deep brown eyes that seemed almost enchanted or spellbound.

"Someone complained about a dog running wild, looking scared and malnourished. I suggest you keep her on a leash and look after her better. You can see her ribs and for a pitbull mix, like her, it's not healthy."

"I... um... it's not my dog." Amanda stuttered, her eyes flickering between the dog and the woman, who was now standing in front of her, looking slightly disheveled and out of breath from the long chase.

"Well, she seems to like you. Are you sure she's not yours?"

Amamda chuckled and frowned. "I think I would know if I owned a dog or not. I'm telling you, I've never seen her before but she seems sweet and quite affectionate." she crunched down and began to scratch the dog behind her ears and around her neck, causing the furry animal to wag her tail and lick her hands every time she got an opportunity. "Where did you come from, sweetie? Are you on your own?" Amanda cooed while continuing her pleasant rubs.

"If she's not yours then she's probably a stray. If you can help me bring her over to my van I can check for a micro chip."

They got to the large vehicle and the woman scanned the dog's neck but nothing showed up on the device which caused the woman to sigh sadly. "Another one that has to go to a shelter."

When the woman opened the back door to the van, Amanda spotted a big metal cage with a mussel hanging on a hook next to it and, what looked like, tranquilizers. "Wait!" she said loudly, placing a hand on the woman's arm, stopping her from opening the cage. "What do you mean, a shelter? Will she be put down?"

"It depends." the raven haired woman stated. "She might be placed for adoption but it's very hard to find homes for pitbulls since they have a reputation of being aggressive and violent. Not many people are willing to take them into their homes. Why? You interested in taking her?" she offered Amanda a crooked smile. "You two seem to have an instant connection. Love at first sight, true love's kiss and all that. It's like a fairy tale, really."

Laughing nervously Amanda looked down at the dog who had now pressed herself up against her leg, shivering from the cold and weight loss but still wagging her tail happily. "I'm living with someone at the moment. I... I don't think I can just bring a dog into her home, pitbull or not, it's just not my call." the dog whined pitifully, as if she understood every word of what Amanda had just said, sad that she wouldn't be going home with the pretty looking blonde. "Don't look at me like that." she cried softly, feeling her heart ache.

"It seems like she's glued to your side." the woman laughed. "I'll tell you what," she dug inside the pocket of her jacket and handed Amanda a card with the shelter's name and address on it. "Why don't you take her for the night and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out then you can bring her to the shelter, ask for me and I'll see what I can do for her."

Looking down at the dog then the card, Amanda knew she was taking a big risk by doing this but she just couldn't let this sweet dog end up in a shelter with hundreds of other dogs, locked in a cage and no one to give her the attention and love that she needed. The quivering four legged creature had somehow snaked her way into her heart in such short amount of time and she knew she had to do something to help her. If Olivia didn't want a dog in her apartment then she would simply have to take her to the kennels.

"One night and I'll see how it goes."


	14. Chapter 14

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 14

"I... I hate to think that you're mad at me. I... I just couldn't let her go to a shelter but if you don't want her here, then I will. It's your home, your apartment and I can't just bring a dog back without talking to you about it first, I know that. God, I'm so stupid! I... I never should've..."

"Amanda, sit down please, you're making me dizzy with your pacing back and forth like that." Olivia was seated on the couch, Amanda talking and pacing so fast, it almost made her sick to her stomach and the dog was lying on a blanket on the floor, a set of dark round eyes watching them with interest, her tail lazily slappimg against the wooden floor on occasion.

The brunette had come home about ten minutes ago to a frantically apologetic Amanda, saying how sorry she was over and over, close to tears and Olivia didn't know what had happened or gotten into her before a wet nose suddenly sniffed her left hand and she yelped in surprise, taking a step back. Her eyes grew to the size of two saucers as she looked down at the canine, wondering how the hell it had ended up in her apartment. Amanda had explained the whole situation with such vocal speed that it was difficult for Olivia, or anyone for that matter, to keep up or understand but, after some gentle coaxing, she had managed to get a nice and calm explanation.

The sincere but anxious expression on Amanda's face, as she blurted out apology after apology, tugged at the Lieutenant's heart strings and she simply couldn't be upset with her for doing something good, something so selfless and pure of heart. How anyone could feel anything but admiration and pride in such a kind and compassionate act was beyond Olivia and she was indeed proud and secretly happy about the current situation as she had always wanted a dog in her young teenage years but was unable to get one due to her mother's allergies. Of course she was shocked and put on the spot but she didn't have the heart to say no, plus she didn't want to.

"Honey, sit down." Olivia repeated in a louder tone as her previous attempt to get the pacing blonde to sit didn't seem to work. However, this time, it did and Amanda immediately came to a halt, bit her lower lip in worry and quietly took a seat next to Olivia, leaving a few inches between them, not sure if the brunette would appreciate close physical contact right now in case she was mad.

"Hey, don't look so worried, honey. If it means that much to you then she's more than welcome to stay." she looked over at the dog, who let out a cute squeak as she yawned, and carefully studied the furry creature. "We do have to fatten her up a bit so tomorrow we'll get some dog food, a bed and some toys for her to play with, what do you say?"

It didn't take long, probably less than a second, before Olivia found herself with an almost crying Amanda in her arms. The blonde had flung her arms around her neck, hugging her so tight that it felt like her eyeballs were going to pop out. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squeaked in delight.

Laughing, Olivia returned the strong hug, running her hand up and down Amanda's back a few times before gebtly pulling away. "Do you have a name for her?"

"Oh my god!" Amanda gasped and turned her eyes towards the dog who was now silently studying the human duo sitting on the couch. "She doesn't have one. Any suggestions?"

Liv kissed her cheek while smiling softly. "You should have the honours of giving her a name, sweetie. I'll leave it in your capable hands. I'm gonna start dinner while you two get more comfortable with each other. Lasagne sound good?"

"Sounds amazing. Thank you so much, Olivia. I mean it."

Almost two weeks had passed since Frannie- May, Frannie for short, had come into their lifes and she was doing remarkably well. She was a very aloof and calm dog who enjoyed her sleep and pamper time but also made the most out of her walks and play time in the park and socialize with other dogs. Olivia had even bought her a bandana and a winter coat to keep the cold out for when they were outside for a longer period of time.

She had settled in very quick and it was as if she had always been there, licking their faces, demanding rubs and scratches and sleeping at the foot of the bed even though she had her own little bunk to sleep on. Neither of them didn't really mind since there was still plenty of space for the two of them to cuddle up or stretch out if they wanted to. She was a part of them now, a part of something beautiful.

Amanda wanted to bring Frannie to the shelter, to see the woman she had met that day, to show her the remarkable physical improvements in the dog; her ribs were less noticeable, her fur and skin looked shiny and soft and her tail was no longer between her legs but instead it was constantly wagging and, at times, spinning round and round like a propeller. She was precious and very much loved by both Amanda and Olivia.

"I didn't think I would see you again. Did you have a change of heart?"

As soon as she stepped into the shelter, she recognized the voice of the woman she met two week ago and even Frannie perked her ears up as she heard the voice of the person who had tried to snatch her from the streets earlier, however, her tail was wagging this time and she seemed happy.

"Oh no!" Amanda informed, suddenly feeling slightly shy. "I... I just wanted to come by and show you Frannie's amazing progress and thank you for the opportunity to take her in. She's doing very well."

"I can see that." smiling, the woman crouched down and began to rub the dog under her chin, earning her a wet sloppy lick across her cheek. "Hi girl, I'm sorry for scaring you earlier, I was just worried about your safety, sweetie. Seems like you've got a forever home, ugh? Good girl." getting back to her feet, she reached her hand out to the small blonde. "I'm Nicole, by the way, Nicole Sutter or Nikki for short."

"Amanda Rollins, nice to meet you." she greeted politely.

"So, your house mate was okay with an extra addition?" Nikki asked as Frannie sniffed her legs, smelling other dogs and animals on her clothes.

Blushing, Amanda began to fidget with the lead in her hand, turning her gaze to the floor. "Actually, the house mate is my um... my girlfriend." as soon as the word 'girlfriend' came out of her mouth it surprised her as it sounded strange but yet right and suitable somehow, like she had longed and dreamt about saying it for a long long time.

"Good for you." Nicole chuckled and nudged her arm playfully. "See that gorgeous hunk of a woman over there?" Amanda followed the direction in which the black haired woman was pointing and spotted a woman, about the same age as Nikki, trying to control a huge German Shepherd that seemed to be way too eager to play instead of listening to commands. "That's my girl, Sharon. She's one of the trainers here at the shelter, one of the best if you ask me. She trains them before they're put up for adoption. I'm a trainer too but not full time. I'm more into the action packed drama of chasing down the animals or dealing with their usually neglectful and disrespectful owners. You have no idea what some people do to their pets or life stock. It's sickening. As for permanent staff, we have five full time workers and some volunteers on the weekends and evenings. They'll take the dogs for walks, feed them, clean out their cages and just spend some time with them."

Amanda did have an idea. If people, parents, her parents, were capable of being so cruel to their own children and their own families, then she could only imagine what some people would do to their animals. "Some people shouldn't be allowed to have pets or any type of animals." she stated sadly, letting her gaze slowly wander over the metal cages in different sizes with dogs in various breeds inside them, barking, crying, sleeping or jumping excitedly up and down, hoping that the blonde newcomer would take them home. "How many dogs do you have here?" Amanda wanted to know.

"We have about seventy dogs at the moment, and that's good. We have the capacity to hold up to one hundred and fifty, which we have had on several occasions and the whole place is mayhem. We also have around thirty cats, they're in a separate building away from all the barking, and we have seven horses, two donkeys and two pigs."

"Wow, you've got a full house."

Nikki chuckled, agreeing to the fullest. "You have no idea. Would you like a tour?"

Amanda got to see all the animals in the shelter and the two pigs, Wilbur and Wilbert, were her favorite. Two cats had recently given birth to a litter each and the kittens had not yet fully opened their eyes and Amanda could stand and look at them all day long if the opportunity was given to her. The horses and the donkeys were all together in a big enclosure, all friends and getting along with one another which was delightful to see as Amanda had never seen a donkey close up before and she even got to pet them which made her feel like a little girl at a petting farm. Frannie also seemed to enjoy the tour, especially the cats. She had been very curious about the tiny balls of fluff that made such small and squeaky noises as they unsteadily crawled around their mother, trying to get a good spot close to a nipple. Her ears had shot up, tail wagging profusely and she had laid down in front of the cat's bed, watching them intensely, wanting to play.

"Listen, if you're interested in a job opportunity you're more than welcome to come in for a trial, maybe tomorrow at noon?" Nikki suggested happily, getting a good vibe of Amanda as she seemed to really like animals and she also came across as a responsible and down to earth kind of girl who would walk that extra mile for the sake of an animal.

"Really? That would be great!" she beamed in delight.

"It's only minimum wage and it'll be around thirty hours a week but if you're interested I think you would be perfect for the position."

"I'll see you tomorrow at noon then."

The dinner was just finished cooking as Amanda heard the key turn in the lock. She had made spaghetti, meatballs, with a tomato and oregano sauce, and garlic bread and the apartment smelled wonderful. "Wow, I smell something delicious. Is it you or the food?" Liv joked as she entered the kitchen and stole a kiss from the woman who was slowly but surely worming herself into her heart, causing her chest to swell with an array of emotions and feelings she didn't know was possible.

Amanda smiled into the kiss and visibly relaxed as she felt the soft pair of lips press against her own. "It must be Frannie." the blonde chuckled and watched as the dog's head popped up as she heard her name being called.

Liv had bought a bottle of wine on her way home from work and it was now empty and so were the plates in front of them but their bellies were as full as they could be. They were snuggled together on the couch, watching a goofy movie, when Amanda decided to break the good news. "I got a job today, down at the animal shelter where Frannie would've been taken to if I... well, _we_ hadn't taken her in. I'm starting tomorrow."

Olivia raised her eyebrows in surprise and a huge smile spread across her face, causing her eyes to light up. "That's wonderful, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you." she enveloped the small body in her arms and gave her a tight hug, kissing her temple and then her lips. "That's great news, honey."

"Yeah, it is." she said, suddely feeling a bit shy and insecure. "It's only minimum wage but... at least I can contribute to something if I'm going to be staying here. I... I don't want you to think I'm using you or being..."

Amanda was interrupted by a soft and loving kiss, stopping her from continuing. "Shh, I don't think that. I would never think that. Your cooking is all you have to contribute. I must say that you have spoilt me with your delicious culinary skills and I would miss you if you weren't here."

"So you're the one using me for my cooking, Lieutenant. That hurts my feelings." Amanda gasped dramatically as she placed a hand on her chest in a theatrical wave.

"Aww, my poor baby, I didn't mean for you to get your feelings hurt." Liv cooed in a childlike voice and pulled Amanda close to her side, kissing her cheek softly. "Would a kiss make you feel better?" she asked flirtatiously.

The young blonde pursed her lips, thinking soundly. "Hmm, I guess you could give it a shot."

Leaning forward, Liv gently captured Amanda's waiting lips with her own, moving them slightly against the warmth so the younger woman could get use to the feeling and pull away if needed be. The kiss deepened and tongues began a sensual dance of dominance and passion, breaths heavy and mingling, cheeks flushed and hearts beating fast. A moan accidentally slipped out from between Olivia's lips and that's when Amanda pulled away, her eyes a shade darker than usual with a hint of uncertainty and something else that the brunette couldn't clearly identify, maybe a flicker of fear and hesitancy.

"I'm sorry." Amanda whispered, feeling as if she had let Olivia down by teasing her and then moving away so abruptly.

"No need to be sorry, sweetheart." she hushed and cupped the beautiful face between her hands, her thumbs stroking the delicate skin under her eyes, relishing the softness. "There's no rush and you set the pace, remember? I'm the one who should be apologizing, I admit that I got carried away and I should've known better. You're okay, honey, you're okay."

"It's not your fault. I'm sorry if I'm being a tease, it just felt so good, so right and I didn't really want to stop but I..."

"I know, baby, it's okay." a line of soft kisses were placed along her forehead and Olivia rubbed her back soothingly. "Why don't we call it a night and snuggle up in the bed, hmm?"

There was nowhere else Amanda would rather be other than Olivia's warm and secure embrace and they found themselves intertwined in each other's limbs, arms wrapped so tightly around one another that even air couldn't pass through between their bodies. They talked and giggled for a bit, sharing stories, good and bad, from their childhood, their most embarrassing moments, that they never thought they would tell anybody as long as they lived, and secrets that they trusted each other with. Frannie had fallen asleep at the foot of the bed and the two women weren't far behind as they all drifted off into the land of dreams.

However, pleasant dreams didn't come to Amanda and, about an hour after falling asleep, she was trapped in the midst of a very vivid nigtmare, her legs getting caught in the blankets, restricting her movements and her head tossed from side to side as sweat bloomed on her forehead and upper lip. Her father was on top of her, pinning her down with his bodyweight, his stale breath panting over her face, hovering above her with a grin that looked like the devil himself, forcing his way inside of her, ripping her apart.

"Ouch, you're hurting me! Please stop! I beg you, please stop, it hurts so bad. Please!" her arms began to flail and she accidentally hit Olivia right in the face, not too hard but enough for the brunette to awaken fully, confused and startled at the same time, wondering what had happened. That's when she saw and heard Amanda whimpering and crying in her sleep, head turning left and right, tears coating her cheeks, chest heaving and legs desperately trying to free themselves from their confinement.

"It hurts, please stop! No more, please, get away from me!" her voice was louder this time, more frantic and fearful in it's tone and it made Olivia's heart ache with sadness.

"Hey, sweetie, you're dreaming. It's me, Olivia. You're okay and there's no one here that wants to hurt you. You're safe, baby, you're safe." Liv ran a cool hand over a heated forehead and uttered sushing noises into her ear, hoping it would settle her down some but it didn't seem to work as Amanda kept on trying to kick her legs to defend herself. "Amanda, wake up, sweetie! There's no one here except for Frannie and I. No one is hurting you, baby but I need you to wake up now. Wake up, Amanda, wake up!"

Blue eyes snapped open and she gasped for air, hands came up to cover her face to protect herself from an invisible intruder and her legs kept on kicking and kicking. "I'm stuck, I'm trapped! Please, let me go! Let me go, let me go, let me go!" she wailed as she violently fought against the restraints.

"Okay, baby, hold on!" Liv soothed as she quickly sat up and began to frantically free Amanda's legs from the tangled mess of sheets and blankets. "Easy, sweetie, I'm almost done."

When the blankets were pulled off and tossed onto the floor, Amanda sat up immediately, scurried back against the headboard, pulling her knees up to her chest and hid her face in them, crying and shaking forcefully, the horrible images still fresh in her mind.

Olivia felt her own eyes burn with brimming tears and her whole being ached for the distraught woman. She wanted to touch her, to pull her into her arms and offer all the love, warmth and kindness into the battered soul but she was afraid that her physical closeness wouldn't be appreciated. However, after watching Amanda struggle to calm down and take a deep breath, she could no longer just sit there and do nothing.

She gently eased herself forward and slowly brought the sobbing woman close to her chest, glad when Amanda seemed to accept the contact. "Come here, sweetheart. Shhh, shhh, easy baby, everything is okay, it was only a bad dream. Just a really bad dream. You're safe here, you're safe with me. Shhh!"

She tightened the hold around the shuddering form and pulled her all the way into her lap, cradling her like a mother would do to a child, and began a soothing rocking motion from side to side while continuing to reassure with gentle and comforting words and touches, letting her know that she was safe and protected.

Amanda laid limp in her arms, still crying, but not as hysterical as before, and she turned her head upwards to meet Olivia's gaze, her eyes full of tears. Then she brought her arms up and shakily wrapped them around Olivia's neck, pressing her face against Liv's pajama clad chest and held on for dear life.

"Oh, baby! I'm right here, sweetheart, I'm right here with you. Just let yourself cry, it's okay. Don't hold back, honey, just let everything out. It needs to come out now."


	15. Chapter 15

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 15

Amanda was exhausted the next day.

Olivia had woken up before her alarm and she stayed longer than usual in bed, watching carefully over the still sleeping blonde, stroking her face gently and whispering soothing words into her ear even though she couldn't hear or understand them in her current slumbering state. It had been extremely difficult and painfull to watch her girlfriend in such a bad way, knowing that there was nothing she could do to make things better or even close to bearable. Amanda's cries and whimpers had lasted long into the night before she eventually cried herself to sleep in the warm and safe cocoon of Olivia's rocking arms and the older woman had to carefully lower them both back down onto the mattress, covered them with the blankets and fell asleep only minutes after.

"Will you be okay today, honey? You look really tired and I'm a bit concerned about you. That dream you had must've been awful." Liv cupped the side of Amanda's face with her right hand and worried brown eyes looking straight into hers. She was ready to head off to work but wanted reassurance that Amanda would indeed be okay and that she was able to see through the day without any problems.

"I look like shit,- is that what you're trying to say, Lieutenant?" she asked as her eyebrows shot up in a questioning manner.

"Never." Olivia immediately stated as she took a step closer to the small blonde and pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her cheek. "Oh, I almost forgot." fishing around in her handbag, she pulled out a smallish box and handed it to Amanda, who frowned at the unexpected present. "I should've bought you one earlier but it got crazy busy at work and unfortunately it slipped my mind. Fin actually had to remind me several times to buy it before I finally did."

With a confused look on her face, Amanda opened the box and her eyes widened as she spotted a bran new smartphone inside with a charger and a pair of Bluetooth headphones. "You're already set up, your number is in your contact list and so is mine Fin and Carisi's. It makes me feel better during the day that we have a way of communicating in case something comes up or something happens or in an emergency."

She was speechless, surprised, shocked and overwhelmed by the thoughtful gift and didn't know what to say except for a stuttering 'thank you' and another hug. She did have a smartphone in her teenage years, earning the money by doing odd jobs for people that she knew or people that they knew. It had taken her a long time to save up for it and she had been so happy and proud of herself for having something so expensive in her possession that she had earned and worked hard for herself. Unfortunately, her father had found it shortly after, blamed Amanda for stealing it and took it himself, sold it and kept the money for drink and drugs. Never again did she leave any valuables, sentimental or material, around inside the apartment.

The first two hours into her new job had only consisted of filling out papers with her details, placing her on the payroll and showing her more thoroughly around the place. Frannie did also also tag along since she didn't want to leave her on her own for a longer period of time. Nikki was with her most of the day but she also got to meet Sharon and a couple of other staff. Everyone seemed nice and friendly, making her feel welcomed and cared for as she did come across a bit nervous and tense. If the knew only Amanda's history, they would probably understand why.

The last hour Amanda and Nikki were cleaning out a row of dog cages and questions turned slightly uncomfortable for Amanda's liking. She didn't blame Nikki for it. It was only human nature to engage in conversation and small talk, asking questions that would be considered normal and completely natural to ask but, for Amanda, it felt strange and unnerving. She kept her answers short and returned the question, hoping that Nikki would elaborate on her replies and tell the blonde her whole life story so she didn't have to explain anything she wasn't ready for. When Nikki asked if her family lived in the city, did Amanda freeze on the spot, her heart almost beating through her chest and her breathing changed from normal shallow breaths to rapid and strained ones and her cheeks flushed.

"Are you okay?" Nikki queried softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Amanda stiffen under the hand but didn't pull away as it would probably seem strange to Nikki why she would react so strongly from just a simple touch. "Yeah... I'm okay." she croaked and fought against her racing heart, willing her breathing to slow down and return to normal.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I can be very chatty and sometimes very straightforward, or at least, that's what Sharon says. Don't mind me. You can give me a clatter in the head with the broom whenever you want, I'm sure Sharon wouldn't mind." she smiled and winked at her new friend, wanting her to feel comfortable and relaxed, especially her first day on the job.

"No, it's... it's okay. I just... I never talk about my family. My father, my mother and my younger sister were all killed in a fire about four years ago. That's all there's to know about it, I guess." she shrugged here shoulders, as if it was not a big thing, removing Nikki's hand in the process.

"I... I'm so sorry." she stated with great sympathy, not knowing what else to say or how to respond to something so tragic and unfortunate.

"Don't be, I've moved on and, besides, the only person I truly miss is my sister, to hell with the other two." she mumbled and picked up where she had left off only a minute ago, sweeping the floor thoroughly to get rid of any dirty bedding. She then looked up at Nikki's shocked face, regretting that she said anything in the first place. "Um, it's complicated."

"No kidding." the dark haired woman softly mumbled and resumed her own task at hand. "Seems like the complicated has reached a complication." she joked, halfheartedly, but was relieved to see a small smile on Amanda's lips in return. "Just let me know if you want to unload or talk about it. I hope your girlfriend is giving you all the support you need."

"Oh, she is, you have no idea. I'm so blessed and I don't know what I ever did to deserve her." Amanda smiled as she thought about her girlfriend, how attentive, caring, loving and compassionate she always was, never failing to offer Amanda what she needed. It warmed her heart when the image of Olivia's beautiful face appeared in her vision.

"I can tell." Nikki stated with mirth, noticing the big grin on her friend's face. "I'm sure she thinks the same way about you too. Sharon and I have been together for almost five years now and I can't imagine my life without her in it."

"Well, hopefully you will never have to."

The door was unlocked when Amanda returned to the apartment, which was quite unusual since Olivia had a late shift today. Opening the door fully, the light from the sitting room reached her eyes and she was immediately on high alert, wondering who was inside and why. When she heard the faint noise from the tv in the background she calmed down, realizing that it must be Olivia.

"Hello! Olivia?" she gently called out but there was no answer. Shifting slowly towards the couch, following the sound of the news playing on channel four, she spotted the tall brunette, already in her pajamas, lying on the couch asleep. Frowning in worry, she reached out and brushed brown hair away from a puckered forehead, relieved when there was no fever present. "Hey, Liv, you okay?"

"Hmm." moaning, the older woman opened her eyes, squinting at the harsh light but tried to offer her girlfriend a smile. "Hey, how was your first day? I was going to call you but I guess I fell asleep." she struggled to sit up but managed with Amanda's help.

"Are you okay? I thought you had the late shift today." concern filled her voice and she glanced at the coffee table, noticing a glass of water and a bottle of pain relievers nearby. "Headache?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." Olivia muttered and rubbed her temples. "Fin sent me home a couple of hours ago. I'm doing a bit better now though, the meds are kicking in, I guess."

"I'm sorry you're feeling shitty. What can I do? Did you have dinner? I can make us something nice if you're feeling up to eating? What would you like?"

"Whoa!" Liv chuckled lightly "Too many questions. Why don't we just order some take out? I feel like pizza, what do you say?" Amanda nodded, she also loved pizza. "Great, right now I need a hug from my favourite person and then you can tell me all about your first day at work while we eat." they snuggled on the couch for a while. Amanda rubbing Olivia's temples gently, wanting to provide with some sort of relief or comfort, while Frannie placed her chin on the Lieutenant's knee, looking up at her with her big brown eyes, knowing that something wasn't right.

"Your other mommy is sick, sweetie, but we'll make her feel better in no time. Or at least I hope some pizza will. I'll place the order, you just stay there and look pretty." she winked and kissed her forehead tenderly.

Olivia watched her girlfriend as she exited the living room, proud and happy that she was coming out of her shell a bit and that she seemed comfortable enough to place a take away order and show physical and emotional closeness. To many people, watching someone placing an order didn't seem like a big deal but Olivia knew that, if a person had gone through what Amanda had endured, most of them would be very withdrawn, physically, emotionally and psychologically. So, yes, witnessing Amanda calling in their pizza order made her heart swell and her head was suddenly not pounding ruthlessly anymore.

Frannie was delighted when all the pizza crust was being shipped her way, devouring the cooked dough as if it was her first meal in a long long time. "She certainly has an appetite." Liv chuckled and drained the last bit of soda from her can.

I think every dog has an appetite, especially when it comes to human food. When I was little, and allowed, I sometikes had dinner at a friend's house. They had a dog who use to hide under the table during meal times and if I didn't like the food I would secretly feed the dog so no one would notice that I wasn't eating."

"That's my girl." Liv grinned and gave Amanda a playful slap on the arm. "Sneaky, I like it. Wait a minute! Is this going to be a problem if I decided to cook for us?" her eyes narrowed as she studied Amanda's facial expression.

"I think your cooking would be a problem in itself." the young blonde shot back, grinning proudly at her quick comeback.

Gasping loudly, causing Frannie to jerk her head up and let out a bark, Liv slowly moved closer to Amanda, a mischievous smirk on her face. "What did you just say? Take that back, young lady or I'll tickle you." she didn't really wait for Amanda to protest before her fingers had begun to gently poke Amanda's sides, causing her to shriek and squeal in laughter, her arms flailing and legs kicking, even Frannie seemed to think it was amusing as her tail was violently wagging.

"Okay, I take it back, I take it back." Amanda shrieked in delight but Olivia seemed to have other plans as she moved her fingers underneath her arms tickling the most sensative area. Tears of laughter streamed down her flushed cheeks and her stomach was now hurting from laughing so hard. Not seeing another way out if this, she suddenly locked her lips with Olivia's, kissing her long and hard and the tickling came to an abrupt halt. It didn't take long for the kiss to deepen and tongues danced and swirled around each other, teasing, tasting and exploring.

Olivia almost gasped in surprise when the small blonde suddenly ended up in her lap, straddling her while never breaking their passionate liplock. Her body was quickly overheating, her headache now completely diminished and the tingling feeling of arousal began to spread to the lower parts of her body, pooling in her panties but she knew that she had to adjust to Amanda's speed, her wants and her needs. Getting carried away would not do any of them any good.

Amanda had unknowingly started to rock her hips in a steady rythm and Olivia had to force herself not to grab onto the moving pelvis and push her against her thigh to help with some added friction. Instead, she kept her hands on Amanda's sides, moving them gently up and down, stroking her tenderly for several minutes before the blonde finally pulled away, her eyes dark and foggy with arousal. "You okay?" Liv asked while smiling, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

Grunting in frustration, Amanda carefully removed herself from her comfortable position and slumped back down onto the couch with a sigh. "If okay means hot and bothered then, yeah, I'm okay."

Olivia chuckled lovingly and pulled her in for a hug. "Oh sweetie! Are you in need of a cold shower? I know I am. That was... that was... wow!"

Groaning, she clenched her legs together to try and ease some of the throbbing and pulsating sensation but the seam of her jeans pressed against her swollen clit and it made the whole situation worse. "Okay, I really need a shower, a very very cold shower."

As she got up from the couch, Olivia took a hold of her left hand to stop her from going anywhere. "Would you like some company? I could wash your back if you'd like?" she wasn't serious but it was fun to see the shocked and bothered facial expression on Amanda's face, as if Olivia had just suggested something strictly forbidden, something very secretive that was not allowed to even be spoken about.

"I... I... I'm... I mean,... Damn! I'm leaving now." she stuttered and briskly walked out of the room, leaving a giggling Olivia and a confused Frannie behind.

It eased the Lieutenant's mind that they had been so physically close and affectionate towards each other during the past couple of weeks and it was great progress that was going in the right direction. Was it hard to not act on her heated intimate feelings? Absolutely, but she would never risk doing anything that could cause harm or damage to their relationship. This was as far as they had come on a sexual level and Olivia was relieved that Amanda seemed to have taken it so well. There was no way she would risk anything to jeopardize this.

She smiled and chuckled to herself as she heard the water being switched on and wondered if Amanda was indeed having a cold shower as she had stated. Images of the naked blonde touching herself under the spray of water popped into her line of vision and she tried desperately to push them aside, feeling as if she was doing something bad, almost criminal by having such thoughts. Groaning, she glanced over at Frannie, who had started to drift off into a doggie slumber, and thought for a minute before she began talking to the dog.

"I think I'm falling for your mommy. She's a very special woman and I'm proud to know her. I know you don't understand me but I just had to say it out loud, you know. Sometimes saying something out loud is scary because it makes it feel so real and, truth to be told, it does make it real and there's no going back from that. I just hope she feels the same way, what do you think?" Frannie didn't even bother to pick her head up and made no effort to move her ears to indicate that she was listening. Instead, she yawned widely, sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "Thanks buddy, you're a great listener."

"How's the head?" the blonde queried as they laid side by side on Olivia's bed, facing each other with Frannie now at the far end by their feet, fast asleep.

Olivia had no choice but to take a cold shower herself after Amanda had finished. The nearly freezing water had caused her headache to form again and her whole body was cool to the touch. A bit too cool. "I'll live. At least I'm not as um,... worked up as before." she admitted sheepishly and listened to Amanda's ringing laughter. "Id rather have a headache than being... hot and borthered."

"You mean horny?" the blonde chuckled heartedly, watching Olivia roll her eyes and blush.

"So crass but I like it."

Wiggling her eyebrows, Amanda scooted closer and began kissing the Lieutenant in the same fashion as earlier, a smile creeping up on her lips as she heard Olivia moan in a mixture or pleasure and frustration. "Manda, please! You're killing me here. We have to stop... I have to stop!"

Pulling away, the younger woman peered down at the stunning brunette beneath her. "There's more where that came from, Lieutenant."

"Oh god!"


	16. Chapter 16

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 16

 **This chapter will contain explicit scenes of molestation between father and daughter. If this upsets you then don't read. To everyone who has reviewed my story, chapter after chapter, thank you so much for your support and for sticking with me. Here comes the next chapter!**

There was a pain in her back as he pinned her to the floor. A heavy weight rested upon her chest, restricting her breathing to a point where she thought she would pass out any second. The rotten panting breaths invaded her sense of smell and she almost regurgitated but managed to push the sudden urge away. His hands were everywhere, clutching, clawing, grasping desperately at her breasts and the button of her jeans, tugging forcefully at the material while he grunted disgustingly into her face.

"You're mine, Amanda. You will always be mine." he whispered, his rough and stubbled face rubbing against her soft skin, leaving small red marks around her mouth and chin from his forceful kisses. "God, you taste so good. Let's see if your other lips tastes just as sweet. Be a good girl for daddy and lie still."

Roughly, he pulled her jeans down her hips before ripping them off completely, her panties getting stuck in the material and she was instantly naked from her waist down. "Now, let daddy see how beautiful you are, baby. Spread your legs for me. Spread them, god damn it!"

When She didn't do as she was told, she felt a large hand on the inside of each knee, forcing her wide open and he grinned and licked his lips in anticipation. "Well, my imagination never did you justice. I'm gonna make you cum so hard you'll be begging for more."

Using his fingers he stroked her up and down, licking his digits to make her wet and ready before entering her, his thumb pressed against her clitoris as he pumped in and out in a fast rhythm. "Oh, yeah, baby! You like that, don't you? I can feel how wet you're getting, you dirty slut."

Amanda tried to break free from his strong hold but there was no use since he was a big bulky man. She knew it would be over soon but that didn't make things easier. He never did last long. As he removed his fingers, she braced herself against the inevitable pain that always followed as he forcefully insert his member inside of her, thrusting hard and fast. The tears and mucous had started to dry on her face, creating a stiff and crusty feeling as she shut her eyes tightly, praying that he would finish.

She could feel that he was close and she tried to relax her muscles to ease the pain but she suddenly became aware of a disturbing sensation, a warm tingling in the pit of her stomach and, to her horror, it grew. No! There was no way she was gonna let _that_ happen to her! Not with him, not now, not ever! Desperately, she began to struggle beneath him, turning her body from side to side, trying to worm herself out of his grasp, out feom underneath him and out from this whole situation. However, he only laughed and picked up the speed of his painful thrusts and Amanda could feel him getting harder by the second, knowing that it wouldn't take long before he would spill his load.

As he grew harder inside of her, that familiar warm and tingly feeling returned but this time it was stronger and before she knew it she was too far gone to try and stop it. She felt herself stiffen with fear, terror and shock before her body betrayed her and began to shake and twitch with involuntary spasms of unwanted pleasure. "No, no, no, no, no!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, crying and sobbing hysterically as she came crashing down and one last shiver washed over her body as he roughly pulled out, panting and sweating.

"No, no, no, no!" she curled up onto her side, pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her hands between her legs, now shivering from cold, despair and shame.

"Amanda!? Amanda, please open your eyes, sweetie. Everything is okay, you're safe. You're safe now."

Where did that voice come from? That soft and loving voice. Who did it belong to? What was going on? Snapping her eyes open, she came face to face with a worried Olivia who was leaning over her, rubbing her back gently with one hand and stroking her damp and flushed face with the other. Olivia was here. Olivia would keep her safe. She would keep her safe. "Easy, shhh, take a breath, sweetheart, take a long deep breath for me."

The soft soothing voice had little effect but at least now she was fully awake and realized that it was only a bad dream, or a bad memory that she would do anything to get rid of. The stickiness between her legs pooled in her panties and there was a dull ache deep inside. "I'm... I'm bleeding... I'm bleeding." she whimpered and curled up into a ball on the floor, her hands still clutching her groin.

Olivia felt sick to her stomach at Amanda's horrid words and the sight of the small blonde holding herself in such a way broke her heart. Gently she began to guide the trembling arms away from their current position and was surprised at how stiff and rigid they were. "You're not bleeding, sweetheart. I promise you, you're not bleeding. You were having a nightmare and you fell out of bed due to all the tossing and turning. It was just a dream, baby, everything is okay. Come on, ease up for me, you're safe now, I promise."

She wasn't bleeding? But what else could describe the warm sticky sensation in her panties? What else could it be, if not blood then... No! No way, it couldn't be, could it? Was she aroused? Had the terribly frightening nightmare, about her own father raping her, cause her to feel wet and aroused? The possibility of it crashed down over Amanda like a ton of bricks and she was left breathless and nauseous. "Oh god!" she whimpered, clasped a hand over her mouth and quickly got to her feet, close to tripping over her own legs as she sprinted towards the bathroom.

For a second, Olivia didn't know what was going on because everything happened so quickly and she couldn't seem to grasp the current event playing out right before her eyes. Although, when she heard Amanda's retching noise emitting from the bathroom, she was instantly kicked into action. The blonde was on her knees, in front of the toilet, one hand trying to hold her hair back as the other was wrapped around her middle, heaving violently, gasping for air.

Olivia gently removed Amanda's clammy hand from her hair and replaced it with her own, rubbing her sweaty and trembling back with the other, hoping it would pass soon as she hated to see her girlfriend in such pain. When she was finished, when there was nothing left in her stomach to throw up except for bile, Liv helped her to the sink so she could rinse her mouth and wash her clammy and damp face with some cold water. "Feeling a bit better, sweetie?" Olivia whispered in such a low and loving voice that it brought tears to her pale blue eyes and her throat started to smart from holding in the tears that were slowly beginning to form. Not trusting her voice, she nodded, while taking a deep and shaky breath.

Brushing damp bangs away from a sweaty forehead, Olivia frowned in concern. "It must have been a really scary dream for you to react the way you did, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it? It helps."

"No!" Amanda quickly replied, too quickly for it to be convincing but she hoped that Olivia would just let it go. "No, I... I'm fine, I'm okay." the trembling in her voice, however, told a different story, a story of fear, pain and despair.

"You're not fine honey, but okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But I do think we should get you into a dry pair of pajamas, you're soaked almost all the way through and it can't be comfortable." she slowly guided her back into the bedroom and lowered her down onto the bed, in a seated position while Liv dug through one of the drawers and picked out a soft cotton top and pants that would hopefully do the trick.

"Do you want me to help or will you be okay changing on your own? I'm only asking because I can see how tired and upset you are. Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine." Amanda replied in an exhausted whisper and Liv really had to concentrate on what she was saying to hear properly.

"I'll give you a few minutes to change, okay? In the meantime, I'm gonna get you a glass of water and check on Frannie. She got quite nervous when you started screaming in your sleep, I'm sure she's fine, though."

Left to her own devices for a little while, Amanda began to discard the soaking pajamas that was now clinging onto her like a second skin. Knowing that she had no control of the contents of her dreams, she still felt disgusting for having such a sick, twisted and deranged nightmare about the most horrid experience of her life only to be woken up with the feeling of arousal. She could still feel the warm stickiness in the juncture of her thighs, pooling in her panties even though she desperately tried to stop it but her body had experienced an orgasm in her dream state and the aftermath of it was now evident.

Sick to her stomach for letting it happen, she suddenly felt a tremendous need to shower, to wash off any traces of bodily fluids, to scub her skin red raw until it bled so she could get rid of her father's touch and smell. She entered the bathroom once again and walked straight into the shower, turning it on without checking the temperature of the water before she took a step forward, submerging her whole body underneath the ice cold spray of the showerhead.

She gasped at the freezing water as it hit her warm skin, creating a stark contrast between hot and cold. Immediately, she picked up the scrubbing brush and roughly began to rub it up and down every surface of her body she could think of, needing to get him off of her, to leave her alone. The freezing temperature caused her fingers to turn stiff and eventually they were practically useless. She repeatedly dropped the brush onto the floor of the shower, picked it up only to drop it again, her frozen digits close to non functional. "Damn it!" she muttered between clenched teeth, her small frame now shuddering from the cold water and her lips were slowly turning blue.

"Amanda?" there was a knock on the door. "Amanda, you okay? Can I come in?"

The younger woman tried to recall if she had locked the door or not but she simply couldn't remember because she had entered the shower in such a hurry, not thinking about anything else but to feel clean again. She turned the water off and just stood there, completely naked, her skin angry red from the hard brush and the icy water and she shook so violently she thought she would collapse any second if it didn't ease up soon.

"Amanda, answer me or I'll open this door myself, one way or another. Please honey, I just want to know if you're alright." Liv listened intensely for an answer but got none and after calling out again, with the same results, her worry and concern got the better of her and she gave the door handle a firm tug and breathed a sigh of relief when it opened fully.

She had expected the room to be misty and steamed, considering the length of time the blonde had been in there, but to her surprise it wasn't. Instead, the temperature inside the small tiled bathroom seemed to have dropped a couple of degrees since last time she had been in there. "Amanda?" she could make out the naked form of the younger woman through the frosted glass, standing there with her arms wrapped around her middle and Olivia could almost hear the shattering of Amanda's teeth as she shivered from the cold. Grabbing a large towel from the linen closet, Liv got ready to slide the door open. "Amanda, I'm gonna open the sliding door. If you don't want me to, then say so now." nothing. "Okay, I'm coming in."

The air seemed even colder inside the small cubicle and she let out a shuddering gasp. Her eyes then immediately focused on Amanda who was standing in front of her, soaking wet, her lips blue, shaking like a leaf in a storm with a vacant look on her face. "Oh my...! Amanda! What are you doing to yourself?" she sounded firm, almost angry but that was not her intention. She had simply been worried about the blonde and she realized now that it had scared her which caused her to lash out. Biting her tongue, knowing that Amanda didn't need to hear her bitter tone right now, she stepped inside the shower and quickly wrapped the large fluffy towel around the shivering shoulders, gasping again as her hand came in contact with Amanda's icy skin.

"You silly girl. Come on, I'll help you back to bed, honey." the short distance from the bathroom to the bed took double the time since Amanda had a hard time walking and getting her stiff and ice cold muscles to work in her favour. When they were both seated, on the edge of the king sized bed, Olivia immediately wrapped the blankets around her, removing the damp towel and began to dry her soaking blonde locks with it instead, thinking it must be more comfortable to lie down with somewhat dry hair than dripping wet.

"What were you thinking, honey? I don't mind you having a shower, you can have one whenever you want, but I do mind that the temperature was so low that it caused you to end up in this state. You're shaking like crazy, sweetheart, your lips are blue and your skin is like ice. What were you thinking?" she repeated once more as she gently worked the towel through her drenched tresses, hoping she would get the worst of it out and help Amanda to warm up quicker. "Tell me." she urged softly.

"I ju.. just wanted to... to fe... feel cl... clean. I wa... s di... dirty." she stuttered between shudders and violent involuntary spasms.

"I can understand the need and urge to shower after such a volatile and intruding dream but you are clean honey, you are clean, you're not dirty or disgusting in any way." Liv was gently rubbing the towel over her hair one last time, satisfied with the results.

"I felt disgu... disgusted by my... myself. I didn't mean for it to... to... happen. I couldn't sto... stop it." her tears were flowing steadily and so was her nose, causing her to sniffle over and over until Liv began to dry her face and nose with a tissue from her bedside locker.

"Stop what, honey? What didn't you mean for to happen?"

The soothing voice of Olivia made her feel like she could tell this woman anything, without being afraid of judgement or being ridiculed but there was a part of her that was ashamed of what her body had experienced during the nightmare and the aftermath of it. She felt pure and utterly disgusted. "My... my body betrayed me. I... I couldn't make it sto... stop. I didn't want it to happen, not with... with him. Please, just make it go away." she hid her face in her hands and cried raw and gut wrenching sobs that could easily be heard by the neighbors but Olivia didn't care about the neighbors, she cared about Amanda.

As the blonde's words sunk into her brain, it dawned on her what Amanda had meant by 'my body betrayed me' and she then understood the contents of the dream. As Liv had tried to wake her up from the terrifying nightmare ealier, she had seen Amanda's body tense up for a second before it started to tremble and convulse while screaming the word 'no' over and over again. Now she knew what had happened and her heart sank as she lovingly brought the hysterical woman close to her chest, cuddling her beneath the covers and did her best to avoid touching any naked skin in sensitive areas.

"Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry, so very sorry that you're going through this. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again; what happened to your body now and back then wasn't your fault. It's a reflex, a normal, understandable and simple reflex. Nothing more, nothing less." she cooed softly into a nearby ear. "You had a dream about your father, didn't you? About when your body experienced an orgasm?" Olivia needed a validation. The anger and hatred for this man ran deep in her veins but she needed to stay strong and calm for Amanda.

The crying blonde couldn't verbally give her the simple answer that she needed to hear but nodded her head instead, curled up into a tight ball inside Olivia's warm and safe arms and began to rock her body back and forth as if she was in a trance like state. "I just want it to stop."

"I know, baby, I know. We'll make it stop, okay? We'll make it stop. Come on, sweetheart, lie down with me." she quietly urged.

"I... I have to get dressed." Amanda stated in a tired but also slightly fearful voice, afraid of lying naked next to Olivia.

"You don't have to, sweetie, but if you want to, then I understand."

The warmth and comfort of the blankets and the soft body next to her made it impossible for her to get up and cloth herself. She knew she was safe with Olivia. She would never hurt her or do anything to make her uncomfortable in any way but she was still scared of her father even though he was now locked up for a long long time to come. There was no way he could hurt her now. She was afraid of seeing him in her dreams.


	17. Chapter 17

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 17

It was going to be a rocky night for the two women but especially for Amanda who could barely close her eyes, aftaid of another onslaught of nightmares that would surely reveal their ugly face. Every time she was on the brink of falling asleep, her body would suddenly jerk itself awake as the image of the most evil and vile man entered her vision and she would whimper in response, causing Olivia to wake every time it happened.

"I'm so sorry. I know you have work in the morning and you need your sleep. I'll go to the spare room." Amanda mumbled tiredly and began to scoot away from the warm and comfortable body next to her.

Carefully, Liv wrapped an arm around her middle and pulled her against her side, guiding her head back onto her shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. I don't want you to lie in there on your own feeling scared. I want to be here for you."

She was exhausted. Amanda was right, she did need her sleep but not for the sake of leaving the blonde on her own in her current state. There was no chance of that happening. Instead, she tucked the blankets tightly around the still naked form, glad that it was now finally warm to the touch after the icy shower she had taken earlier. "Just try to relax and focus on your breathing, in and out, in and out." she whispered while stroking blonde soft locks, trying to calm the lingering storm inside Amanda. "Every time you exhale, I want you to sink further down into the mattress. Your body will turn heavier with each breath, your eyes will eventually start to close and your mind will clear itself from your fears. Feel my hand on your chest," Liv carefully placed her palm over Amanda's heart. "listen to my breathing and try to copy it. You're safe here, you're safe here."

The rich alto voice did it's magic and Amanda slowly began to relax with every breath, just as Olivia had instructed, until a loud clattering noise suddenly jerked her awake one more time and she screamed, cowered into a foetal position with her hands blocking her ears. Liv had never seen Amanda this bad before and she was beginning to think that she might have to take her to a hospital but she knew that the blonde would only protest and refuse to go so she reluctantly pushed that thought aside.

The noise had come from outside, probably teenagers messing about, smashing a glass bottle onto the ground followed by loud and obnoxious hollering and laughter. Olivia was at a loss of what to do. She didn't know what else she could do for Amanda to help her calm down and it was extremely difficult to watch. The covers had slipped from the blonde's toned shoulders and, since she was still completely naked underneath, she gently brought them back up, caressing Amanda's terrified face in a loving fashion. "Easy, sweetheart! Shhh, it's just kids from outside. You're safe here with me, I'll keep you safe and so will Frannie."

Liv's words of comfort didn't seem to have much effect and she knew she had to calm her down soon before it got completely out of hand. "Why don't we go into the livingroom and watch some tv? It might help to keep your mind on something else for a while and maybe you'll eventually fall asleep. I'll make us some tea." she softly suggested, hoping that the other woman would take her up on the offer, not knowing how else she could help.

"I can go by myself. You need your sleep, besides I'm off tomorrow." she argued weakly, knowing that Olivia would be next to useless at work with no sleep.

"Not a chance, honey. I'm not leaving you alone right now and that's final. It's just one day of work and then we'll have the entire weekend off together." she got out of bed and playfully tossed a pair of pajamas right in Amanda's face. "Come on, get your naked butt into these and meet me in the livingroom. Let's see what shitty tv they decide to air at this time of night. Maybe something with parental guidence." she mused and winked before she strutted down towards the kitchen.

Amanda got dressed but still brought the covers with her for extra warmth and comfort and she was glad that she did. Even though she was tightly wrapped up in Olivia's strong arms, she couldn't help but to shiver from time to time from just listening to the icy wind, that had picked up in the last hour or so, and also the freezing shower she had been stupid enough to take not that long ago.

Olivia had been right. The programs that aired in the middle of the night were shocking but jt didn't really matter as long as the cheap and awful shows kept her mind from drifting to darker places. She was actually finding the entertainment quite amusing in a way because it was so badly made and she wondered who on earth would actually stay awake to watch these horrendous and low budget movies and shows at this time of night. Liv had raised an eyebrow at Amanda's comment but didn't get a chance to say anything before she answered her own question. "Yeah, we're awake watching it, I know."

After almost an hour of flipping through channels and cringing at bad acting, Amanda could feel the arms around her middle were loosening their usually firm hold and eventually they went completely slack. Glancing up at the brunette, she smiled softly at the peaceful expression on Olivia's face, her eyes travelling from slightly parted full lips to the smooth surface of her tanned neck and throat, feeling a strong urge to place her own lips against the thumping pulse point and trace the skin with her tongue. She was breathtakingly beautiful, awake or asleep.

Flicking through the endless selection of channels, she somehow, accidentally, pressed the wrong button and the screen was suddenly filled with two competely naked women, kissing and touching each other in very private places. Immediately, she felt a rush of warmth in the lower part of her stomach and it eventually travelled even further south, desire pooling in her black lace panties. As she continued to watch the female couple fondle one another in such an erotic and lustful way, she became aware that her breathing had turned heavy and ragged and she could feel a deep shade of pink creeping up on her face, causing hot flushes to occur.

The spreading warmth between her legs had grown so intense that she had to clench her legs and slowly rock her hips to get some friction to the area that needed it most. She hadn't been this horny since she was a teenager, in school, secretly checking out her science teacher's ass as she walked down the narrow isle between the rows of desks. She was never any good at science which was probably because all her attention was focused on the perfectly toned behind of Miss Ashton but she did pass the subject due to immaculate attendance which was good enough for Amanda.

As the couple on the screen were now burrowed deep between each other's legs moaning and groaning like there was no tomorrow, their lower limbs spread so wide Amanda could literally see everything, she could no longer supress a moan herself from slipping through her tight throat. Immediately, she covered her mouth with her hand, afraid that she had woken the slumbering Lieutenant next to her but, by the look on her face, she still seemed as peaceful as she did a minute earlier.

Turning down the volume slightly, as to not wake Olivia, she slowly slipped her hand underneath the wasteband of her pajama bottoms and instantly felt the wet heat on the fabric of her underwear. She almost withdrew her hand completely, shocked and surprised at how wet she actually was but the need to be touched and stimulated outweighed everything else. She brought her fingers back again, slowly rubbing her clit through her panties, her digits turning damp from dripping arousal.

Spreading her legs slightly wider for better access, she gently pushed the nearly drenched material to the side and slid a finger up and down through her slik folds, gliding over the sensitive bud and her breathing hitched when she felt how engorged and swollen she was.

"This is definitely rated as a PG movie."

The voice startled her and she immediately removed her hand from it's current position, so fast one could've easily missed it if not paying close attention. Her face turned beet red with embarrassment of being caught watching porn and having her hand down her pants, touching herself in a sexual way while Olivia was sleeping right next to her. Amanda just hoped and prayed that she hadn't seen her fast and quite obvious retraction.

"I... IsomehowpressedthewrongbuttonandallofasuddenthisappearedonthescreenandI..."

"Wow! Easy, I didn't even understand half of what you just said." Olivia interrupted, pushing herself up into a more comfortable position, stretching her back. "I watch porn sometimes." She calmly admitted. "It's been a while since last time I watched it but I do enjoy it on occasion." she glanced over at Amanda's bright red face, feeling a bit sorry for her as her distress was so obvious that even a blind person would cringe at the sight. "Don't be embarrassed, honey." she rubbed Amanda's shoulder gently, trying to ease her tension. "Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable?"

Olivia's mild and caring voice made her heart beat faster and she could feel her face turn even more red, if that was possible. "I... I haven't really talked about it with anyone before." she shyly confessed as she lowered her gace and did her best to ignore the passionate noises coming from the television. "I mean, I... I spoke to Kim about it when she got old enough to understand it but I... I never... I have never actually had... um,... had sex with anyone other than... um,... you know."

"Honey," the brunette leaned forward and cupped the flushed face between her hands and looked Amanda dead in the eye. "that was not sex. That was rape and I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. So so sorry." she kissed the clammy forehead softly and turned her gace to the screen. "Are you enjoying it?" she gently queried and wiggled her eyebrows in a playful fashion. Rolling her eyes, Amanda hid her face in her hands and groaned in embarrassment, hearing Olivia chuckle. "It's okay, Amanda, don't hide away. I'm enjoying it, well,... I'm _really_ enjoying it. A bit too much. Maybe we should turn it off."

"No!" Amanda stopped the older woman from reaching over and grab the remote. "I mean... I... yeah... yeah, turn it off, I guess." she stuttered, not knowing what else to say.

Offering Amanda a tender smile, Liv held her hands up, indicating that she wasn't going to change the channel or turn the tv off if Amanda didn't want her to. "I'll leave it on for another while then. Just tell Frannie to block her ears and her eyes. This is not appropriate for someone who's underage." she joked, drawing a faint smile from the hot and bothered young blonde.

They watched in silence as the two women on the screen spread themselves wide open for everyone to see, leaving nothing for the imagination, and Amanda was getting more and more frustrated and hot. She was so turned on that she was afraid she'd leave a wet patch, on the cushion where she sat, if she stood up. "You doing okay there, Amanda?" Liv asked in a teasing tone but kept it low and soft. "You look a bit... flustered."

"I'm okay." she squeaked, too embarrassed to look the brunette in the eye.

Olivia scooted a bit closer on the couch, the outside of their thighs touching. "Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

Nodding her head slowly, she turned slightly and their lips met in a warm and soft gentle kiss, tasting, exploring and full care and maybe even love. Liv roped her arms around the small body and pulled her closer, almost into her lap, but kept the kiss slow and tender in case Amanda wanted to pull away, not wanting her to feel trapped or forced in any way. Just as they pulled away, for a much needed breath of air, one of the two women on the tv screamed and announced that she was cumming, her hips jerking wildly in the air as the other continued the delicate torture of her tongue, buried deep between her legs.

"Oh god!" Amanda groaned and felt her face turn beet red once again. Watching the other woman cum on the large tv screen had caused a wave of wetness rushing to her groin area and she had to clench her legs to get some much needed friction onto her swollen and pulsating clit.

"Honey," Olivia stated softly. "If you need some time to... you know, sort yourself out, then I've got a few things in the bottom drawer of my nightstand, some toys that you can use."

Amanda snapped her head around, facing the brunette who was acting like it was the most natural thing in the world, which it was, but not for Amanda. "What?! No! I'm okay, besides we should probably try to get some sleep. You have work in the morning and I don't want to be the reason for your sleep deprivation but I guess that's too late since I've already kept you up half the night." she grumbled, beating herself up over keeping Olivia awake.

"Honey, you're not keeping me up. I'm a bad sleeper anyway, always have been. If me being awake helps you in any way then I'll gladly do it." reaching out her hand, she waited for Amanda to grab a hold of it before turning off the tv and guided them both into the bedroom and under the covers. Amanda was too worked up, too flustered and too tense to sleep. Instead, she lay awake as the erotic and wanton images of the two naked women from the tv screen invaded her thoughts and filling her senses.

Hesitantly, she turned to her side, facing Olivia, reached her arm out and wrapped it around the Lieutenant's waist, her hand slipping in underneath her pajama top, mesmerized by the softness of the older woman's warm skin. She flexed her fingers against the smooth surface and then began to rub small circles with her thumb over Olivia's ribs, needing to feel as much as she possibly could of this incredible woman. "That's nice." Liv mumbled, a faint smile creeping up on her lips as she turned her head to look at the blonde. "Are we getting a bit frisky?" she lightly giggled but felt quite bad when Amanda retracted her hand and apologized for being so forward in her actions.

Liv stopped her from moving her hand away from where it was currently placed and scooted slightly closer. "Hey, sweetie, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You can touch me anywhere, anytime." with that statement, Amanda resumed her soft motion and ventured further out, her fingers gracing Olivia's hip bone, then wandering upwards, lightly touching the soft skin underneath her left breast, hearing her hiss from surprised pleasure in response. "That's... that's really _really_ nice."

Suddenly, Amanda became unsure and slightly scared. She didn't know what she was doing but it felt like the most natural thing in the world to be touching Olivia in this intimate way. Her face turned into a frown of uncertainty and fear, not sure what to do next or how to proceed from here. "You okay, sweetheart? What's wrong?" Liv's gentle voice interrupted her thoughts and she was met with deep brown concerned eyes.

"I... I'm not... I mean, I don't know how to... I... I'm afraid I'll do something that you won't like. I... I've never really done this before. I mean, I have but it was never consensual." she stuttered, feeling her face go red again and her heart began to beat wildly in her chest. "I don't want to disappoint you." she whispered as tears welled up in her eyes, hid her face in her hands and released a shuddering breath.

"Oh sweetheart! You could never disappoint me." she soothed and held her arms out. "Come here, let me hold you for awhile." she waited until Amanda was settled inside her secure embrace before speaking again. "What you just did to me, what your hands just did to me, felt absolutely amazing and there's no pressure to do anything you're not ready for." she kissed the blonde locks underneath her chin, wiping the silent tears as they fell.

"But my body is ready." Amanda stated in a frustrating tone. " _So_ ready." she added before realizing what she had just said and her face grew even redder, if that was physically possible. "Oh god, I'm so embarrassed." she groaned and, this time, hid her face in the crook of Olivia's neck, inhaling the comforting and soothing scent of the woman she had grown so close to, learnt to trust and lean on.

The Lieutenant smiled gently, even though Amanda couldn't see her face, and rubbed her hand soothingly up and down the blonde's back, feeling the intense heartbeats underneath her palm. "Don't be embarrassed, sweetie. Your body is simply responding to what you saw earlier. It's the most natural thing in the world and it's a healthy response."

"Why aren't you experiencing a _healthy_ response? You don't seem to be so... hot and bothered." Amanda grumbled into Olivia's warm skin.

"Who says I'm not?" Liv chuckled.

Amanda looked up with a frown, studying the brunette's face for a few seconds before answering. "You are? But you don't seem embarrassed or frustrated by it. I feel like a horny teenager who can't control herself."

"Why should I be embarrassed?" Liv stated and shrugged her shoulders. "There's no shame in being aroused by watching two grown women having sex, plus,- I now have a very beautiful and amazingly sexy woman lying next to me in bed, making me incredibly aroused so you're not the only one who's frustrated, my lovely." she admitted softly while chuckling as Amanda groaned at her bold confession.

A couple of minutes of silence passed between the two, only the sound of their breathing and Frannie's soft snores could be heard in the room as they laid cuddled together underneath the warm covers. Amanda's arousal was only increasing by the minute as she couldn't get the erotic image of the two women out of her mind and, now, she had the fantasized image of a naked Olivia imprinted on her brain as well. She kept clenching and releasing her legs every now and then, desperate for some much needed and overdue friction on a certain delicate spot.

Sensing her distress and frustration, Liv propped herself up on one elbow and peered down at the flustered young woman, feeling slightly sorry for her. "Are you sure you don't want to use any of the toys I spoke about earlier? I can leave the room for a bit while you... tend to your needs."

Before Olivia had a chance to get up, Amanda wrapped her fingers around her wrist, keeping her from leaving. "No, please, stay." she whispered in such a hushed tone that Liv could barely make out her words. "Stay." she repeated and pulled Olivia down for a slow but sensual kiss.


	18. Chapter 18

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 18

 **AN: This chapter contains consensual explicit sexual scenes between two adult women. Don't like, don't read!**

 _"Stay."_

Amanda's whisper lingers in the room and Olivia freezes but only for a second, not sure if she had heard her right. "Are you sure? If you want space or privacy there's no problem. I can leave you alone for a bit." she reassured, wanting Amanda to be as comfortable as possible.

"I'm sure." she whispered and smiled nervously as she began to fidget with the corner of the covers. Amanda is turned on that she knows it probably won't take her long before she would reach the edge of oblivion and come crashing back down again. She needed this, wanted ot so badly she ached. It was time.

"Okay." the brunette gently whispered, leaned down and kissed the pink lips of the smaller woman, turned to her side and pulled the bottom drawer out from her nightstand. She fished around for a bit, gathering the small collection of toys and placed them on the bed so Amanda could see. "I have four different kinds. This one," she held up a medium sized pink ramping rabbit in her hand. "is quite the champ. You can insert it and place the ears on your clitoris. The vibration on this is very strong so be prepared."

Secondly, she picked up a black and gold smallish cylinder shaped object that looked like a bullet. "This is for clitorial stimulation only and it has a strong and firm vibration and it's waterproof, if you ever wanted to try it in the bath or the shower." then she picked up the third option, which was a medium sized regular dildo that looked very much like the real thing. "I've hardly ever used this one. It has no vibration so it doesn't really do anything for me, if you know what I mean, and this baby..." she held up the fourth and final toy that was strapped to a harness. "... is a strap on. You place the harness around your hips, insert the phallus and there's a little egg shaped object that goes onto your clit which has vibration, so when you thrust your hips you will also be pleasured at the same time as your partner." Olivia instructed. "So, which one would you like to try out?"

Looking at all the toys scattered on the bed, Amanda felt like a fish out of water. She had never used toys before and didn't know what to expect, although she had already made up her mind about which one she wanted. She didn't feel ready to have anything big inserted inside of her yet so that basically only left her with one option, which made it easier for her and she picked up the bullet. "Good choice." Liv stated, placed the other toys back in the drawer and turned her attention to Amanda, who was just sitting there, studying the object like it was the most foreign thing she had ever seen. "You okay, honey?" she gently queried and stroked a flushed cheek with the back of her hand.

Nodding, Amanda swallowed thickly and flipped the small button on the bullet upwards, making it vibrate strongly in her hand, so much that she got a bit of a surprise and couldn't help but to flinch at the new and sudden sensation. "How do you want to do this? Under the covers? Light on or off? Me touching you or not touching you? It's completely up to you, sweetheart. Whatever you're comfortable with."

"Um, under the covers and leave the lights off." Amanda instructed, biting her lower lip, feeling a bit nervous and unsure of herself. "I don't... I'm not sure how to go from here. I mean, I'm not... I don't... I... I..."

"Shh! Hey, sweetie, just take a breath. You don't have to do any of this if you're not ready or if you don't want to." Liv soothed while rubbing a hand up and down Amanda's arm, thinking how she could make this whole situation less awkward and embarrassing for the blonde. "Why don't I lie under the covers next to you? I'll keep my hands where you can see them and I can just kiss and hold you while you use the vibrator. Would that be less uncomfortable for you?"

Amanda agreed and was now lying flat on her back, the bullet ready in hand and Olivia was propped up on her right elbow, looking down at her with lustfilled eyes. "I'm going to kiss you and we'll play things by ear, okay?" Again, Amanda swallowed thickly while nodding her head, her heart thumping like crazy.

The kiss was slow and tender. Olivia moved her lips so softly over Amanda's, caressing and stroking her tongue along the bottom lip, hearing the blonde moan in response and deepen their liplock into a passionate and heated dance that had been set ablaze. The gentle-and tenderness that Olivia portrayed made Amanda feel more at ease, even though she was still quite withdrawn and weary in new situations, especially the one she was currently experiencing but Olivia's lips and hands made everything else fade, and all her dark memories of her father and her childhood placed on hold, just for a little while.

"Can I touch your stomach?" the Lieutenant questioned between gentle but passionate kisses, not knowing where to place her left hand which was currently hesitantly hovering above the blonde's upper body.

"Yes." Amanda whispered against the warm and soft lips, their breaths mingling, moans escaping, hips involuntary rocking. When she felt Olivia's hand sneak underneath the bottom of her pajama top, she almost came on the spot. Her abdominal muscles tensed up and contracted, her back arching and a ragged and strained breath slipped through her tight throat.

"Shhh, just relax." Olivia soothed. "I'm not going to touch you anywhere you don't want me to. I'll ask you before I do something, to make sure it's okay." Liv continued to rub small circles on Amanda's smooth and tight stomach, the warm soft skin feeling like velvet against her palm. Every muscle, every tremble and every ragged breath could be felt underneath here hand and it was the most intimate moment they had ever had so far, causing the Lieutenant's heart to swell at the amount of trust Amanda was putting on her.

Suddenly the buzzing sound of the vibrator could be heard and Olivia smiled gently against Amanda's heated and plump lips, wishing it was her hand instead of a plastic toy that would soon come in contact with the pink bundle of nerves. She felt Amanda shift underneath the covers, realizing that she was shrugging her pants and panties off so she would have no barrier between her clit and the vibrating bullet. The kiss continued in a heated dance until it suddenly came to an abrupt stop and a shuddering moan slipped through Amanda's lips, her hips and lower back lifted from the sheets and that was when Olivia knew that the buzzing bullet had been placed where it should be.

Amanda trembled and shivered and the strong vibrating contact, letting out a strangled whimper in appreciation and pleasure and tears dormed in her eyes. She felt how her own wetness had spread across the inside of her thighs, causing the bullet to slide across the most sensitive area of her body in a languid fashion, her inner walls already tightening. "I... oh my god, I... I can't..."

"Shhhh, sweetheart, just go with it. You're so beautiful, so so beautiful. Just let go whenever you're ready, I'm right here, baby, right here." Liv lifted her gace to look at the stunning woman beneath her, wringing and glowing in total pleasure of ecstasy, knowing that she was very close to cumming, and then saw her tears slowly rolling down her flushed cheeks. "Hey, shhh, it's okay!' she kissed at the salty drops that fell one after the other. "You can stop whenever you want to, there's no pressure but if it feels good, then keep going, honey. Relax and let your body do the rest." she softly soothed into a nearby ear, the hand that was resting on Amanda's quivering stomach accidentally drifted upwards and graced against the skin underneath the blonde's right breast and she heard her gasp and stiffen.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, honey, it was an accident. I won't touch you there, I promise." she quickly explained, withdrawing her hand, not wanting to scare or frighten her further.

As soon as Amanda felt the sudden and unexpected contact on her breast, she could feel herself losing control, her body rapidly reaching a state of euphoria but now, as the sudden loss of Olivia's hand on her breast, she felt as though something was missing and she needed it, craved for it, to be repositioned. "I... I cant... I... I need... I need..."

Liv was quick to sooth, afraid that she had gone too far, and onve again looked down into Amanda's now dark blue eyes and saw so many emotions playing there, not knowing what was going on or how to help. "What? What do you need, sweetheart? Tell me." she whispered, her own eyes full of concern and care.

"Y... You... I need... you." she panted between a mixture of sobs, pleasure and need, so close to orgasm but not being able to completely let go.

Olivia's heart ached as she heard those words being spoken from the woman she cared so much for, even loved, and she could barely keep her own tears at bay as she pulled Amanda's upper body close to her chest. "Oh, my sweet baby! You have me. I'm right here with you and I'm not going anywhere. Do you want to stop? I don't want you to feel..."

"No! No, I... I need you! I need your hand, please!" she wept, so aroused that she was afraid of what would happen when her body finally _did_ let go, afraid that she might explode or completely lose control of herself in the midst of perfect ecstasy.

"Okay, sweetie, okay. Where do you want my hand? What do you need me to do to help you?" she quickly asked, knowing that it must be so frustrating, perhaps even painful, for Amanda to be so close to the finishing line but not being able to cross it.

"Down... take the... bullet. I... I need you to take it and hold it. I... I can't... I need you to... to hold it, please."

"Okay, okay! Easy sweetie, I've got you." she was slightly shocked by Amanda's request since she had been so shy and reluctant to let Olivia even near that certain part of her body, but did as the blonde wished. Slowly, she reached under the covers and let her fingertips trace Amanda's arm, down all the way until she reached the juncture of her thighs and felt the heat radiating from her wet sex. "Remove your hand, I've got it." she assured, taking the bullet in her own hand and moved it slowly over the swollen clit, causing Amanda to let out a loud moan, followed by a whimper.

"That's it! Feels good, doesn't it? Really good!" while she whispered words of encouragement, she held Amanda close to her chest while her left hand was buried between the blonde's wide open legs, still underneath the covers for modesty. The body in her arms trembled almost violently and she could feel the tears on her skin as they continued to fall, wetting her pajama top. She know the blonde was only seconds away from release and she decided to give her an extra push and began to slightly shake her hand, causing more friction onto Amanda's engorged bud, moaning herself as she felt the wetness on her fingers.

"Oh my... oh god! I... I think I'm... oooh!" she cried into Olivia's neck and then it happened.

Her body stiffened for a few seconds before she came crashing down, hips wildly bucking and trembling, her breathing almost erratic and a large amount of wetness gushed out of her as she lost control, wetting the sheets and the covers as she came hard. Immediately she tried to push Olivia's hand away, mortified over what had happened to her, wanting it to stop even though it felt so incredibly good.

"No, no! It's okay!" Olivia just pulled her closer, reassuring the blonde that it was okay and that she was still there with her. "Just come for me. Don't be embarrassed, you're so so beautiful."

She quickly repositioned the bullet back onto Amanda's pulsating clit before the moment was lost and picked up the slight shaking movement of her hand, causing another gush of fluids to spill onto her hand and the bed. "Oooh!" her body jerked violently a couple of times before it fell completely slack back down onto the mattress, shaking and trembling in the aftermath of it all.

Olivia quickly turned off the vibrating device, grabbed a hold of Amanda's shoulders and pulled her close, cradling her against her chest, feeling the erratic heartbeats of the younger woman. The covers came off the lower part of Amanda's body and Liv could see her bare bottom in the dim light and she gently caressed it before pulling the blankets back up. "Shhh, easy! Relax, sweetheart. That was pretty intense, ugh?"

Amanda was a quivering mess in her arms, too weak and shaky to verbally answer but nodded nonetheless, her chest heaving against Olivia's. Smiling gently, Liv snuck her hand underneath the blonde's pajama top and began to trace lazy patterns over Amanda's well defined back with her fingertips. "You okay, sweetie? How are you feeling?"

"Embarrassed." She finally mumbled, too ashamed to look the brunette in the eye.

"But why, honey?" bending her head down slightly to get a better look at Amanda's face, she saw that her eyes were tightly shut, clearly mortified about what had happened to her body. "You had a female ejaculation and it's completely natural... and sexy." she added with a light chuckle and gave Amanda a gentle squeeze in reassurance. "I wish I could experience that."

Sevaral minutes passed in silence, both women enjoying the closeness and the warmth of each other's bodies, savoring the moment of afterglow, before Amanda broke the quietness. "I... I've never... I haven't been with a woman before and I... I can't, I mean, I'm not sure how to..."

"It's okay." Liv quickly reassured, stroking the long blonde tresses with her fingers as her other hand was wrapped around Amanda's middle. "You don't have to do anything. I'm quite happy to be where I am right now."

"But I want to." she replied in a whisper. "I want to give you what you just gave me."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up in amusement. "An orgasm?"

"No, silly. Well, yes... but it was more than just an... orgasm. You gave me so much more than that. You gave me trust, respect and safety, something I thought I'd never be able to have but you proved me wrong and I'm so thankful for that, more than you'll ever know." she finished, feeling as if a piece of herself had glued itself into it's right place and settled down.

"I'm glad, honey, but I don't want you to feel as if you have to pay it back in this very moment. I'm perfectly fine where I am, besides, we've got plenty of time to be together. I just want you to be absolutely sure, that's all." Liv insisted, hating the thought of Amanda feeling as if she was forced or pressured into giving back what she just had received.

For the first time, since she had laid her head down on Olivia's chest, she lifted herself up slightly and looked down into deep brown orbs that captured her whole being. "I haven't been so sure about anything before. I want to show you how I feel."

Slowly they once again began to kiss. Warm, soft and gentle kisses that quickly turned heated and passionate and before Olivia knew what was happening, she felt a slender hand sneaking itself down and underneath the waste band of her bottoms and panties. She gasped as soon as Amanda's fingers made contact with her swollen clit, legs spreading wider and hips pushing upwards, already begging for more. "Oh god! That feels incredible, honey. Don't stop."

Amanda had never touched another woman in this fashion before but she quickly realized that she simply loved the way Olivia felt underneath her fingers and hands. Her warm skin was like velvet, her thick dark hair felt like the finest of silk and the slippery flesh of her sex was absolutely intoxicating. She had touched herself many times to know what it felt like but sliding her fingers through someone else's wet folds, someone like Olivia, was incredible.

As her fingers rubbed small circles over the enlarged clitoris, she could hear how wet Olivia really was and, the sound of moist, sodden and tender flesh being stimulated, made her own arousal creep up again. "Does that feel good?" she whispered even though the answer was obvious.

"Oh yes, sweetheart! You make me feel incredible. You made me this wet and I know for a fact that it won't take long." she panted, thrusting her hips in the same rhythm as Amanda's moving fringes. "Oh fuck! Ahhh, right there, baby, right there, don't stop, please don't stop."

"I can't reach you properly with your clothes on. Can I take your bottoms and panties off?" she whispered in a husky voice, never stopping the movements of her hand. Liv grunted her reply and the garments were swiftly pulled down long and toned legs of the brunette and, as soon as they were gone, she spread her legs wide open to give Amanda unrestricted access.

"God, you're so hot." the younger woman mumbled as her lips worked on a smooth and chocolaty neck. "You feel so good against my fingers. So so good." spreading Olivia's lips with her index finger and ring finger, she used her middle one to gently but rapidly flicker the twitching bud and felt the body underneath her beginning to tense up and then it went completely still before she started to shake almost uncontrollably, hips shooting up so far that Amanda had a hard time to keep her hand in place.

"I'm cumming, I'm cumming! Fuck, I'm cumming!" she screamed, clenched her legs together, trapping Amanda's still moving hand as she rode out the waves of intense pleasure until she collapsed back down onto the mattress, chest heaving and sweat blooming on her forehead. "Fuck! That was incredible, sweetheart. Thank you." she pulled Amanda down for a tender kiss, feeling the blonde's naked lower limbs tangling with her own and became very aware that there were no barriers between their heated and wet sexes.

"Can I touch you?" Liv asked, wanting to pleasure Amanda once again but with her own hand this time, to feel her cum against her fingers. Without a verbal answer, Amanda placed her right leg over Olivia's thighs, giving her plenty of room to slip her hand down and in between her legs, gasping at the first contact. "That's it, baby. Feel me, feel my fingers on your clit. Move against me, sweetie. Set your own pace and I'll accommodate you. It's okay. You feel amazing, so warm and soft. So wet."

Amanda quickly worked up a rapid speed of pumping her hips over and over against the skillful digits, feeling the familiar tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach starting to build up and, before she knew what was happening, she came hard and fast, squirting out another spray of cum, soaking Olivia's hand and thighs. "Oh my god, baby! You're so beautiful, my love." her fingers teased Amanda's pulsating clit in just the right way for her to cum again and, when she did, Amanda cried out in relief, bucking wildly against the hand buried between her thighs, releasing another load of liquid onto Olivia's already soaked digits.

"That's it, sweetheart, that's it. Easy now, you're okay." she withdrew her drenched hand, feeling the warmth of the fluids that had soaked her hand, thighs and covers, mentally placing a reminder to change the sheets at some stage tomorrow. As she held the trembling and twitching body in her arms, she hoped that it wouldn't take too long before they would do it all over again but, for now, they both needed to sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 19

 **Warning for child abuse, neglect and child death. Don't read if it makes you uncomfortable or upset. Thank you all for taking your time to leave a comment, I really appreciate it. XXX**

The first two hours at the precinct Olivia was floating on clouds just thinking about last night. She had texted Amanda a couple of times, just checking in to see if she was okay or if there was any regrets from the night before, since she had left before the blonde had woken up, not wanting to disturb her peaceful slumber. Even Fin and Carisi had commented on her glowing presence and faint smiles, that seem to appear out of nowhere, at any time, at any place, without warning. They couldn't remember the last time they had seen their boss so content and happy.

Amanda had replied almost straight away, telling the brunette that last night had been amazing and that there were no second thoughts what so ever, hoping her true words would calm Olivia and help her relax and not worry so much. Immediately, after waking up, she missed the warm body next to her and wished that her girlfriend didn't have to work but the thought of them spending the weekend together made everything brighter and better. So much better.

As the morning turned into noon, the squad got a case that none of them were prepared for and her happy and glowing demeanor changed very quickly, not just herself but the whole team. A child, a little girl no more than six years old, had walked into the precinct by herself, looking pale, dirty, underweight and wearing clothes that were way too big on her small scrawny frame and resembled old rags more than anything else. The first thought that crossed Olivia's mind as she spotted the child, was how on earth could a parent let their kid out in the freezing cold in the state she was currently in but quickly pushed the thought away as she approached the little girl, realizing that she needed help straight away and had no time to waste on temporarily irrelevant thoughts and opinions.

There was something about the girl that reminded Olivia of Amanda. Perhaps it was the blonde hair and the blue shiny eyes of the little child that made her see Amanda, wondering if this is what she looked like when she was young, child that had been robbed from it's innocence, dreams and hopes, a child who was forgotten about and a child that no one cared for.

It had taken the team over an hour to figure out, to a certain extent, what was going on and roughly where the girl lived. So after driving to the area, the little girl showed them which apartment building she lived in and led them all the way to the front door. Fin gave Olivia a glance that she did very well recognize and her own thoughts matched her colleague's expression. Something was horribly wrong.

Banging on the door, Carisi announced that they were NYPD, looking for the parental or legal guardian of the little girl, who went by the name Gracie, but there was no noise, no voices or even a tv or a radio in the background. "They won't hear you." the little girl said sadly, looking down onto the floor and her worn out shoes. "They have been sleeping for a long time."

Those words sent a chill down Olivia's spine and, with a swift nod towards Fin and Carisi, they pushed the door open and was immediately hit by a strong odour that caused them all to feel sick to their stomachs. They all knew that smell. The smell of decomposition, rotting flesh and feces. "Oh my god!" Carisi suddenly stated while doing the cross sign of the father, son and the holy ghost as he walked into one of the bedrooms, almost thowing up at the horrendous sight before him.

Fin and Liv was quick to approach to where their youngest member of the squad was standing, and what they saw made their stomachs turn with such force they all started to cough and choke. Before them were five medium sized dog cages, all positioned next to each other but with at least five or six inches apart and inside them were no dogs. Four of the five cages held one child each, the fifth was empty and they all knew that it must have been Gracie's. Somehow, only god knows how, the little fair haired girl must've managed to pick the lock and escape her confinement.

While Olivia and Fin rushed to the cages to try and break the locks, Carisi was aready calling for medical assistance, telling them it was extremely urgent. Fin managed to break the lock of the first cage and immediately opened it, reached inside and pulled out the stiff body of another little girl, approximately two years of age. There was no use to check for a pulse because Fin knew that this child had been dead for quite some time and nothing would bring her back to the land of the living. Nothing.

Olivia had broken the lock on the second cage and had pulled out a limp body of a young boy, perhaps around seven or eight years of age, and checked for a pulse. She found one. It was just faint but there was one and she could feel it underneath her fingertips. Gently, she placed the boy on the floor while she went to the third cage, expecting the worst... and she was right. Another little boy, probably around the age of three or four, laid sprawled out on the bottom of the cage, on a ragged blanket, flies and bugs crawling all over his face and any exposed area of skin. It was horrendous and the urge to throw up almost became too strong, too overpowering but they had no choice but to stay professional and attentive in this very moment, there was no time for anything else.

The fourth cage had been ripped open by Carisi, who had now finished his phone call to the emergency services, checked for a pulse straight away but withdrew his hand very quickly as he felt the coolness of the child's skin against his. Gone. Three out of five children were lying dead in front of them and they could simply not understand when, how and why this had happened in the first place. Where were the parents? Who would shove a child into a cage?, where there was barely enough room to turn, and how on earth did Gracie manage to escape from her secured confinement?

When the emergency services arrived, everyone on the squad were still very rattled and would be for quite some time. They would simply not just get over something like this very easily and the images of the three frail lifeless bodies would more than likely haunt them forever.

As the medics removed the bodies in three small body bags, people outside the apartment building had started to form a crowd, curiosity getting the better of them as they followed the inevitable pull of human nature, wanting to find out what was going on. Olivia lost track of time and didn't know how much time had passed when backup arrived. Police cars pulling in to the courtyard in front of the building sirens blaring, lights flashing and Olivia caught herself feeling angry and frustrated as to why they had the sirens on? They were dead! Dead, gone, deceased! There was no need for the loud and obnoxious wailing of the patrol cars, drilling a giant hole into Olivia's brain, causing her head to throb painfully and immediately ordered for them to turn them all off. She knew that the apartment had to be processed but there was no need for all the commotion. It was too late anyway. They were all too late.

Press had already started to gather around the massive crowd of people and the Lieutenant was shocked at how fast they had gotten a whiff of what was happening. Cameras and microphones were literally shoved into her face as she passed the hungry group of vultures, dying to get their hands on this story as she elbowed her way through the mass and back to her own car, not uttering a word to anyone since she knew so very little herself.

The two surviving children had been taken to the hospital for emergency treatment and would more than likely stay there for quite some time until their health improved. When Olivia later on, back at the precinct, received the good news that the children would be alright, only then did she sit down in her chair, inside her office and let out the longest and heaviest sigh of relief, sadness and exhaustion. At least there was something good to shine through the bad and the dark memories and images of today's events but they all knew that this was not over.

Amanda had, herself, spent the majority of the morning and noon in a happy pink little bubble just thinking about the previous night and how she had pleasured Olivia until she screamed in ecstasy. Every time she thought about how wonderful it had been, she broke into a goofy smile, her face would turn red and she could feel a familiar heat lingering in her nether regions. She had taken Frannie for an extra long walk since the weather was nice, cold but still bright and clear. When she got back, into the warm apartment, she sent Liv a text, asking how her day was going and if she knew roughly what time she would be home so she could start preparing dinner. However, that was now about four hours ago and she had heard nothing back.

In her rational and practical mind, she knew for sure that Olivia must be too busy to even look at her phone or else she would've sent her a reply. Not thinking much if it at first, she continued with her cleaning, changed the bed sheets, after their love making session the night before, and started dinner, which only took about twenty minutes to prepare and then she found herself pacing back and forth again with an uncomfortable gnawing feeling in the back of her mind. Was this what it was like to be worried about someone? Was this what it was like to be in a relationship, not knowing what the significant other was up to, especially when that person had such a dangerous job as Olivia? Was this what everyday was going to look and feel like?

She sighed deeply and rubbed her hands over her face in frustration, wanting the awful feeling to go away but with no such luck. She turned the tv on, hoping that the background noise would distract her some as she sat down on the couch, book in hand, ready to read a chapter or two. She had always enjoyed books, even from a very early age, looking at the words, trying to figure out what they meant, how they could possibly build a sentense and make people understand each word. As she got older and learnt how to read and write herself, a whole world opened up and she took refuge and solace in books, fairytales and whatever she could get her hands on. Now, in this moment, ot seemed like the only option she had to escape her worrying and unsettled thoughts.

About halfway through the chapter, her ears picked up a familiar name broadcasted on the tv and she immediately looked up and she was in for a shock. Olivia's face came into view on the big screen, answering questions queried by greedy and hungry reporters from various newspapers and magazines. Whatever had happened, whatever had caused this mad frenzy of famished vultures must be big. Massive.

The cameras zoomed in on the Lieutenant's face as she answered the questions that she was cabable and knowledgeable enough to answer. The news hit Amanda hard as she could relate to some of the things that Olivia was explaining. The neglect, the abuse, being malnourished and underweight were only a few things among many others that she remembered and recognized but she forced herself to push those thoughts away so she could focus on Olivia and what she was saying. Her heart had begun to beat violently within her chest, her senses on full alert as she quickly sent a text to her girlfriend, asking if she was okay? Knowing very well that that was a stupid question to ask in a situation like the one Liv had just witnessed.

The news she was watching was apparently streaming live, as she could hear Olivia's phone beep through the screen, fished it out of her pocket and Amanda could see something change in Olivia's expression as she must've seen the blonde's name on the device in her hand. She excused herself by telling the reporters that she had to tend to something and turned away as the cameras focused on the massive crowd outside the building instead, reluctantly leaving the Lieutenant to her responsibilities.

Suddenly Amanda's phone rang and when Olivia's name popped up, she answered with a shaky voice. "I just saw what happened on the news. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?" she knew there was nothing she could do about the case itself but if there was anything she could do for Olivia, she was more than willing to oblige.

The brunette's voice was hoarse and slightly raspy, as if she was holding in an array of emotions that were just simmering on the surface, seconds from erupting. "I'm... I'm okay. I saw your text earlier but I didn't have time to answer. I'm sorry if I worried you, honey, I should've..."

"Liv, it's okay." Amanda interrupted with a calm and soft tone, wanting to sooth her girlfriend's pain and rawness of it all. "I was worried but I'm okay now. I'm more worried about you, honey. What can I do for you? When will you be home? How are you doing?"

She could hear Olivia smile faintly as she spoke. "I'll be leaving shortly so I should be home within an hour or so. I'm sorry for worrying you, my love."

Amanda raised her eyebrows, wondering how Olivia could possibly be thinking about Amanda's welfare at a time like this but didn't want to bring it up on the phone. "Don't worry about me, just take your time coming home. I'd rather have you home in one piece so, please, drive carefully."

Olivia promised to take it slow on the roads as she was making her way back home. In the meantime, Amanda grew extremely restless and, once again, began to pace back and forth between the kitchen and the livingroom area, making Frannie and even herself dizzy. Eventually, the dog climbed out of her bed, approached her upset owner and sat down on the floor, blocking her path. "I'm sorry, Frannie." she crunched down and scratched the canine behind her ears and was greeted with a sloppy tongue across her cheek and a wagging tail. "I love you too, Frannie Mae."

It was the longest hour in the history of mankind, or at least that's what it felt like to Amanda. She had gotten herself busy by drawing Olivia a hot bath with lavender scented bathsalt, a few candles and soft music playing in the background, hoping it wasn't too much or too cheesy for Olivia. All she wanted was to help her feel better, for her to feel relaxed and comfortable after such an awful, draining and ugly day.

Just as the bath had been filled, Amanda could hear the key turning in the lock and she practically ran towards the front door, Frannie not far behind, tail still wagging madly. Olivia had just closed the door behind her when she saw Amanda approaching her with open arms, ready to offer her girlfriend some much needed tender loving care and Liv didn't hesitate for a second before she stepped into the warm and welcoming embrace, feeling small arms tighten around her waist, rubbing her back in small gentle circles.

"You're home now. Just let go and relax. I've got you." she whispered while tugging Olivia closer to her chest. "I just finished drawing a bath for you, then I'll heat up our dinner and after we can snuggle on the couch or in bed. Whatever you want and need, okay? Come on."

Liv sighed in sheer bliss as her body lowered itself into the hot and soothing water, covering her like a warm blanket. Amanda had even brought her a glass of wine to help her relax and wind down after the horrid events she had experienced and seen today. Frannie had positioned herself right next to the bath, laying flat on her stomach on the white tile floor, watching Olivia tentatively as she sipped her wine and to the Lieutenant it almost looked as if the dog was planning to join her inside the tub.

"Don't even think about it, Frannie Mae." she said firmly but smiling gently as the canine perked her ears up and tilted her head to the side, listening, still contemplating on joining the human in the water as the bubbles had suddenly peeked her interest.

They ate the delicious dinner that Amanda had made for them in a comfortable silence, the blonde waiting patiently for Olivia to open up and talk about today's event whenever she was ready. It was not until the end of the meal when the Lieutenant finally spoke up, her voice husky and strained by various emotions. "All I could think about when that little girl walked into the precinct was you."

"Me? How so?" Amanda raised ber eyebrows in question, slightly taken aback by Liv's confession as she did not expect to hear that.

Olivia's brown eyes grew darker as they filled up with tears and she reached across the table to clasp her hand with Amanda's, feeling the need to be physically close. "She just reminded me of you. The blonde hair, blue eyes and clear complexion. She was so small and fragile and I couldn't help but to wonder what you were going through at that age." she smiled sadly between falling tears and squeezed the smaller hand that fitted so perfectly in her own. "I'm so sorry for what your parents did to you, how they treated you and how your father abused you. I guess I saw you in that little girl and all I could think about was to get home and hold you, just to make sure you were okay."

With her other hand, Amanda reached out and wiped a stray tear with the pad of her thumb, trying to hold her own brimming eyes at bay. "I'm okay." she whispered. "I'm okay and so is that little girl and her older brother, thanks to you and your team. What's going to happen to them? What's going to happen to the parents?"

"Well..." Liv said, draining the last gulp of wine left in her glass. "... the kids will stay at the hospital until their condition is stable. After that..." she sighed. "... they will end up in the foster care system, hopefully they will be placed in a loving home together so they can lean on each other for support. Their father disappeared about a month ago, no paper trail, no sightings or reports as to where he is or where he might have gone. We're still looking but I doubt we'll ever find him. The mother was arrested shortly after we discovered the children. She was out of her head on cocaine and god knows what. She'll be charged with murder and will never see the light of day again." again, she gave Amanda a sad and crooked smile. "Enough about that. I'll clean this up in the morning. Let's change into our pajamas and get comfortable on the couch. I just want to hold you, sweetheart. Will that be okay?"

There was nothing Amanda wanted more than to be inside the loving embrace of Olivia, to feel her strong body against her own, soaking up the warmth and security from the older woman. They decided to watch a comedy, something funny and lighthearted to stop their minds from drifting off to darker places where they so easily could get stuck.

Olivia was holding Amanda so tenderly against her chest, making sure she was comfortable and warm enough, placing intermittent kisses on her forehead and temple as the movie played, inhaling the sweet scent of her fruity shampoo and vanilla moisturizer. As long as she had Amanda inside her arms she would be happy.


	20. Chapter 20

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 20

 **Close-To-Porn warning!**

 **My dear readers. Towards the end of this chapter there will be a very detailed scene of sexual nature. I got a bit carried away so I guess you could call it porn. There will be one more chapter after this one but every story must come to an end. I'll be focusing on shorter fics for a while, probably between 1 and 4 chapters, just to change things up a bit. Obviously, they will all be Rolivia themed. Enjoy!**

"What shall we do today, my lovely?"

Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda's middle from behind, as the blonde stood by the sink cleaning up the dishes after breakfast, wanting Olivia to have a nice and relaxing day since yesterday had been such a terrible and horrid experience.

"Well, why don't you decide? I'm happy to do anything as long as I'm with you."

"You're such a cheeseball but you're my cheeseball." Olivia chuckled and tightened her hold aroud the trim waist.

"Now who's a cheeseball? And by the way, I believe the word is sleazeball." Amanda corrected, turned inside the firm hold of Olivia's arms, grinning. "But I'd rather be a cheeseball than a sleazeball. What about you? Cheese or sleaze?"

"Cheese. Definitely cheese." Leaning forward, she gently captured the blonde's smiling lips with her own, pressing her body against Amanda's, feeling her lower region tingle and heat up as if a fire was slowly spreading throughout her body. She could kiss this woman forever. Having those pink and perfect lips pressed against her own was an amazing feeling, intoxicating and addictive all at the same time and she never wanted it to end.

"What about the zoo?" Amanda shyly suggested. "I... I've never been as a kid but always wanted to go. The weather is nice for it, not too cold."

Olivia almost felt a bit sorry for her. Every kid should at least have one zoo experience and she was sad that Amanda never did have the chance to go. She had been to the zoo a few times herself growing up but it had been years since her last visit and she knew that there had been a lot of changes inside the animal park over the years so it would be like going to a completely new place. "I think the zoo is a great idea. I might have to leave you with the monkeys but I'm sure they'll look after you just fine and I'll visit you whenever I can."

"You sure know the way to a woman's heart, Lieutenant. I happen to like monkeys so I don't think I would mind an awful lot if you left me there. I'd have a great time hanging on the trees branches, picking flees and eating bananas all day long."

"Awe, you'd be such a cute monkey." Liv cooed and kissed her again but just a quick peck on the lips this time. "Come on then, get ready and we'll go see your banana eating relatives."

The zoo was full of people but that was no surprise as it was busy the whole year around. Olivia paid for their entry fee to Amanda's stern objections but the blonde eventually had to give in as she demanded in paying for lunch. Liv was glad that they had decided on visiting the park and, by the look on Amanda's face, she could tell that she was too. The youger woman had a smile on her lips the whole time as they walked hand in hand down the crowded guided path, watching and reading about all the different types of animals.

"Some of them looks so sad, Liv. I feel sorry for them." Amanda stated quietly as they had stopped by the gorilla enclosure, watching the females play and mess around as the huge and placid silverback occupied a big rock, tearing apart pieces of fruit that they had recently been fed. "It's not fair that we're out here to roam freely and they're locked inside cages for the rest of their lifes."

It warmed the Lieutenant's heart when she heard Amanda call her Liv but decided not to comment on it. If Amanda was calling her by her nickname, she figured that the blonde must be feeling more comfortable and relaxed around her and within herself and it was a good feeling. A really good feeling. She wrapped an arm around the blonde's shoulder, pulling her close to her side. "Well, these days, the security, the welfare and the law are on the animals side, at least most of the time. Most animals here are rescued from abusive situations, or kept here to save them from getting extinct due to illegal hunting and poachers. I would never go to a zoo in an underdeveloped country because that would only contribute to animal cruelty. I always check out the places first before I go. Read about their history and policy when it comes to the care for the animals."

"You amaze me, sometimes." Amanda smiled as she looked up into her girlfriend's eyes.

"Only sometimes?" Liv placed a hand over her heart in a dramatic gesture, pretending to be hurt.

"Sorry, wrong choice of word, I ment all the time." she chuckled. "Some people couldn't give a rat's ass about the welfare of animals and it's just sad when you read about the abuse and torture that some of these animals go through."

The Lieutenant could hear the sadness in her voice and suddenly stepped in front of her and ran her hands up and down Amanda's upper arms in a soothing manner. "Hey, try not to think like that. You help animals every day at the shelter and if the four legged creatures could talk, I'm sure they would thank you over and over again for everything you've done for them. Look at Frannie Mae! You saved her from a life on the streets and, for that, I know that she's forever grateful."

"Is that how you see me? Someone you saved from a life on the streets?" she didn't really mean to ask that question but somehow it just slipped out of her before she could stop herself.

"Sweetheart," Liv gently pulled her to the side, away from all the people and the busy crowd of kids and teenagers. "I didn't save you. You were living on the streets for quite some time because you had no other option at the time. You survived out there, you did what you had to do to get by and you did a great job at it." smiling, Liv leaned forward and captured the pink lips of the woman in front of her, in a short but loving kiss. "You saved yourself."

Amanda melted into the kiss and the warmth of Olivia's body, returning the kiss. "You always know what to say to make me feel better."

"Good! As your girlfriend, that's my job." she grinned, obviously very proud of herself for contributing to Amanda's happiness.

They resumed their walk along the marked out path, hands intertwined, exchanging smiles and laughter as they walked side by side within the busy crowd, enjoying each other's company to the fullest.

They spent the majority of the day at the zoo and Olivia even bought her a stuffed elephant in the gift shop, since she had seen Amanda looking at it earlier, so when the blonde hurried off to the bathroom, Olivia saw her chance and purchased the cuddly toy. As it got dark outside they decided to head back to the apartment, feeling bad for leaving Frannie on her own for so long and the canine was more than happy to see both of her humans back, greeting them with licks, jumps and a ferociously wagging tail.

Dinner was next on the agenda and Olivia decided to cook while Amanda took Frannie for a few laps around the block. After already being outside for several hours, she shivered against the cold air that blew straight into her face and it reminded her of what it use to be like when her life was on the streets, trying to keep warm. It was not something she missed, and probably never would, but the feeling was familiar and it triggered memories and flashbacks to her first winter living on the streets and how difficult it was room maintain some kind of heat. Often, she would walk around at night, keeping warm that way, and sometimes Annie would slip her an extra blanket, if she had one, getting her own heat from Sam by cuddling up real close.

The thought of fighting to survive out on the streets now, scared her. She was now used to being in the warm indoors, with a soft bed, a clean bathroom, clean clothes and unlimited access to food, which before had never been possible. Looking back, she was now amazed and shocked that she had survived the cold and hunger for so long and she never again wanted to experience it. She was so grateful to Olivia for everything she had done and she knew that she could never repay her for the kindness and generosity that the Lieutenant had given her so willingly and wholeheartedly.

What had started out as a good day, now turned emotional and overwhelming. As the cold wind bit her cheeks, she almost panicked, her mind bringing her back to the hard and struggling times on the streets and she couldn't wait to get back inside again, into the warmth, to Olivia. Shivering, she headed back into the building, nearly ran down the corridor and almost ripped the front door off it's hinges as she opened it, desperate to get inside and away from the cold.

Olivia had just finished preparing their evening meal when she heard the door open behind her, turned around and saw a panic stuck, shivering Amanda with Frannie still attached to the lead. Knowing something was wrong, Liv ran straight up to her, quickly cut the dog loose before cupping the blonde's ice cold face between her warm hands. "What's wrong, honey? What happened? Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?" quickly she let her eyes travel over her body, searching for any visible injuries but, to her relief, couldn't see any. "Come on, sweetie, talk to me. What happened?"

Grabbing a nearby blanket, she swiftly replaced her coat with the wooly material, guided her towards the couch and gently pushed her down before taking a seat next to her, rubbing her hands up and down Amanda's back and arms, willing warmth into her frozen limbs. "You're worrying me, honey. What happened?"

Amanda knew that her terror filled face must look worse than what it actually was and she instantly felt bad for causing Olivia unnecessary stress and concern. "I'm sorry." she gasped as she released a breath she didn't know she was holding. "I... I'm okay, I'm okay. Nothing happened, I'm sorry."

Frowning in confusion, Liv once again placed her palms on each side of Amanda's face, guiding her head up to look into her eyes. "Something must've happened, otherwise you wouldn't be so upset. Tell me, sweetheart."

"It's... it's silly." she responded, trying to turn her head to the side to break the visual contact but Olivia wasn't ready to let go just yet.

"It's not silly if it's making you upset. You told me nothing happened but your panic struck and scared face tells me different."

"It's... it's stupid really." she stuttered, feeling embarrassed for overreacting to a feeling and memories she'd rather forget. "I... I was just walking Frannie and... and the cold... the cold wind blew straight into my face and I... I just... I remembered how cold and... and hungry I use to be out there on the streets and it just hit me hard, I guess. There was just a lot of... a lot of awful and painful memories that came back to me. I'm sorry, I told you it was silly and stupid." she blushed and lowered her gaze towards the floor, feeling totally and utterly embarrassed.

"It's not silly or stupid, honey." Liv reassured and stroked a cold cheek with her knuckles, looking tenderly into her eyes. "The icy wind triggered a memory or a flashback and that's totally normal. It's like loud noises for soldiers, coming back home from a war zone, really loud and sudden sounds can trigger them to have a flashback, back to a certain experience they had over seas. The principle is the same for you. The cold wind triggered a memory in your mind, temporarily, went back to a time when you were vulnerable and going through a difficult time."

Olivia's comforting voice calmed Amanda, knowing that the Lieutenant was right in what she was saying about triggers and bad memories. She just thought it was odd how a cold breeze could bring up things that she'd rather forget about. She clutched the blanket tighter against her, balling the material in her fists and shivered. "You're freezing, honey. Come here." gently she pulled Amanda into her lap so the small blonde was straddling her and rubbed her hands over her back and arms, willing heat into her shuddering frame.

Slowly, Amanda began to relax in the soothing embrace, feeling her cold body gradually warming up. She hid her face in the crook of Olivia's neck and inhaled the familiar scent of vanilla moisturizer and perfume. She let her lips caress the smooth skin, kissing her neck and pressed herself even closer to the brunette, wanting more contact. Her heart picked up speed and so did her breathing as her mouth travelled down to Olivia's well defined collarbone, nipping at the heated skin, hearing the Lieutenant gasp slightly in surprise and arousal.

"Make love to me, Olivia." she whispered into the shell of Olivia's ear, dragging her tongue along the ouline of it. "Please, I just need to feel you close. Your hands, your mouth... I... I need your touch."

She didn't have to say aymore before Liv pulled back and captured plump lips in a heated liplock, tasting and exploring each other's lips in a passionate frenzy. The dinner was temporarily forgotten as the two women clumsily tugged at each other's clothing, especially Amanda, who seemed almost desperate to feel Olivia's fingers and hands on her. Clad in only a matching set of underwear, Olivia pulled back and looked at the small toned body in her lap, running her hand over a heaving chest, down to her lower stomach and back up again. "You're so so beautiful." she whispered in a husky voice full of desire and passion. "What do you need? What do you want me to do?"

Grunting, Amanda pushed her hips into Olivia as she felt the Lieutenant's hand travel to the waistband of her panties, teasing and lingering with her fingers, causing a shudder to pass through the blonde's body. "Please, I need you to... to touch me. Lower, please!" she begged and once again pushed her hips into the hand that was hovering above her pulsating area between her legs.

"Why don't you sit on the blanket, I'll scoot in behind you and touch you that way?" Liv suggested as she licked the rim of Amanda's ear, nibbling on her ear lobe. Knowing that Amanda would more than likely squirt during their love making session, she figured that the blanket would be easier to wash than the pillows on the couch.

After spreading the blanket out onto the seat, Liv positioned herself against the backrest and spread her legs wide open so Amanda would fit between them comfortably. "Come here, let me touch you, sweetie. Rest your back against my chest and relax."

Doing as she was told, Amanda nestled in between two firm but smooth thighs, her core aching for release. "Open your legs for me, baby."

Amanda opened her legs and instantly felt Olivia's hand on her heated sex, rubbing it with her palm, over the damp material of her panties, in slow but firm motions. "Oh fuck! That feels so good." arching her back, she pressed her hips into the moving hand, begging for more.

"You're so wet, my love. So warm and wet. Just relax against me and I'll do all the work." she whispered into a nearby ear as her left hand travelled towards Amanda's laze clad breasts, gently pulling the delicate material down, exposing two perfectly round mounds with a deliciously erect pink nipple on each, brushing over them with her thumb. "So beautiful." she murmured while kissing the blonde's neck and ear. "You doing okay? Do you want me to continue?"

Amanda couldn't verbally respond at that moment and instead she mumbled an audible 'uh huh' to let Olivia know that it was okay.

Delicately, Liv slipped her whole hand inside Amanda's soaked underwear and was greeted with a warm copious wetness that coated all her five digits, sliding them easily through the drenched folds of Amanda's pink and swollen sex, instantly finding the enlarged clitoris and began to rub it. The blonde nearly shot her hips up of the couch to add more pressure to her pulsating and aching centre that screamed for release and Olivia gently pulled her back down against her.

"Easy, sweetheart. Just lean back and I'll do the rest." she soothed and continued the circular motion with her hand.

It didn't take long before Amanda stopped panting then grunted loudly before her legs began to tremble and a spray of clear fluids shot out from her urethra, landing on the blanket and spreading out into various sized wet pathes. "Oh, baby, you're so hot when you cum like that. Come on, can you cum again for me? Come on, baby, cum for me." she whispered into Amanda's ear, picked up the speed of her hand and, when she felt the blonde stiffen once more, she spread her lips wide, leaving a clear exit way for the fluids to gush out, causing Amanda to scream and shudder in pleasure.

"Ohhh! More... Please, I need more!" she moaned and began to grind her dripping sex against Olivia's hand.

"You want me inside?" Liv cooed in her ear as she kissed the sweaty neck of the blonde.

"Please." Amanda replied, her chest heaving almost violently from exhaustion and excitement, her pulsating clitoris twitching from the need to be touched and stimulated again.

Olivia shifted slightly on the soft cluch, stretched her right arm down towards Amanda's drenched opening, easily slid two fingers inside of her and was greeted with a slick wetness that coated her whole hand. "Oh, baby! You feel so good. So so good." the smell of Amanda's arousal hit her nostrils and it was the most intoxicating scent Olivia had ever experienced, sweet and musky at the same time. As soon as she heard Amanda gasp for air and felt her push her hips towards her moving hand, she picked up the speed, curling her two fingers inside of her to stimulate the spongy area against the front wall and started to tap it very fast with the tips of her fingers, willing more wetness to come out of her and it did.

Somehow, Olivia managed to spread Amanda's legs even wider apart just as a huge gush squirted out, leaving Olivia in awe. The gushing seemed to carry on forever as the brunette kept up her rapid movement with her fingers, tapping the most sensative spot on Amanda's body, milking and drawing as much out of her girlfriend as she possibly could. "Keep cumming for me, sweetheart. Looks like you've got so much pent up. Just let it come."

"Ohhhhhh...!" Amanda finally screamed as her hips completely left the couch and squirted one more time before she crashed back down against Olivia's chest, panting and shuddering like a leaf. "No more... please... no more." she gasped, trying to keep her shaking body in control.

"Okay, okay, my love. Easy, I'm gonna pull out now." gently Olivia slid her two fingers out of their warm and slick confinement, causing one small final spray of liquid to shoot out from her lover and Liv softly placed her palm over Amanda's whole sex, feeling the spasms and twitching of her clit against her wet hand, soothing her back down. "Shhh, easy. Easy now, sweetie. I've got you."

The dinner was temporarily forgotten as Amanda let herself be carried into the bedroom, mumbling incoherently about returning the pleasurable favour, but Olivia reassured her that it was okay and that tonight was all about her.


	21. Chapter 21

Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 21

 **Last chapter guys! Sexual scenes towards the end. Thanks for reading and reviewing and for following the journey of my (our) two favourite ladies. X**

Olivia had finished work earlier than expected and was briskly walking along the sidewalk, wanting to get home as soon as possible and into the warmth of her apartment and her home. Amanda was not due home until seven pm and it was now just after five. The corner of her mouth turned into a lazy grin as she thought about their love making session a few days ago and how many times Amanda had climaxed, screaming her name in ecstasy and pleasure. It had been amazing to see the younger woman so exposed, raw and bare, not just because she was bare from clothing but emotionally and psychologically bare from any bindings, restrictions or protective walls that usually stood tall and strong around her.

When she closed her eyes and thought back really hard on that night it was as if she could still feel the small, sweaty and exhausted form in her arms, trembling and shuddering like a delicate leaf in a hurricane. They had both fallen asleep, shimmering in the afterglow of the heated and passionate hours they had spent, devouring and worshipping each other's bodies with gusto and very time Olivia's thought travelled back to that moment, she couldn't help but to grin like a love struck teenager.

As she rounded a corner, only a few blocks from her apartment building, she heard a noise that caught her full attention and she stopped dead in her tracks to listen and see if she would hear it again. She did. It was a soft cry, a whimper, that sounded so desperate, almost like a plea for help, and she couldn't figure out where it came from or what had caused it. "Hello?" she softly called out, her heart starting to pick up speed and here breathing turned fast and shallow. "Is there anyone there? Hello?"

She took a few steps forward and then heard a rustle from a pile of rubbish bags that were positioned on her left hand side and she narrowed her eyes in the dark to see better. Suddenly a movement caught her eye as one of the bags fell onto it's side and revealed the source of the weak and vulnerable sound that she had heard. It was the smallest little puppy she had ever seen and it was shivering from the cold and obvious fear.

"Well, hello there." Liv cooed as she hunkered down and reached her arm out so the small pup could catch her scent and greet her. "What are you doing out here, little one? Did someone leave you here all on your own?"

The pup slowly approached her, tail between it's legs but gathered up enough courage to smell Olivia's hand and eventually decided that the tall human was kind and maybe even willing to help. "You look cold, sweetheart. Can I pick you up? Come here, sweetie." very gently she lifted the small and shivering animal into her arms and felt how cold it actually was. "Oh my goodness, you are cold, aren't you? Well, I'll have you warmed up in no time. I'm gonna put you inside my jacket and then I'll bring you back to my place, okay? Can't have you outside all alone, freezing and hungry."

She talked to puppy as if it was a small child, continued her brisk walk while making sure the the little dog was covered but still able to breath normally. As soon as she stepped inside the apartment, she opened her coat and had her first proper look at the pup in clear lighting. She knew very little about dogs and couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, what type of dog it was or it's age. All she knew was that this little whimpering and shuddering creature was simply adorable and needed help.

"Let's get you warmed up, fed and watered. Then, we'll wait for Amanda to come home with Frannie Mae." as she said the dog's name out loud it dawned on her that there was a possibility that Frannie wouldn't accept another dog in the apartment and could get jealous and snappy. "She better like you or she'll be in trouble." the pup yawned and let out a faint squeaky noise, causing Liv to smile and chuckle. "But who wouldn't like you, ugh? Just look how cute you are." she cooed and kissed the dog on the top of it's head then wrinkled her nose. "Phew, you need a bath as well but that will be last on the list. Warmth, food and water first and foremost."

She got to work quickly. By making a hot water bottle she then wrapped it in a large towel, so the hot surface wouldn't come in direct contact with the pup's cold skin, she placed the dog on the towel with a blanket over it's back and offered it some wet food and cool water. It drank a small bit of the fluids but devoured the small portion of food that had been placed in a bowl right in front of it's nose, obviously starving and looking for more.

"I can't give you anymore, sweetheart. I don't know how long you've gone without food so I can only give you small portions. You can have some more in a few hours." she told the hungry pup as if it understood her every word and reason, stroking her fingers along it's white and wavy coat. "Wait until Amanda sees you! She's gonna fall in love."

The little pup fell asleep shortly after the small meal and was now snoring inside the warm blankets, it's little paws twitching in the air, hopefully caught in a pleasant dream about running through a green field, chasing birds or running towards a huge meaty bone. As the puppy was sleeping, Olivia took the opportunity to find a box with a lid so she could surprise her girlfriend with the newes addition to their family and, as soon as she heard the key slide into the door, she placed the little dog inside and covered it gently with the lid.

"Hi!" Amanda greeted as soon as she saw the brunette standing in the kitchen with a look on her face that the blonde couldn't quite make out.

"Hi, my lovely, how was your day?" Liv quickly asked, not giving Amanda a chance to ask about hers, turning her back towards the kitchen table to hide the box sitting there.

The young blonde let Frannie off the lead, who went straight up to where Olivia was standing, sat down in front of the table and immediately gave the cardboard box her full attention while letting out a small whimper. "It was busy but otherwise fine." she replied but frowned as she noticed Frannie's strange behaviour and took a few steps closer, stroking the dog on her head. "What's up, girl? Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

Liv took one step to the side to reveal the box and Frannie instantly jumped up on her hind legs and began to thoroughly inspect it with her nose, her sense of smell obviously much more sensitive than humans. "There's a present for you in the box." Liv stated, smiling sheepishly. "Something that I found."

Amanda's eyes lit up even though she was a bit weary and reluctant to open it, not being a big fan of surprises. She was excited but also slightly apprehensive about peeking inside to see what it was. "What is it?" she asks wearily while slowly walking up to it, as if she was afraid that someone was going to jump out of the box and scare her.

"Well, why don't you open it and see for yourself? Just be careful, it's... fragile." Olivia couldn't help a huge smile from creeping up on her lips as she saw Amanda bite the inside of her cheek in apprehension and wonder. "It won't bite you... well, I can't guarantee it but hopplefully it won't."

Amanda frowned even more at Olivia's words and curiosity finally got the better of her and she slowly lifted the lid of the box and peeked inside, gasping in shock and surprise at what she saw. Her hands flew straight up to cover her mouth, trying to contain her excitement that came rushing, and her eyes immediately filled up with tears, good tears. "A puppy!? You got us a puppy? What? I... I'm... why did... I mean, where did it come from? How did..."

"I found him or her on the side of the street when I was walking home from work, amongst a large pile of rubbish, shivering from cold and starving. The pup has been fed and watered, and before you say anything- yes, I only gave a small portion, and also he desperately needs a bath, asap." Liv explained, watching Amanda's facial expression that showed nothing but delight, adoration and happiness, thinking how beautiful she was and how she would easily go to hell and back just to see that face again.

"Go on, pick him up... or her. It doesn't feel good calling the pup 'it'. I can't really tell the sex so I had to wait for you." she rambled, watcing Amanda reach into the box with shaking hands and picked up the sleeping puppy, who now stirred then yawned.

The blonde held it up in the air in front of her, smiling like a kid in a candy store, kissed the little head and then checked for the sex. "It's a little boy." she beamed and cradled the small ball of fluff against her chest. "He's so cute. I can't believe that someone would just leave him out in the cold like that. Those people should be treated the same way." the pup wiggled his little tail and licked Amanda's chin and cheek, happy to be warm and fed. "What are we gonna name him? He needs a name." she turned her attention to Liv and grinned. "You should name him, you found him after all."

Olivia pursed her lips as she thought about a name that would suit the little dog and eventually her face lit up. "How about Frank? Frannie and Frank, Frank and Frannie, sounds good. It has a ring to it, don't you think?"

The younger woman burst into laughter. "Frank sounds like an old man's name but I do like it. It kind of suits him, somehow. Frank it is. Hello Frank!" again, she held the semi sleeping puppy up in the air for another inspection and more kisses. "Phew, yeah, you're right, he does need a bath but that can wait until tomorrow when he's feeling a bit better." she kneeled down onto the floor and held the puppy out for Frannie to say hello and she immediately perked her ears up, tail wagging madly and began to smell the small dog wherever she possibly could before deciding that he was accepted into their little family and she suddenly tried to initiate playtime.

The two women laughed as Frank let out the tiniest little bark they've ever heard and began to wriggle inside Amanda's grasp, suddenly wide awake and wanting to play. "Be gentle Frannie, he's very small so you have to be careful."

They watched as the dogs played, Frannie being surprisingly well mannered and gentle towards her new playmate. Frank didn't last too long and plunked himself down onto the wooden floor, panting and eyes slowly drifting shut. Liv chuckled, picked him up and placed him in Frannie's bed, amazed as the female dog scooted in next to him, close by as if she was keeping watch and protecting him. "Good girl, Frannie Mae." she cooed and stroked the canines soft short fur.

"Why don't we head into the bedroom?" Amanda suggested, seductively, holding her hand out for Olivia to take.

The brunette's eyes widened and so did the smile on her lips. "Are we feeling a bit frisky? You need me to take care of something for you?" Liv replied, wiggling her eyebrows. "Are you all hot and bothered? Do you need me to sooth a certain ache between your well shaped thighs?" slowly she dragged the blonde into the bedroom, guiding her gently onto the bed so she was sitting on the edge of it, legs slightly apart. "Tell me what you need, baby." she whispered in a husky voice as she began to trail a line of kisses along the side of her neck, nipping and sucking at her pulse point.

"You want to feel my fingers on your pulsating clit, teasing it, rubbing it, licking it? Tell me what you want, what you need, baby." she whispered between heated kisses, dragging her tongue alond Amanda's collarbone and heard the blonde hiss and arch her back in response.

"I need your... your tongue on me... on my... my clit. I need you to suck and lick me, please." she begged and gasped as soon as she felt Liv's hand cup her core through her jeans. "Please... I... I need... I need you... now."

"Easy." Olivia mumbled and began to undo the blonde's tight black jeans. "Lift your bottom for me, sweetheart." Amanda did as she was told and by leaning back she pushed herself up with the help of her hands while Liv swiftly removed the restrictive clothing along with her panties. The brunette had yet to taste the younger woman's wetness and was eager to slide her tongue through the slik folds but was also slightly worried, not sure if Amanda was ready or not for such an intimate act. "Are you sure about this, sweetie?" she whispered as her hands caressed the outside of her thighs, down to her knees then back up again, her eyes locked with Amanda's.

"Yes... please!" she moaned. "The quicker we do this, the quicker I will get my reward, which is to taste you so, please, don't let me wait any longer."

Olivia got comfortable on the floor by kneeling on a pillow to avoid any bruises or marks on her joints. She placed a hand on each knee and slowly guided Amanda's legs open, revealing the pink glistening flesh of her aroused sex. The sweet and musky smell invaded Olivia's nostrils and she inhaled deeply before lowering her head between two porcelain quivering thighs, using her thumbs to spread the soaked lips and latched onto the twitching clitoris with her mouth, flicking it gently with her tongue.

"Fuck!" Amanda's hips shot up in the air, pressing her sex closer and harder into Liv's working mouth, almost grinding herself against the brunette's face. "Oh, fuck, that feels so good. Don't stop, please, don't stop!" she begged while her breathing changed into raspy and hoarse panting, her hips bucking wildly. The warmth from Olivia's mouth on her sex felt so incredibly good she almost came on the spot but forced herself to hold on, not wanting the moment to end, ever.

Moaning into Amanda's wet pussy, she was overwhelmed by the sweetness of her arousal, the intoxicating taste and smell penetrated all her senses and she felt as though she couldn't get enough of the woman she was now pleasuring. Suddeny, she grabbed a hold of Amanda's both legs, pushing them backwards, exposing everything as Olivia greedily ran her tongue, lips and mouth over every bit of slippery and swollen flesh she could find.

"You taste so good, baby. So so good." she mumbled and picked up the speed of her tongue, now rapidly flicking the protruding clit before pulling back slightly, just to look at the twitching and pulsating bud that craved her undivided attention. "Look how ready and needy you are for me. You're so hot and sexy, my love. I want you to cum hard for me. Can you do that? Can you cum hard for me, baby?" again, she latched onto the enlarged clit and rubbed her tongue against it hard and fast, feeling Amanda immediately stiffen.

"Oh... Oh my... Oh fuuuck! I'm gonna... I'm... I'm gonna cum... I'm gonna cum... Oh fuck, I'm gonna... Aaah!" her whole body went into some kind of spastic state as a huge amount of wetness gushed out of her over and over again while Olivia continued to feast upon her, wetting her face and hair with the squirting fluids but the Lieutenant didn't seem to care.

When the spasms seemed to ease off, Liv slowed down the speed of her tongue before fully coming to a stop and gently pulled away, carefully lowering Amanda's legs bac down again. "You okay, sweetie? That was absolutely amazing. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me love you like that, it truly means a lot to me."

Amanda seemed to be temporarily speechless and simply smiled instead, letting her know that the feeling was mutual. After a minute of rest, the blonde was more than ready to return the favour and began to greedily tear at Olivia's clothes, frantically fumbling with buttons and zipper until the tall brunette was finally completely naked, glowing in front of her in the dim light in the bedroom. "You're so beautiful." she whispered as she reached her right hand out and cupped Olivia's warm sex, feeling the wetness seeping out from between her folds.

"Hmmm, that feels good, baby." Liv unconsciously pushed her hips against Amanda's hand, needing more friction and pressure onto her throbbing clit.

"Lie down for me. I want to taste you too."

Moaning at Amanda's words Liv positioned herself in the middle of the bed and, before she knew it, the blonde had already her legs spread wide open and latched onto the slippery pink and needy flesh. "Oh, fuck!" she grunted as she felt Amanda's tongue work it's magic on her sensitive bud, bringing her close to the edge in the matter of seconds.

"You taste like heaven." she stated while focusing all her attention on pleasuring the stunning woman beneath her touch. "I want you to cum for me. I can tell you're already so close to cumming."

"Ahh, fuck!" Olivia bucked her hips in the air, meeting Amanda's probing tongue every time she gave her pelvic a thrust, her climax building rapidly. "You're gonna make me cum, baby! You're gonna make me cum... you're... holy fuck!" the orgasm ripped through her body in spastic waves of euphoria, swells of pleasure washed over her over and over again until her body eventually went completely slack and sank back onto the mattress bellow, panting from exertion.

"You okay?" Amanda grinned as she covered them both with the blankets, scooting up to rest her head upon Olivia's heaving chest, hearing the thumping heartbeats inside her ribcage.

"I think you just made me the happiest woman on earth." Liv stated as a lazy smile crept up on her lips and kisses the top of Amanda's head resting bellow her chin. "You're amazing, do you know that?"

"Well..." Amanda stated smugly and cuddled closer into the warmth of her girlfriend. "... I had an inkling but I didn't want to say anything." she joked, chuckling as she heard Olivia giggle and squeeze her closer to her body.

"So humble too." Liv added, stroking gentle fingertips along Amanda's slender back.

Just as the blonde was about to say something smart back, gentle patter of large and small paws scratched upon the wooden floor as the two dogs approached them. "I think we have to get a bigger bed." Amanda stated matter of factly as Frannie clumsily jumped up by the foot of the bed, plunked herself down as if it was no big deal and that the bed belonged to her as well. Frank followed suit and cuddled up tightly against Olivia's upper thigh, sighing in content as his brown button eyes drifted close.

Liv brought her left hand down to stroke their newest family member's soft fur, smiling as she felt the little dog sigh again and stretched his little legs out. "Well, at least we'll never be cold." she whispered, happy and content with what life had provided for her, for Amanda and for the two of them together.

 **The End**


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